The Great Recession

Mac:Ever since the recession hit, waves of new people are suddenly broke. These people have no idea how to live without money. They're what's called 'new poor.' We're old poor.

Mac:Have some class if you're gonna be poor!

Charlie:Well, you start putting plans under microscopes, nothing's gonna make sense, all right?

Frank:Dee! Sharpest item in the bar! I need it now! Let's go!

Dee:His neck is so thick, I feel like he's just gonna swing and dangle around for a really long time.

Charlie:Frank, it's not gonna work for you. Your neck's too thick, buddy.

Mac:Maybe we should take this time to streamline Paddy's, make it run as efficiently as the government.

Dennis:Frank, don't be a moron. You start cutting bonuses, you're gonna lose your top guys.

No, we're chaff.

No, we're not.

We're- We're wheat.

Why would you want to be wheat?

Why would you ever want to be chaff?

Dennis:We have no business sense? He's the one dangling from a noose 10 minutes ago.

Dennis:Dee, we don't know what it is that you do around here. You don't seem to do anything.

Dee:But the mountains, they've turned blue.

Dee:I quit.

Charlie:I am taking it to the furnace... This bar runs on trash.

Charlie:Well, I could put the trash into a landfill where it's gonna stay for millions of years, or I could burn it up and get a nice, smoky smell in here and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.

Mac:That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it.

Dennis:Charlie, that sign does not say 'Coors.'... It says 'closed,' Charlie!

Charlie:So you're gonna throw all the trash in the furnace yourselves. And you're gonna filter the rainwater barrel all by yourselves... and siphon it from all around the neighborhood.

Charlie:We're gonna call a trash man, an electrician, and a plumber and not turn the closed sign on when the bar is open!

Dee:Honey, I'm home! Feast your eyes on the new headquarters of Reynolds and Reynolds.

Charlie:Well, what the hell, dude? I don't know if I can live in a trailer, man.

Dee:You don't have to, Charlie. It's kinda tight in there already.

Dennis:We're not in the business of giving out handouts, Charlie. We're not the government.

Dee:That's a $200 shoe!

Frank:Look at that. Feast your eyes on your new business. Knives.

Dee:You want me to sell knives door-to-door?

Frank:No. You're selling vacuums.

Frank:Oh! [Shouts]

Dennis:Mine does not, and believe me, I've tried at several locations...

Mac:There's one in Franklin Mills I haven't tried. I feel like that could maybe work.

Dennis:It doesn't work anywhere else. It's only gonna work here...

Mac:Then afterwards, we'll go out to Fox Chase and use the Power Card at that Friday's out there.

Charlie:What are you talking about? You don't make house payments. You own this house. You've owned it for years. Mom, that's crazy. You collect Social Security.

Uncle Jack:You know, you and me palling around, getting nuts, doing crazy, fun things... It's stuff that relatives do.

Uncle Jack:You ever seen wrestling on television?

Charlie:I am well aware of what wrestling is. It's just not what uncles do to their nephews.

Beth:Actually, I'm vegan.

Frank:Okay. Then pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat. Maybe it is a shoe.

Frank:Owww! Ohh! Is this part of the whole thing? Oh, I cut myself! Ohh! It's a deep cut! I see your bones!

Dee:Oh, shoot! Oh! Oh, I'm missing it! Hey! Oh, no!

Beth:You're doing that on purpose!

Dennis:See, by transferring all of our cash into these Paddy's Dollars and then printing more of these babies than we ever had in cash, we've upped our value.

Frank:Good-bye, recession, hello, depression. You're very lucky that you're with somebody as resilient as Frank Reynolds.

Dee:You've tried to off yourself two times in the last 24 hours, Frank!

Charlie:These are crabs! Fresh, local Delaware runoff crabs...

Dee:Yeah, well- They look like sea scorpions.

Charlie:Yeah, there's a pretty bad sewage runoff, but, you know, crabs is sewage-proof!

Frank:We're crab people now. We'll live and die by the crab, Dee! We'll eat off the fat of the sea.

Dennis:How does this work, Mac? The money keeps moving in a circle. But- But we don't have any money. All we have is this.

Dennis:Oh, I blacked out that night. Shit, dude! I've been following your lead!

Mac:I don't understand how the U.S. economy works, much less some sort of a self-sustaining one.

Frank:The government is reimbursing me all the money I lost! I love this country! Baby, I'm back!