The One with the Engagement Picture

Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!

Whoa! Willy's still alive.

Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.

No, there are great pictures of you next to a guy who's going like this...

Oh, my God, that's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.

Yeah, I'm not in that. - No, but look at me, all tan.

[WHOOSHING] Yeah, that's great. Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.

All right, but I should warn you. I'm not going. I'm going.

And those guys were this close to letting us play this time too.

You call him 'Cute Coffeehouse Guy'? We call him 'Hums While He Pees.'

Yes, and we call Ross 'Lingers in the Bathroom.'

'Hums While He Pees' just asked me out.

Ross, maybe you know him.

It's not a club.

They have that that on the napkins at the club.

Ugh, I could just spread him on a cracker.

Soon he'll be able to call you 'that lady he knew that got fired.'

Why, is he? He is, isn't he? He's dating that slut in marketing.

Maybe I should open a divorced men's club. - Dude, that's so sad.

I could put a basketball court in the back. - Could I play?

Oh, well, drop and give me 10 more. Heh.

I had a drink with lunch.

[CLEARS THROAT] ... Huh. ... Ah.

Okay, whoa, whoa. Easy there, Melissa. This ain't a locker room, okay.

Yeah, Melissa, I don't want to be known as the, uh, office bitch... but I will call your supervisor.

I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable? - No, I am.

Try looking sexy. - Okay. ... Or not.

You got anything that's not Ralph Lauren? - Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.

It's gonna take a lot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude.

Really? Because I could kind of use the money.

This picture's supposed to say 'Geller and Bing to be married'... not 'Local woman saves drowning moron.'

He's my drowning moron.

It seems to say, 'I love you and that's why I have to kill you.'

Why did you ever sleep with me?

Do you really want to pull at that thread?

Oh! No, that's okay. He's a friend.

Well, I missed the semifinals, so I think I would just be lost.

My ex-wife Whitney is out there. I cannot deal with her now. That woman is crazy.

All right, I'll do it. But just because you're a friend.

I'm sorry, but you'd better go, Pheebs. - Okay, Sherlock.

Kyle's ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her, not date her.

That's where we realized we are both super cool people.

And she uses sex as a weapon.

At breakfast, I'll be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.

Uh, your door isn't soundproof.

You see? Nothing is good enough for her.

Women? You mean, like old women? - Kind of old, like 30.

How you doing?

Borrow money from me?

Why is there jelly on your shoe?

That's why I never had any luck with Chandler.

I'm right here.

Finally!

I'm still right here.

Hell, I had a crush on you when I met you.

Did you have a crush on me when you first met me? - Yeah, sure.

Can you people not see me?

No, 10. You said 10. You can't take that back.

Really? - Yeah, for you.

Then I fell asleep on the subway and went to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is far.

Hi. - So how are things going with Crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?

And his response to each one was, 'I don't give a tiny rat's ass.'

Maybe he wouldn't be... if she didn't bring the office home every night.

Well, she certainly knew what she was doing New Year's Eve 1997.

We want the last six years back! - So do we! So do we!

Another night of bird-dogging the chicas?

I would love to! - What?

And speaking of being selfish in bed, how's Whitney?

For the most part.

Oh, just say it, Kyle!

You know, he hums when he pees. - I do know.

Makes him miss the bowl, but whatever.

Yeah, and I don't even give a tiny rat's ass.

You know, she did try to use sex as a weapon. - Yeah, I hurt my back a little.

You know, he hums while he does other stuff too.

Divorced men's club. - Potato, 'potato.'

Imagine what our kids would look like. - You know, we don't have to imagine.

I'm marrying her. - We'll just see.