The Gang Hits the Slopes

The mountain is a majestical place

Charlie:What do I do with my hands? How do I ski?

Unknown:Well, you're supposed to have poles. Uh... You know what, hold on to these guys for balance.

Charlie:These are glass.

Yeah.

Charlie:And don't break 'em, bitch.

Wonder how Charlie's doing.

Charlie:(Charlie screaming)

Oh, here he comes.

That's 'cause it's mountain rules, man.

Charlie:I don't get that, though. I just feel like I got lucky.

While you're back there, could you slap a sticker on the side of mine that says 'pussy'?

Part of what makes skiing so fun is that your brains could get bashed in, in any moment.

Mac:Eat this, bitch!

Dee:(laughing) Oh, shit. What'd you do that for?

Mac:Oh, sorry, Frank. We thought you were some jerk-off who bought the mountain.

Frank:I am the jerk-off who bought the mountain.

Frank:I'm turning it into a members-only resort for millionaires to plow their trophy whores in private.

Dennis:Whoa! That sounds amazing, Frank. I'm in. I'm in.

Charlie:I-I'm, like, so lost. So, uh, who do I go with in this situation?

That's my roommate, Turkey. We call him Turkey, 'cause his favorite drink is Wild Turkey.

No, I was in court all day. I was trying to win back custody of my daughter.

Oh.

Mm.

That's a bit of a downer.

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

Who stole my goddamn burrito?

No, it's there, Roach. I just moved it to make room for my coleslaw. Look. Did you mess with it? Did you come in it? Did you come in my burrito?!

I didn't come in your burrito! I wouldn't do that to you!

He's a little squirrelly from the concussions. Like I said, no helmets back in the day.

Mac:When was the last time you even had a babe in here?

Unknown:Oh, uh... my daughter stopped by about six weeks ago. Served me a court summons.

Mac:I say count it.

Rent money!

No, no. No, no, no, no, no. Whoa, no, no. Drink 'em. Drink 'em.

Charlie:Yeah, I thought this was made out of candy.

Dennis:It's a plastic tree, Charlie. It's not made out of candy.

Charlie:You said that this was a candy model.

Dennis:I never said it was a candy model.

Charlie:I believe I heard you mention it was a model made out of candy.

Charlie:It'd be a good idea to get a model of the banquet. We could make that candy. I'd like to get a visual on that banquet. And we may as well make it candy. It should be candy.

Dennis:Tatiana, I want you to clean yourself, for I will enter you hard and deep, and it will last for as long or as short as I please. But you will be clean. Only when you are clean will you know my power.

Everybody get your tits out!

Hell yes! He just said, 'Take your tits out,' and they all just took their tits out.

Dee:Yeah, I'm gonna keep mine in, just for now.

Uh, I lost one of 'em. Prostate thing. You know.

Yeah, yeah, me, too. It's still bouncing around in there, but it don't do nothing.

Charlie:Where'd these guys come from? Switzerland? Yeah, but they came here and they're racing with us? I don't... I don't understand that at all.

Dennis:You showed me some real stuff out there, guy. I was falling. You were falling, but you were fast. But I crashed into some tables.

PA Announcer:Looks like Charlie Kelly's walking off the mountain and out of the big race, ladies and gentlemen.

Charlie:He knows my name!

PA Announcer:Looks like Charlie Kelly's walking off the mountain and out of the big race, ladies and gentlemen.

Charlie:He knows my name!

Mac:We're drilling a hole in the women's shower so we can look at 'em naked.

Dee:Yeah. Why? What-what does that have to do with Frank and Dennis?

Mac:I don't know. I don't know.

Charlie:Well, nothing, really. It's just a warm-up prank to get the juices flowing.

Well, the real prank is when I jam my dick through that hole and yell, 'Special delivery!'

Charlie:Look, where I come from, you know, jamming your dick through a hole in the wall, that-that's assault, that's a felony, and, uh, it's just plain wrong.

Police:Freeze! Police! David Drisko, you're under arrest. This man has committed a litany of sexual assaults. His semen was recovered from crime scenes all over the mountain.

Mac:This guy might not be as cool as we thought he was. Even his awesome hair is bullshit.

Charlie:So you gonna race for them? No, Dennis, I'm gonna race for everyone. I want to race for the people. You see, last night Tatiana taught me all about Communism.

Charlie:Cold, hard winters, gross soups. She also taught me a lot about sex. Sweet sex, amazing sex, a lot of sex, Jacuzzi sex, Dennis!

Dennis:My ankles are broken!

Dennis:My ankles are broken for sure!

Crowd:His ankles are broken!

Crowd:He has broken his ankles!

Crowd:Oh, they're surely broken!

Frank:Uh... actually, uh... the whole Snow Palace thing was, uh, all for show. I needed to distract the local environmentalist groups while I fracked the mountain.

Frank:I hired the hookers, so you could rip their tops off.

Mac:That makes sense.

Dee:Oh... That makes a lot of sense.

Frank:I hired the hookers, so you could rip their tops off

Dennis:So, did you even hire that guy?

Frank:You know, Charlie, I have no idea who that guy is.

Charlie:I guess some things really are different on the mountain.

Frank:Yeah.

Charlie:I guess some things really are different on the mountain