The One with the Ultimate Fighting Champion

Do you think there's a town in Missouri or someplace called Sample? And as you're driving into the town, there's a sign and it says: 'You're in Sample.'

It's a little crowded. Do you mind? Could you skooch? Move over just a little bit. Keep on skooching.

It's a feeling you get. Like when you're in somebody else's bowling shoes? That's the one.

It's oozing!

I've been sleeping with your wife. You're the gynecologist?

So what were you gonna tell us? I have no idea.

Oh, keep your name. Don't take his name! Then definitely don't take his name!

You can bite and pull people's hair and stuff? Anything goes except eye-gouging and fish-hooking.

Thanks. That would have been hard to describe.

My hands are totally clean. I just gave the duck a bath.

There is no I in 'team.' Yes, but there's two in 'martini.' So, everybody, back to my office.

This team's about hard work, but it's also about having fun. Good to have you aboard, Bing!

My boss keeps slapping my butt and acting like it's no big deal. I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.

I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by, you know, grabbing her boob.

For a really great stew, you'd just stick your head in between them.

Anything but stew.

What could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?

What if Joey was President?

Average height, medium build, bald... Oh!

A housepainter! He used to be a housepainter!

No boom-boom before big fight! How about just a boom?

I just bought a pretzel from one of the kids from Fame.

I just started wearing bras again.

That girl has got hair all over her head!

Not on purpose. He ricocheted off you and got me.

Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks! You go to Dartmouth? No, sir. There you go! Ha-ha-ha.

I saved 30 cents. Plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!

It would be nice after hearing 20,000 people chant, 'You suck!'

There was MOSS 2 that would only schedule appointments in January.

Apparently, he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.

I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home. Tappan Zee Bridge never looked smaller.

Is it the swearing? Is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell you, if it is, you can just kiss my ass!

I have a rather sensitive posterior.

Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant or inside his shower drain?

She's very sexually aggressive.

You owe me one bald girl!

We killed them all!

The day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight, me or Superman. Not that I could beat Superman, but kids are stupid.

Could you leave a note? I'm on painkillers and I might not remember this tomorrow.

Of course you did. Forgot something else too, you bastard!

Check it out! Pete's winning! Really? No!

If that's his favorite area, why is he being so mean to it?

This is ironic. Your last boyfriend, Richard, didn't want to have kids. And from the looks of it, now Pete can't.