The One Where Phoebe Runs

Rachel:Okay, on three. One, two, three.

Rachel:Hi, you've reached Rachel and Phoebe. We can't take your call right now.

Phoebe:Please leave a message after the beep.

Rachel:Wait, why do you always get the good words?

Phoebe:What are you talking about? I say 'beep.'

Rachel:You get 'message' and 'please.' I'm stuck with 'you've reached' and 'right now.'

Phoebe:Well, I wanted to say 'reached.' That's a good word.

Phoebe:I also have the word 'a'. How thrilling for me.

Rachel:You know what? You're right. That was silly of me. I'll switch.

Rachel:You take 'sophisticated' and 'exotic,' and I'll take 'bubbly' and 'fun.'

Rachel:Oh my God. Phoebe's been saying words this whole time.

Phoebe:We could go running together! It's great exercise and bonding time.

Rachel:Running? I thought you said chasing men.

Phoebe:I got her! I finally got her! She said 'hello', I said 'goodbye'. Game over, Rachel. Game over.

Ross:It's fascinating, really. With quantum computing and neural mapping, theoretically we could download human consciousness into a digital substrate, achieving a form of digital immortality.

Chandler:Wow, that's incredible.

Ross:I know, right? Imagine the possibilities—

Chandler:So when are you doing it?

Ross:Well, actually, I can't. I have a fear of computers.

Monica:Honey, it was a great idea, nailing the boxes to the floor.

Chandler:Oh, I know what will cheer you up. Ross was telling me about the sedimentary layers he found in the park. It was fascinating!

Monica:Really?

Chandler:Yeah, he's in the other room. I'll go get him.

Joey:This is my new roommate, Janine. She's a dancer.

Joey:And just to be clear, she lives here. With me. In my apartment. We share the same living space.

Joey:So where are you from?

New Roommate:Ohio.

Joey:Oh cool. And what do your parents do?

New Roommate:My mom's a teacher and my dad's an accountant.

Joey:Nice, nice. So you ever been to New York before?

New Roommate:No, this is my first time.

Joey:Wow. So you're telling me you don't know ANYTHING about New York? You don't know where Times Square is? You don't know who the mayor is? You don't even know what a bagel is?

Joey:When can you move in?

Ross:That's it? That's the whole interview?

Joey:Well, I asked it different ways.

Chandler:It's like living with a ghost. Except the ghost sleeps with you and knows all your secrets.

Chandler:It's hard not to flirt around attractive women.

Monica:Yeah, well you manage it around me just fine.

Rachel:I can't run with Phoebe.

Ross:Why not?

Rachel:Because when she runs, she looks like a cross between a ostrich and a... and a little muppet.

Ross:I kissed the Six Million Dollar Man poster.

Chandler:You mean like... 'We can rebuild him'?

Ross:No, no, no. His thing was 'We can rebuild him, we have the technology.'

Joey:That's... that's literally the same thing.

Ross:I know! But I kept singing it like 'The Rainbow Connection.'

Rachel:Oh no, I can't run today. I have a terrible blister.

Rachel:Monica, why did you make me wear those shoes?

Rachel:It's ankle. Singular.

Rachel:And it might get worse.

Janine:Joey, where are you? I thought you were helping me unpack!

Joey:I'm in here!

Janine:In where?

Joey:In the box! Surprise!

Joey:Well, I mean, I'm a great roommate. I'm clean, I'm quiet, I pay my share of the rent...

Joey:Oh, and I'm really good in bed.

Joey:Hey Chandler, how you doin'?

Chandler:What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Joey:I don't know, man. I've got all this flirting energy built up and I gotta use it on somebody!

Janine:I'm sorry about all my stuff hanging in the bathroom.

Joey:Hey, no problem.

Janine:It's just my bras and my underwear, they take a long time to dry.

Ross:Oh my God, you two look exactly alike!

Monica:What? No, we don't!

Ross:Yeah, you do. You both have that same 'Oh my God, what have we done?' look.

Ross:You guys need a couple nickname. Like Brangelina.

Monica:What would ours be?

Ross:Mondler.

Chandler:That sounds like a skin condition.

Ross:Are you insane? Monica doesn't just care where things go - she has a system. A color-coded, alphabetized, geometrically organized system. Last week she reorganized the pantry by nutritional value. She once spent three hours arranging her spice rack by cuisine origin AND frequency of use. You put one thing back in the wrong place and she will know. She will KNOW.

Ross:Dude, I'm telling you, do not mess with Monica right now.

Chandler:Why? What's wrong with her?

Ross:She's in a mood. And when she's in a mood, she gets creative with her threats.

Chandler:How creative are we talking?

Ross:She told me if I didn't do my laundry, she'd sit on me.

Chandler:That's... oddly specific and weirdly childish.

Ross:I know! That's what scared me!

Monica:My day was terrible. First, I spilled coffee all over myself. Then I got stuck in traffic for two hours. Then I found out they gave my shift to someone else.

Chandler:I'm hanging up.

Monica:Okay, so the couch goes there, but that means the chair has to move to the other side.

Chandler:But if the chair moves there, then the table doesn't fit.

Monica:Right, so the table goes against the wall, which means the lamp has to go on the other side of the couch.

Chandler:Okay, but now the TV can't see the couch.

Monica:So we move the TV, which means we have to move the entertainment center.

Chandler:Which blocks the window.

Monica:So we close the curtains!

Chandler:There are no curtains, Mon. That's why we moved the chair in the first place.

Ross:Okay, okay, I have an idea. What if we... what if we pivot?

