How Mac Got Fat

Mac:I'm fat.

Mac:Oh, great and angry God, I command thee to smite my friends!

Mac:So, really, I'd like to confess on them, because they're sinners and pricks.

Priest:Son, I don't think you understand the purpose of confession.

Frank:What the shit is going on around here?

Dennis:It's like that book The Tipping Point.

Dee:I'm like the cute, funny waitress who has all these one-liners and hilarious jabs I throw at the customers

Charlie:No matter how psychotically vain... or needy and pathetic or, I mean, just plain sad.

Charlie:What are you looking to do? Like, flash-cook a-a gyro sandwich?

Frank:A meat bomb!

Charlie:I'm going to the crevice!

Frank:Charlie, don't go in the crevice.

Dee:Kids these days, they have so many more choices than we had when we were little. Am I right?

Dee:Well, they're not landing because I'm not getting to the punch line

Mac:I drank three bottles of champagne and hung out with a stray dog all night under a bridge

Mac:your jokes never land, all right? So please don't concentrate on your comedy anymore, 'cause it's terrible

Dennis:I'm bashing it.

Dennis:I saw a couple gray hairs, and I was, like, 'I'll eradicate those,' and then...

Mac:You look like Superman.

Dennis:Oh, shit. Maybe that's Superman.

Mac:I got some donuts and some M&Ms and some, uh, chips. I could pass them through if you want some.

Priest:Are you eating in there?

Frank:Hey, that's good. You want to do that to people?

Charlie:Frank, you've just created a four-way intersection. If anything, you've made this intersection safer.

Mac:Dee is guilty of sloth, and she's pro-abortion.

Mac:I don't want to go to any poor places, you know. Successful guy like myself, I'll have a target on my back.

Dee:You're just going to sail around the United States is what it looks like.

Dennis:I got a chemical peel.

Dennis:I was just trying to live up to all of your expectations of me. Physical perfection.

Mac:it looks like you're wearing a mask of yourself over your face. Not a good one.

Mac:When I leave the gym, and I have a full pump...

Mac:Father, when Peter did the statue of David, he wasn't just hammering at pebbles. First, he ordered the Jews to bring him a massive slab of marble.

Charlie:I dip it in bleach, then it's clean!

Charlie:Because I'm dipping them in bleach so that I can clean them faster. I don't have time to wash every single glass. I dip it in bleach, then it's clean!

Charlie:Then get out of my bar! Get out of my bar!

Dennis:I'm running at of ten of excellence, and I'm used to being at whatever number.

♪ Big, fat, big, fat Big, fat titties Big, fat ass. ♪

Dee:But you have candy coming out of your pocket.

Priest:if I smite your friends and absolve you, will you leave?

Mac:When does the spell kick in? When is God going to shed some of this weight for me?

Mac:glory unto you, ghost man in the sky, that created us all and pre-determines everything.