Thunder Gun 4: Maximum Cool

Dennis:Focus Group isn't the title of the movie.

Mac:We're in a focus group.

Charlie:Huh?

We were walking out of the mall, and they offered us Red Lobster gift cards. Nevertheless, you know, they've chosen wisely.

Dennis:See, I, myself, am a prolific filmmaker. In fact, while you don't thrill me, I might even consider you for one of my roles.

Dennis:I'll get a performance out of you.

Mac:Whatever piece of shit you're gonna show us, you know, so we can tear it apart and get out to Red Lobster?

Oh!

What?!

Oh!

Really?!

Holy...

I, uh... I'm not sure.

Uh...

I-I was totally lost. Did they make Thunder Gun bad?

Mac:What's being set up?

Moderator:Um... the entire movie.

Mac:In the old movies, the good guy wore white, the bad guy wore black, or was black. Well, depending on the hero. Right? It's-it's not a racial thing.

Charlie:Mm. I hate people who are different than me.

Mac:Rocky one. Bad guy was black. Rocky II... another black guy. Rocky III... different black guy with a mohawk.

No, that's not gonna work. 'Cause they're white. No, because they're fun. They're a very fun group of people, right?

I mean...

Yeah.

Try to hate an Australian.

It's impossible.

A bunch of rapscallions.

Little rascals.

Dennis:Yes, yes. You will definitely dislike him, but you won't fear him because he's most likely a pussy.

Mac:Yeah. Look, I feel bad enough about myself as is. I don't need some super hot, funny, smart chick doing, like, roundhouse kicks and cracking computer codes to make me feel worse.

Mac:Bed 'em and dead 'em... first act, he meets a lady. She's super hot, but I'm smarter, right? And then he bangs her, and she gets dead.

Mac:Because all of the women are dead. You know? No competition.

Dee:Women hate women.

Charlie:I mean, he's probably got a thousand kids, all the raw-dog loads he drops.

Moderator:I don't know what 'raw-dog loads' are.

Mac:Okay, so... where's the dong?

Mac:John ThunderGun has hung dong in every chapter of this saga. And, well, I just watched 90 minutes of one, and yet not one hang.

Fuck you.

Bullshit!

This is exactly the type of Hollywood bullshit that America is sick of.

Frank:Years ago, before the Internet, we would all go out to the movies together... you give the creep-show at the window a couple of bucks, you could spend all day in there popping off.

Frank:And what am I supposed to do? Go home, turn the lights off and pop off in front of Charlie? No, thanks.

Frank:I'm talking about community, honey.

Dennis:They did it! They did. They ruined everything with this PC bullshit. Straight white men can't have anything anymore.

Charlie:I'm mad, but I don't know at what anymore.

Charlie:I'm mad, but I don't know at what anymore.

Mac:Did we leave a guy in there, though? Goddamn right we did, Charlie, and his name is John ThunderGun.

Save the dong.

Save the dong.

Save the dong.

Dennis:This is why you don't include women. Are you kidding me?! What?! Don't you see that there was a rhythm? Like a cinematic rhythm.

Mac:This is why you don't include women. Are you kidding me?! What?! Don't you see that there was a rhythm? Like a cinematic rhythm.

Mac:You're goddamn right!

Dennis:Yeah.

Mac:We want to see it. Yes, we want to see the man's dick, but... I guess what I'm saying is that it's no longer just about gratuitous boobs, it's also about gratuitous penis.

Moderator:I'm sorry, is this still about the flaccid penis you'd like to see?

Moderator:I'm sorry, is this still about the flaccid penis you'd like to see?

Dee:It made me wish I had a dong that I could pull out to celebrate my accomplishments. You know? Or maybe just feel the cool breeze gently tickle the shaft on a, on a crisp autumn morn.

Dennis:I say give me dong or give me death.

Mac:No, no, no, pirating is stealing. We didn't steal it, okay? We just downloaded it.

Dennis:Uh, the website is called 'MoviePirate.com.' And the other one is called, uh, 'FreeMovies/Arrrgh.'

Charlie:And the other one is called, uh, 'FreeMovies/Arrrgh.' Ah, I'm starting to see a little bit of a pattern here, because, uh, I also use one called 'StolenMovies.free.'

Mac:You're saying it's our fault that we don't get to see the dong?

What?

What d... What?

Moderator:You guys didn't get that from the final scene?

Frank:Got to side with Charlie on this one. I didn't get it. Now, wh-what was with the fire stick?

Charlie:Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... He has a son? Fuck, man! What?

Mac:How do you not get that?

Charlie:It wasn't clear.

ThunderGun fell into a volcano. He died. And now his son Max becomes Thunder Son, the face of the franchise moving forward.

Moderator:With your Hollywood liberal bank account!

Frank:Jesus! Who a you people?! I... am ThunderGun.

Mac:With your Hollywood liberal bank account! Jesus! Who are you people?!

Dennis:I am... Thundergun.

Dennis:Goddammit, Dee!

Dee:Dee...

Dennis:How did you not feel that I was next and then you?

Charlie:I recorded that whole thing for nothing. Dong-less!

Mac:With a little help. From some pirates. No hesitation. No surrender. No man left behind!

Mac:You want to watch it on the phone?

Charlie:Oh, good.

Charlie:All right. Five tickets for the price of zero.