The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis

Well, because, you know, electricity's so expensive, man. So I figured let's get a generator and, you know, run the bar on it.

You're not the decision-making type. / As the brains of this organization, I should've made this decision. / I'm sorry but when did you become the brains? / I'm sorry I've always been the brains.

Are you kidding me? Gasoline's, like, a thousand times more expensive than electricity.

What are your talking about? I thought I was the brains. What the hell am I? / You're the looks. / Hey of course I'm the looks, but I was seeing myself as the brains and the looks.

No, you're the looks, I'm the brains, Charlie's the wild card. / Oh! That's awesome. / Yeah! Yeah, that's the classic setup.

Look, every great crew in history has followed that basic dynamic, right? Looks, brains, wild card. Think about it. The A-Team did it. Scooby Doo did it. The Ghost busters did it.

We're getting plowed in the ass by the oil companies and the gas companies with their ten-gallon hats and their rotten, ass-plowing hearts.

It involves pulling up our bootstraps, oiling up a couple of asses and doing a little plowing of our own. Pow! / Not gay sex. / Okay. / Okay, 'cause that's what it sounded like.

It involves pulling up our bootstraps, oiling up a couple of asses and doing a little plowing of our own. Pow!

Not gay sex. Okay. Okay, 'cause that's what it sounded like.

Yeah, man, if the guy doesn't seem like he's going for it, I'll show him this, uh, big-breasted women chart... and that'll win him over.

Charlie makes an incomprehensible wild card face

And you want him to think that you're going to take a dump or...? / Seriously, that's what that looks like?

It's not a rape van. It's a spy van. / It looks very much like a rape van to me but whatever.

I was going to eliminate everybody else and be the only surviving heir, so... help. / So when you say 'eliminate,' you mean you were going to kill me? / I don't know. No, yes, maybe I was going to; maybe I wasn't.

Oh, my God, I feel like you're really focused on one tiny part of what I'm trying to talk about here. / It's a very big part of your... / It's just a couple of words.

Wait for it... / Gasoline. / Excuse me. / Don't rush me. / Don't rush him.

These are gorgeous women with heaving breasts. / Yeah. Why? / Well, to be perfectly honest, we sort of thought we'd be speaking to a man today, so...

My boss is a woman. / Really? / Your boss is a woman? / Now, this is a strange bank.

You know... I just had a crazy thought. How's about I take you in the back and 'change' your mind?

Or how about we all go in the back and have great sex? / What are you doing, hmm? / I'm pulling a wild card here, man, so...

You can't pull the wild card when I already have my shirt off, that should be a rule. Can that be a rule? / Yes, that's a rule. / Oh, yeah?! Oh, yeah?! Back off! / Wild card, baby!

I water boarded some guy. Told me everything. / You tortured somebody? / Oh, yeah. Big time.

I don't want anybody to see in. / We can't see out, Frank! / I might've overdone it a little bit.

the gas pedal's stuck or something. / Well, wobble it. / 'Wobble it'? / Yeah, wobble it back and forth. / Wiggle it. Wiggle it.

Hey, assholes.

I can't believe Dee keeps her life savings in her sock drawer. That's a dumb place to hide it. She's an investor now. She'll thank us later.

I kind of can't believe that you guys took your shirts off back there, man. I mean, I feel like you really sold me down the river. The Ghostbusters would never do something like that to each other.

Stop now. You can't do this. / Come on, man. / Only cars. / So help me God, I'll blow this place to kingdom come.

Plus I have swallowed a good deal of it. It's just a damn waste.

You're about to experience the hard knocks of a free market, bitch. Get ready to feel it where it hurts. / Your dick. / No, no, not his dick. His wallet. / Your wallet.

Take this fertilizer, toss it in the closet. / What the hell are we doing that for? / 'Cause when I call the cops on him, they'll come and find all this bomb-making shit and they'll arrest his money-stealing ass.

That's a baby monitor, Frank. / You're planting a baby monitor? / Yeah? / A lot of people are bugging their babies these days. / I guess babies can't be trusted.

Like maybe Bruce is banging dudes. / Why would that be shady? / Maybe the dudes are babies.

Like maybe Bruce is banging dudes. Why would that be shady? Maybe the dudes are babies.

How exactly are you planning on counting a liquid? / I know how to count, dude.

I, for one, suggest me blowing fireballs to get that attention. / Fireballs? / Where is that coming from?

Wow. Okay, wow, I take back everything I just said.

Goddamn it! You burned my head! / Oh, I did. I burned him. / Really? / Easy, camper, easy, camper.

Do you have anything other than a towel and duct tape? Not really.

we're going to be done with your plans for a little while. 'Cause the system you set up, it ain't working.

What happened was, we confused your bossiness with braininess, and those two are very different things.

We're going to steal Frank's rape van because driving around with all that gasoline is ruing the interior of my car, and I just... I won't have it.

Why would we need disguises, Charlie? / So people don't know who we are, you know. / They already don't know who we are.

I bet you still hide your money in your sock drawer. / My sock drawer. / Yeah. / Come on. That would be stupid. / Yeah, you do.

I bet you still hide your money in your sock drawer. My sock drawer. Yeah. Come on. That would be stupid. Yeah, you do.

You're setting me up, and I'm getting the hell out. Frank, get back here. You're not gonna do this to me, girl.

Hello, ma'am. Well, what a lovely housedress. / Yeah, well, you're looking all sorts of good. / Now, you seem like a sweet, sophisticated, nice, busy, young lady, so we're not gonna waste your time today.

Nah. We're just a couple oil men in from Dallas, and, well, we're itching like a hound to give you a-something you want.

Nah. We're just a couple oil men in from Dallas, and, well, we're itching like a hound to give you a-something you want. / We want to feel you up, if'n you were so inclined as to let us.

Hells, yeah! We want to feel you up, if'n you were so inclined as to let us.

Well, now you're just talking like Foghorn Leghorn! / I say, I say, that's just damn preposterous, boy.

Okay, okay, I admit it! / What do you admit?! / I admit anything you want to hear! / Now, you admit that Bruce Mathis is a terrorist... / He's a terrorist! / and that you are working for him! / Yes, I work for him. We get our information from the top, the top cave.

All right, admit it, that Muslim guy was gonna rub me out, and that's when you jumped out of the van after I got out!

Frank is the muscle. / What? / The reason that shit hasn't been working out for us is because we are not working with our full crew. I'm the brains, you're the looks, Charlie's the wild card, and Frank is the muscle. / Well, what's Dee? / She's the useless chick.

She's the useless chick. Yeah!

I got Dee to admit to things she never did! / Well, then it works.

Because I cut the brakes! Wild card, bitches!

Because I cut the brakes! Wild card, bitches!

I didn't do anything to anybody, man! I love that car!

If there's something strange / In your neighborhood / Who you gonna call? / Ghostbusters!