The Gang Goes to Ireland

All right, try to get it all the way up under her nose. All-all the way... I'm just trying to stick it in her mouth.

Good, because I'm getting sick of trying to keep the hair out of the soup.

It's not soup, it's stew, okay

I don't think stew has any arousing components.

We took that one first-class ticket, divided it into five coach tickets. And then gave you just enough sleeping pills to keep you blissfully asleep

Because we wanted to be supportive. Because we are always there for each other.

Hey, be sure to look to the right if you go in the road! 'Cause they drive on the other side here!

Do you know how hard it was to get you through customs? It was wicked hard, yeah.

Mac:Yeah, I'm back in the motherland finally! I've always wanted to trace back my family lineage. I mean, as the most Irish person here

Mac:Charlie, I have a shamrock tattooed on my thigh. I'm gonna show it to you! You want to see it?!

Why did you have to get the teeny, tiniest car possible?

Dennis:Did you want me to rent a big obnoxious American truck like that one over there?

Get fucked!

Dee:Here I am! 'Obnoxious American MILF' reporting for duty, sir!

Dee:I feel like the character would be late, too, so it's not really that big of a...

Dee:It's makeup left over from the show I did this morning.

Dee:I'm one wet wipe away from being your MILF.

Dee:Oh, you're gonna want to F this so bad!

Charlie:You got drunks, you got Irish people, you got, um... I guess that's the same thing

Charlie:And Shelley! Shelley's here, which is pretty cool.

Mac:All of those things are made up, including Shelley.

Charlie:Dude, he's not my imaginary friend, he's my pen pal, okay? And he's Irish, that's why his name is Shelley.

Mac:Number one, Irish. Number two, gay. Number three, badass.

You're none of those things, so you should be talking of none of them.

Mac:And I can have you canceled for even suggesting otherwise. I have the power to do that. Because I'm a gay man and you're just a straight white, cis male.

Mac:Wow. Yeah, nailed it.

Charlie:Maybe you are, like, from the McDonald family? Like, like, are you the Ronald McDonald? Like, is the hamburger clown named after you?

Frank:You want an authentic Irish experience? There's nothing more Irish than a corporate tax shelter.

Frank:Oh, it's Ralphie. Must've got trapped in here. Looks like he's fused to the carpet. It was.

Frank:Frank's Fluids supplier of Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah. Yeah, but before you judge me, know this: yes, I was on the sex island, but only for the snorkeling!

Frank:No, look, 95% of what went on down there was not pedophilia. No, the other five percent, that sullied the whole operation.

Mac:So you're telling me that you can't read English, but you can speak and read an entirely different language?

Charlie:I don't know, it's the mystery of the magic, I don't know. Plus, you know, these are Irish words, and my mouth is made for American words naturally...

Mac:I'm sorry, your pen pal's name was Shelley Kelly? Have you ever thought maybe you were related? Because you have the same last name.

Mac:Your mom was a giant whore, right?

Charlie:Yeah.

Mac:So maybe she banged her way through Ireland sometime in the '70s

Mac:You're not Irish. I'm not Irish? My last name is McDonald. No.

Mac's mom:Are you telling me that Dad changed his last name?

Mac's mom:Yep.

Mac:What's Dad's last name?

Mac's mom:Vandross.

Mac:Dad's name is Luther Vandross?

Mac:What are you?

Mac's mom:Dutch.

Mac:What's Dad?

Mac's mom:Dutch.

Mac:Am I Dutch?!

Mac's mom:Yeah.

Frank:Everybody was on the island that weekend. Jizzaline... the computer guy with the little weird glasses? He didn't do anything with the kids. But he was really into the manatees.

Frank:The following year, he doesn't show up, the manatee's all bent out of shape.

Dennis:Frank, can you please stop? I mean, this manatee was so depressed, she actually swam into a boat propeller. Boom! Blammo! Mantacide.

Frank:The computer guy with the little weird glasses? He didn't do anything with the kids. But he was really into the manatees.

Dennis:I've always noticed that redheads have a distinct odor. A pleasant odor, to be clear. But, um, a peculiar scent that is quite different than all other hair types.

Dennis:There's no smell at all to you. Am I to believe that you're a natural redhead and yet there's no odor? No odor at all? No, I don't believe you.

Irish woman:Are you okay, hon? You seem a little nutted.

Irish woman:Have you got a temp check yet?

Dennis:Don't-don't point that thing at me.

Irish woman:Jesus. You have a fever.

Dee:Yeah, yeah, it looks as though the makeup did redistribute down into my, my eye area.

Waitress:I've just been backpacking across Europe. About an hour ago, some guy approached me, said I'd be perfect for an obnoxious American MILF.

Dee:Oh, goddamn feminists ruin everything.

Dennis:See, the Irish are so accommodating. They don't want to drive headfirst into a maniac. They will simply move to avoid us.

Dee:Oh, my God, I'm on a call sheet! That's my name! I can't believe this! I'm gonna be an abused wife!

Well, she looked right.

Well, you got to look both ways. I mean, that's standard shit, man.

You definitely have COVID, man. You're the only one that didn't get vaccinated.

Frank:Pick her up? I mean... she's all gangly and then I'm gonna be crammed in the backseat with an unconscious person.