The One with Ross's Teeth

Hi, my name's Chandler. I just moved in next door. Would you like to battle me in a post-apocalyptic world for control of the galaxy's last remaining energy source?

Oh, my God. It's like a guy never lived in here.

You gotta be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. It's spreading.

Is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?

Is that your tiny little box that's too small to put anything in?

Soon, you'll be soaking your fingers in stuff.

We have to hem the new dust ruffle. Be right there, sweetums.

Totally different situation.

Is this Hillary, your hot assistant chef, Hillary?

No. The one who looked at you once because you got in her way.

Still, I could tell. She was into me.

Does she have a wedding dress?

Well, sure, but they might think it's weird considering I don't work there anymore.

A year ago.

You've lasted all year. Good for you.

Or maybe because you're all hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.

Yeah, let's head off to work.

Good kisser. - What? What? - You kissed him? - Totally.

What am I supposed to do, ask every guy I make out with if he's married? No, yeah, I should.

No. I just thought it was cute. Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.

I don't know this baby. I don't know if she's a famous artist or not.

You know, you got the candles and the 'foofy schmoofer' thing here.

I'm sure it's a famous watering can.

And what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?

Oh. Well, that's okay then.

It's clean. - Yeah, well, it feels different. It's dry.

Well, that's like summer in a bowl.

I didn't read it.

Yeah.

Tell me everything.

I whitened them.

I think I shouldn't look directly at them.

What was wrong with your old human teeth?

How much longer? - A day.

You'll be fine. Hillary's blind, right?

She will be after tonight.

Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside.

I am proud of all my friends today.

Hi, I'm Chandler, your live-in boyfriend.

Well, I am no woman, but that is one tasty dish.

Oh, wait. 'Ooh, Phoebe, I love you. Kiss me, please.'

He's young, and he's got long hair and a beard and a Hacky Sack...

Oh, my God. That's not Ralph Lauren. That's Kenny the copy guy.

Why would the copy guy say he's Ralph Lauren? To get you to make out with him. Oh.

Okay, so colors that don't work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange and purple.

Oh, great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you.

We're not 13 anymore.

Half the guys out there have makeup on. What? Half the people... I mean... Just try it and see.

No! Demon! Demon!

In fact, we're two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.

Go over to Joey's and drink some beer and hammer up some dry wall.

When guys hang out, they don't just drink beer and hammer up dry wall.

When girls hang out, we don't have pillow fights in our underwear. I'm sorry. We do. We do. I don't know why I said that.

Come on in. We're knitting potholders.

No, thanks, Josephine.

Oh, my God. Where are all the men?

Only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch, and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel.

I don't even know how to use my keycard.

You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.

Ross keeping his mouth closed and just mumbling throughout the date

So if you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.

Aw. I love birds.

And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist of a famous baby.

Oh, my God. I'm a woman.

What if Kenny hired that Ralph guy to be the pretty front man, huh? Did she ever think of that?

Sleep with Ralph Lauren. I'm not gonna sleep with Ralph Lauren. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't.

Ooh. Sleep with Kenny.

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with me? You've got a black light. It's 1999.

And you will never get promoted, especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine.

He just gave you the coldest look I've ever seen. It's like he hates you.

You and Ralph? Kenny the copy boy.

Joey, do you want me to put it all in your room? Okay.