A Very Sunny Christmas

Charlie:What would that expression be for someone who has two lefts?

Charlie:Your left and my left are the same cause we're facing the same direction. We're two different people. We can't have the same left.

We drink a lot of eggnog, we pass out. And then we don't put anything up, so we do it all last minute.

Christmas morning tradition: 'Then we wake up Christmas morning and throw rocks at trains.'

Dee:Why would grown men throw rocks at trains?

Mac:Why wouldn't we throw rocks at trains?

He would find out whatever Christmas presents we wanted that year and he would buy 'em for himself instead of buying 'em for us.

Frank:Goddamn it! Merry Christmas, bitches!

Frank:You wantee? Fake-out! It's mine.

Frank:And I use it to keep in my Cheesy Loops and chocolate-covered malted milk balls.

Frank:Do not speak ill of the dead.

Dennis:She's speaking ill of you!

Dee:Who puts cheesy snacks and chocolate in a designer bag? Oh, Dennis, he's gonna ruin the lining.

Eugene:I had a near-death experience and I saw the light and I saw the truth of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Oh. Uh-oh.

Frank's gotten nowhere near the Lord

end up old and alone like yourself

Charlie:I found that in the street.

Mac:Remember when we would shave the neighborhood dogs and glue the fur to our faces and pretend we were him?

Charlie:And then we would bash away at him and we'd bash the dogs to pieces.

Mac:Goddamn it! Can I goddamn go? This is taking forever!

Young Mac:Young Mac screaming about getting a Cabbage Patch Doll

Who's down there?

Time to go, time to go!

Mac:That was the Christmas tradition where you go from house to house collecting your presents.

Mac:That's why there were never any presents at my house when I got back. The neighbors took them.

Charlie:Your dad is like a thief and a murderer who eats people, so he's not really trustworthy.

Frank:Fire! Fire! Fire! We're gonna die!

Dennis:You do not make modifications on a Countach. That car is perfect.

There's nothing in there.

Fake-out! There's nothing in any of 'em!

Charlie:Charlie's Santa tradition: Multiple Santas visiting his mom, giving him presents, then going upstairs to 'cheer her up'

Charlie:I didn't always understand the presents... one year, Santa even brought one of his elves.

Mac:I think your mother was a prostitute.

Mac:I'm fairly certain that those Santas were running a train on your mom for money.

Charlie:They would just give my mom money and go in the-

Charlie:Let that settle in.

Frank:That's what I do at home all the time- hide in the couch. I catch Charlie pounding off all the time.

Dennis:Why do you wanna catch Charlie masturbating? No, I don't care!

We're consultationists.

We pop around here. We consult across the street too.

Frank:It's too hot in the couch.

Dennis:Why are you naked, Frank?

Charlie:I buried it down deep. And two: I'm deciding I might not believe that that actually happened.

Omnibot:When you were a little boy, I was stolen from you on Christmas day. It was a big misunderstanding. I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry.

Charlie:At this point, I believe the robot's falling under the finders-keepers law of America.

Who is Mike Schmidt?

Mac:Who's Mike Schmidt! Have some respect here, man.

Mac:Next youre gonna tell me you don't know who Von Hayes is or Steve Bedrock Bedrosian.

Charlie:Did you fuck my mom?

Charlie:Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? Did you fuck my fucking mom?

Frank:When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.

Dee:If you think Jesus and the Lord are so great, why dont you have them swing by in their Lamborghinis and take your ass home!

Christmas Elf:I heard you've been a grumpy-Gussy Christmas grouch.

Christmas Elf:Elf's violent song about gouging eyes and chain-sawing knees

Frank:I didn't say the elf had no pants on.

Dennis:Oh. I might have added something in my brain there at the end.

The best part of Frank's story was how the four of us came together as a group to mercilessly slaughter him.

Charlie:Oh, you go fuck yourself in your fat fuckin' ass.

Mac:We're trying to give you the Christmas spirit, dick-hole!

Neighbor:I don't want it!

Mac:You're gonna get it anyway!

You stole a lot of money from me. You wrecked my career. You left me all alone to rot in a shit-hole apartment. Now it's time for payback!

Dee:What happened to all the God stuff?

Eugene:I'm still a liar and a thief.

That ain't gonna work.

Yeah, it's from the '70s, dick. It's not gonna work.

Mac:Just throw rocks at trains. You're gonna feel better. That's it! Merry Christmas, everyone!