The One with Joey's Big Break

Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend.

Richard, that's all I ever hear. Richard, Richard, Richard.

Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice. Okay. So Richard, Richard.

Any time anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's... she, like, freaks out. Watch.

Me, myself and eye.

All those in favor, say 'eye.'

How much did I love The King and 'Eye.'

You okay there, man? Yeah. I got too excited.

Why are you so mad at him? Look, I don't wanna talk about it, okay? Well, it seems like... You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking.

Has anyone seen my list, by the way?

Uh, no. What's it look like? Um, a piece of paper and it says 'Ross.' I see.

Yeah, um, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in, like, a day, right? And then she disappears. But I find out where she lives. And when I get there, this old lady answers the door. I say, 'Where's Betsy?' Right? And she says, 'Betsy's been dead 10 years.'

Ooh. Chilling.

Oh, wait. My grandmother's dead.

Well, uh, we can talk about that too, Pheebs.

No, no, her cab. She probably won't be using it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are we gonna do about my job? Oh, uh, not go. All right, great. Road trip, baby.

Look what I did. I mean, look at this mess. I mean, we're gonna probably have to clean this up, you know? I mean, we're gonna have to reschedule.

If you thought that this mess was gonna bother me, you are wrong. All right, let's go, Blinky.

Ooh, if you take the north route, there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees.

But on the southern route, there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.

Well, back to square one.

Rather sleep with Monica or Rachel? Monica. Oh. I always thought it'd be Rachel.

Beard of bees here I come.

Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?

Dude, you are sick.

Oh. I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

Uh, that's an eye removal machine. All right, I'm out of here.

Extended eye test sequence with Rachel repeatedly fleeing

You're young. You probably don't have glaucoma.

I guess we'll see you back here in three months. Great. And I'll fit you for a glass eye.

P-E-C-F-D. Very good, Monica.

And you don't get one.

Those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is 100 percent better. They're still in my coat.

What? I love you.

So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.

For every dollar Shutterspeed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.

Did you not hear the plot of the movie? 'She's been dead for 10 years.' I'm gonna be a millionaire.

Oh, honey, I'll say goodbye to you at the car if you don't mind the pus.

But wait a minute. The pus is good. It means it's healing.

Extended sequence of Phoebe ignoring Ross

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.

Well, if you don't know, I can't help you. Well, I don't know. Well, I can't help you.

Bye, fat ass.

But I am sorry about the 'fat ass' thing, because you actually have a very sweet little heinie.

We've been driving for a half-hour. And you haven't looked at the road once. Don't worry. It's out there.

Is this movie gonna be my big break? No. What? Yes. Dude, you said no.

Wait. Wait. There's no sidewalk. Yeah. I'm gonna die here.

You know, 'whom, whom.' Sometimes it's 'who.'

Okay, I'm the baby. Hey. Stop it.

All I said was that, uh, I didn't think this was gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't gonna do anything for him, and that it didn't sound like a real movie. Okay, he should've pushed me off the bridge.

Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?

My pillow's all wet. Well, you said it was practice.

Oh, my God. You really are freakishly strong.

If Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune.

Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests. Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio.

Oh, that's my grandma. And thanks, Joey. She's having a really great time.

I wonder where I could get a basket of porn? Oh, no, don't say I'm sorry with porn.

You know what you should send him? A carton of cigarettes. Because that way he can trade it for protection. No. That's prison.

Why are you mad at me? You said I was boring. Oh.

Remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing. You said I was boring. And then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz.

Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.

It's probably just temporary. We're hoping to get more money soon, so if you could just, uh, hang out. Hang out? How long? I don't know. A week. Maybe two. The money'll turn up.

Hey, you're not rich, are you? No. Worth a shot.

Thanks a lot. Enjoy your stay at Caesar's. We hope it's toga-rific. Ugh. Kill me. Kill me now.

Final eye drop wrestling sequence