Dee Day

Dennis:Mac, you have the tendon dexterity of a sow

Dennis:Needy and desperate for approval, but, uh, good.

Dennis:With one little gesture, he tells me everything I need to know. That wordless display of confidence earns my confidence.

Charlie:Don't say 'oyster.' Say 'clam.'

Dee:♪ Uh, Dee is in the house ♪

Dennis:First things first, we got to ditch Dee.

Dee:Oh, my God. You forgot. Oh, that makes it so much better.

Charlie:Dee's a bird!

Mac:You're a bird!

Dennis:I hate you, bird!

Dee:Today, it's you who will be forced to sit and just listen. And my first topic? My feelings.

Dennis:Today of all days, and now I'm being forced to listen to her feelings? I won't do it. And who cares about her feelings anyway? Nobody, that's who.

Mac:Uh-oh. I'm forgetting my part of the plan with every second that goes by. Dennis is gonna yell at me again.

Charlie:I'm pretty sure Dennis has candy. I heard a crinkle in his pocket that sounded like the wrapper of a candy.

Frank:Make the world your clam. Just sounds better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Everything you were saying, we were totally listening.

Dee:I'm gonna go take a quick squirt 'cause that beer just went right through me

Dennis:She just went to the bathroom. See, everybody's got to take a dump at least once in every 24-hour period.

Charlie:What? No, that's not what he's talking about, Mac. What he means is that it's time for me to go to the school, break in using my old janitor's key...

Dennis:And keep this kind of good focus in mind when it comes to what's inside your pants, 'cause I want that, man. I want what's in your pants.

Charlie:I got fired on account of a relationship I was having with a Juggalo child

Charlie:I'm ready to have new relationships with the children.

Charlie:They were breaking on in to your bicycle. Kicked it in half. Filled it with horse manure.

Charlie:Uh, I'm gonna fuck your bike up, Terry.

Mac:It's insanely racist. We didn't want to do it, but you know, Dee's humor is so lowbrow.

Frank:That's why you suck at everything, Maxie. I say if you're gonna do a racist stereotype, you best do it right.

Mac:I want you to ram him, all right? Nothing crazy, but it's got to be believable.

Frank:It won't be the clams, because if it was clams... ...clams and I was sick, it would be all over the pavement.

Frank:It's not the clams!

Frank immediately vomits

Frank:It's not the clams!

Dee:'with the quivering lips of two souls desperate to taste the juices of passion.' Did that seem like that to you guys?

Dee:Plant one on me, Covington!

Forced romantic scene between Mac and Charlie

Dee:with the quivering lips of two souls desperate to taste the juices of passion

Mac:And I know we're supposed to be cool with this, 'cause, like, that's where society's headed, but I'm just... I'm not there.

Dennis:Well, now you know how it feels.

Charlie:Oh, I don't want to taste your cheese.

Dee:The ostrich's eyes are bigger than its brain. Do you have any thoughts on that?

Charlie:Oh, my God, I want to scream 'bird,' I want to scream 'bird.' That would be so good.

Mac:Charlie has been outshining me all day, and I want to shine for you, Dennis

Charlie:I haven't been outshining you. I was just throwing you looks because I wanted the candy, but I was gonna share it with you

Dennis:I keep candy in my pocket sometimes so that I can get Charlie's focus. It was working like a charm, man.

Dennis:I'll bang her as fast as I possibly can, and then, while she's cleaning up afterwards, I'll set all of her clocks back

Dee:I'm talking about the concealer, yes. But I'm talking about the rest of the makeup, the tape you have behind your jaw and your eyes. I'm talking about the hair paint.

Frank:That's what his soul looks like.

Dennis:Do you like hard candy? I have candies. Oh, you know what? Actually, I don't. Scratch that. I threw all the hard candies at those idiot children.

Dennis:Can I get your house key? We don't have to have sex like this. I can put another man's face on.

Dee:This man is clearly a monster, and he will be punished accordingly.

News anchor:In a stunning upset, local ordinance LC-103 passed today. The controversial proposal actually legalizes public urination.

Dee:Why didn't you just go and slash her tires, like, five minutes before she had to leave for the meeting?

Dee:My plan did work, jackass. I got close enough to the councilwoman in the restaurant to steal her wallet, got her address, and then replaced the wallet without her seeing

Dee:Did you see how many times I peed today? I have a teeny, tiny, little bladder. I want to be able to pee on the street if I have to.

Dee:You should all probably check your phones. Just 'cause I pushed the cuckoo clock ahead an hour

Dee:You just insulted me on Dee Day. You know what that earns you? Another day of Dee.