Chandler:Pivot!

Joey:Pivot!

Ross:PIVOT! PIVOT! PIVOT!

Ross:It won't go! Why won't it go?! It's a chaise lounge, it should... Why won't anybody help me?!

Joey:I'm not even trying! It's like I'm a magnet, and women are steel. I don't do anything, they just come to me. It's a gift and a curse.

Joey:Hey guys, how do I get women to stay away from me?

Ross:Just be yourself.

Chandler:Yeah, it works for us.

Ross:I do not repel women! I've been married three times!

Chandler:Yeah, that's not helping your case.

Chandler:So Ross walks up to this girl at the dance, and he's like, 'Hey, did you know that the mating habits of the tree frog are actually fascinating?' And she just stares at him.

Ross:It was a conversation starter!

Chandler:At a *dance*, Ross. Not at a nature documentary.

Chandler:I don't have an annoying habit.

Monica:Oh, you don't? What about that thing you do with your shoulder?

Chandler:What thing? I don't do anything with my shoulder.

Chandler:*does the shoulder thing repeatedly*

Chandler:Yeah, it's not that they're girls. Nobody likes it when you talk about science.

Chandler:Well, I'm glad we got that out in the open. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Ross:Yeah, well, I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

Rachel:I can't run outside, Phoebe. What if someone sees me?

Phoebe:So?

Rachel:So? So I'd die of embarrassment!

Phoebe:The strangers don't matter.

Rachel:They don't matter? Phoebe, they have EYES!

Phoebe:I run like the wind. No rules, no structure, just pure freedom. When I was a kid, I had to run away from Satan all the time, so now I just run for the joy of it.

Rachel:Wait, Satan?

Phoebe:Yeah, my father is Satan.

Chandler:So where should we put the couch?

Ross:It doesn't matter. I'm never getting married anyway.

Monica:Why would Ross be naked?

Chandler:He's... cleaning himself.

Monica:Cleaning himself? He's in the living room!

Monica:Why are you naked?

Ross:I'm not naked. I'm just between clothing.

Ross:It's a medical condition! I have a very rare... skin thing.

Ross:I have the same problem Chandler had.

Monica:Oh, you can't... you can't get it up?

Ross:No! No, I didn't say that!

Monica:Oh, well Chandler couldn't either.

Ross:Wait, what medical condition? Chandler, what are you talking about?

Chandler:I don't have a medical condition.

Ross:Then why did you say you did?

Chandler:I didn't!

Ross:You totally did. You said something about a... a thing. A medical thing.

Chandler:Ross, I think you're making this up.

Ross:I am not making this up! Monica heard it too!

Monica:Actually, I wasn't really listening.

Joey:You want a beer?

Janine:For I.

Joey:Hey, you want to split a pizza?

Janine:I know how to eat pizza, okay? I've been eating pizza since before you were even born!

Joey:Look, I know what's happening here. You're attracted to me. I mean, who could blame you? I'm Joey Tribbiani. I've got the looks, I've got the charm, I've got the... well, let's be honest, I've got it all.

Joey:I can't date her. She's like my sister.

Chandler:Yeah, and I can't date her either. She's like my sister.

Joey:Janine, I've been thinking about us, and I realize we have this great friendship, and if we started dating it could ruin everything. We work together, we see each other every day, and the stakes are just too high. Plus, you're my dance partner, and that's a sacred thing. I mean, look at all the complications that could arise—

Janine:Joey, I'm not interested in you.

Joey:She rejected me! Can you believe that? Me! Joey Tribbiani!

Joey:But that's okay, because I was testing her. Yeah, I wanted to see if she was the type of girl who would stick around even when I'm being deliberately repulsive. Turns out she's not. Her loss!

Joey:How you doin'?

Rachel:Oh my God, Phoebe, how do you run like that?

Phoebe:Well, you just let your body be free. Feel the wind, become one with the pavement.

Rachel:Okay, I'm gonna try it.

Rachel:Oh my God! Oh my God, I feel it! I feel the connection to everything!

Rachel:Phoebe, this is amazing! We should all just run like this!

Phoebe:I know, right?

Rachel:From now on, I'm never running normally again. This is the only way to live!

Rachel:Why is there a horse in the middle of Central Park?

Phoebe:Oh, that's just Kevin. He comes here to think.

Monica:Chandler, everything in this apartment is different. The furniture, the decorations, even the lighting. What is going on?

Chandler:I was going for romantic. You know, candlelight, soft music, rose petals... I wanted to sweep you off your feet.

Monica:By completely rearranging our apartment without asking?

Chandler:Could I BE any more thoughtful?

Monica:Oh Chandler, that's so sweet!

Monica:Wait, is that Ross? Oh my God, put some clothes on! Do you know how many things you've sat on in this apartment?

Ross:I mean, think about it. Computers have become such an integral part of our lives. We pour our consciousness into them, and in a way, they become an extension of ourselves.

Janine:That's... actually kind of beautiful, Ross.

Ross:Right? So when I look at you, I see a computer. And I want to pour my consciousness into you.

Janine:Okay, that's creepy.

Ross:It's like... you're the server, and I'm the client trying to establish a connection.

Rachel:Ross, that's the least romantic thing I've ever heard.

Ross:No, wait! I'm still buffering my feelings for you!

Ross:So, uh, I was thinking... you know how computers have those user-friendly interfaces? Well, I think you and I should have a very user-friendly interface.

Janine:I'm going to go... fold some clothes. In another room. Far away from you.