2020: A Year in Review

Charlie:What if we let off some fireworks in here, huh? Fireworks in the bar? It's never been done before. Right?

Mac:If it's a guy, I got a football ready for him... What if it's a guy who hates football but loves flowers? Or a woman who loves football but hates flowers?

Or a woman who was assigned male gender at birth but has retained her traditional love of the game? Yes. Which she has the right to do. That is her right... Of course, it's 2021... That's fine.

Dennis:Here's the bottom line, you guys: it's 2021, all bets are off, okay? The chances of this person walking in and being your typical vanilla white guy are slim to none.

Gary:Hi. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, my name's Gary.

Mac:Oh, thank sweet Jesus. All right! Gary. This is a relief. It is so good to see you. This I can wrap my head around.

Gary:Oh, I'm so sorry. Uh, there must be some confusion. I'm not here to hand out PPP loans. I'm here to collect on ones you already have.

Mac:Hey, when the world says slow, we say go. That's right. Or strike. Or attack.

Mac:As an out-of-work bouncer, I was looking to pursue my other interests that would be as intellectually stimulating as choking out a jabroni and leaving him out in the street. Like my longtime dream of becoming an international country teen pop sensation.

Mac:♪ Girl, you give me feels when I see them heels / Let's ride on a horse, making love out in the fields / Never mind them flies ♪

Dennis:It feels like I'm asking her to forget the flies that are surrounding me, not the horse.

Mac:♪ Never mind them thighs ♪

Dennis:Thighs? Where What? Why thighs?

Mac:Yeah, well, maybe he's got thick, grotesque thighs and he's embarrassed about 'em.

I can't stop thinking about the election... Our democracy is at stake... we were concerned that our guy wasn't gonna get a fair shot

Mac:Do I want a bunch of eggheads who spend all day learning about shit influencing how I think about things? No.

Mac:Look at this one, with the New York hat. She got bussed in from that liberal hellscape?

We're gonna ask you a series of Philly-related questions in no particular order... Who is Uncle Eddie Savitz? Who is a better athlete, Donovan McNabb or Rocky Balboa?

Woman:Rocky Balboa is a fictional character, so this isn't even a conversation.

Mac:Are you saying you want Sly Stallone to be the starting QB for the Eagles next season?

Mac:So was Doug Flutie.

Woman:You saying he's an actor?

Mac:No, I'm say— He's one of the greatest football players that Canada ever produced.

Mac:Now you're comparing McNabb to a teeny-tiny little man who's, uh, named after a woodwind instrument?

Mac:Hey, what's up, Brian? Good to see you again... You want us back at the hundred feet? We'll go back to the hundred.

♪ Freedom is the choice you have / Is it Rocky or McNabb? / Cast your vote and make it clear ♪

Mac:The labeling was a bit obtuse and created a great deal of confusion... we might have been entirely responsible for the vote delays

Gary:What were you importing?

Frank:Inks, grease, paste. Sludges in general.

And, uh, what were you exporting?

Frank:Hair dye.

Frank:When society hits the brakes, I hit the gas, baby. Society break, I got gas.

If you have gas, take it out in the hall, okay?

Charlie:You look crazy, dude. Where you going?

Frank:I'm out.

Charlie:Why does nobody old know how to wear a mask?

Frank:Fortunately, my favorite bookstore never closes, and they never judge their customers.

Frank:There I was, staring at my idols, Peter North, T.T. Boy, the late, great D.J. Ram.

Frank:Shoe polish, India ink, permanent marker. I tried 'em all. Until I finally hit pay dirt. Chinese motor oil.

Frank:Little did I know, my work was about to be in the national spotlight, on the head of America's mayor, Rudolph William Giuliani.

Frank:Funny thing about the spotlight, though, sometimes it burns too bright. And that was the moment I knew it was coming to an end.

Gary:Wait, so you're saying that the hair dye that's dripping down your face is the same dye used by Rudolph Giuliani during the presidential election?

Frank:Yeah.

Dee:Charlie and I, we're the last tit on the hog before the asshole.

Charlie:I am so sorry for my partner's blue language. It does not represent our business, and it's extremely off-putting.

Dee:It was just a joke.

Charlie:Just stop.

Charlie:That's a mask. Yeah, of Ronald Reagan, but... Ronald Reagan? That's Dennis.

Charlie:'Fauch the Grouch.' Right? 'Mama needs wine.' Right? And this is funny 'cause women are alcoholics who hate their kids.

Charlie:Halloween store owners, they're gonna be, like, some of the richest people in America, Dee.

Charlie:Get the pelts, you bitch!

Dee:What pelts?

Charlie:The pelts! The pelts, you bitch! You insufferable bitch.

Charlie:The pandemic had kind of disrupted the bar's natural ecosystem. There was a real uptick in raccoons, which consider rat brains a delicacy.

Customer:Gentlemen. You got the stuff?

Charlie:Absolutely. Give me one minute.

Dee:Hey. Digging that face paint. Very festive. What are you gentlemen celebrating?

Dee:You're telling me that you provided the iconic costumes at the Capitol riots?

Gary:Yeah.

Charlie:Yep.

Gary:Can't say they weren't good costumes, Gary.

Fire.

Oh!

Huh?

What?

Shit, I see it.

Gary:You people have shamelessly gamed the system out of massive amounts of taxpayer dollars for fictitious businesses that have gone bankrupt, and still you have the nerve to ask for more money?

Frank:Well, that's what makes America the greatest country in the world. When you're in need, the government comes in and bails you out. Nothing made me more money than businesses I sent into bankruptcy.

'Washington outsider, not taken seriously by the liberal media, successful businessman, unsuccessful in love, electrifying onstage.'

Oh, yeah. That's our guy. That's Kanye. Kanye West.

Gary:I do not believe any of you. None of this happened. There is no way that you were all involved in every major event of the past year. Why? Because you're not Forrest Gump!

Charlie:Stop the count! Stop the count!