The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre

God!

Detective:Those are some interesting marks on your neck. Let me guess. Ex-wife's getting remarried, you get a little jealous.

Mac:Why is Maureen getting married in the middle of the woods?

Charlie:It's a monster day.

Frank:Just don't like getting bussed up there. I feel like we're gonna be trapped.

Dennis:I'm tired of paying alimony.

Charlie:You know why? 'Cause it's Friday the 13th.

Dennis:Jesus Christ! You guys crashing my wedding? Wait. What?! You?! Wait, Liam, you're marrying Maureen?

Liam:Big-time. Don't be jelly.

Liam:Oldest angle in the book, my friend. Love.

Liam:That's a negative, Ronald McDonald.

Liam:See you bitches on the dance floor.

Frank:I'm here to support my friend, Bill Ponderosa. I'm his AA sponsor!

Frank:I just got tagged by a bat!

Mac:He got you.

Frank:I got tagged!

Frank:Suck out the poison, Dee!

Dee:Let's go break up this wedding.

Frank:I'll give you $200, you suck it out.

Charlie:$200? I'll do it!

Frank:Did you swallow it?!

Charlie:Of course I swallowed.

Frank:Make yourself throw up!

Dee:Let's go break up this wedding.

Dennis:Stop, stop! So you were there to break up the wedding. Shit. Did I just say that part?

Ryan:The McPoyle bloodline's been pure and clean for a thousand years. This marriage is an abomination.

Ryan:The McPoyle bloodline's been pure and clean for a thousand years.

Mac:When you say 'pure and clean,' you mean what, exactly?

Ryan:Means we haven't bred outside the bloodline.

Mac:For a thousand years?

Charlie:Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

Ryan:Okay, I brought a disguise.

Mac:Meh! They're gonna know who you are.

Ryan:Now sneak me in so we can go kill Maureen.

Dennis:Kill? Who said anything about killing anybody?

Bill:Well, I feel it would be best if I pounded a beer.

Frank:I'll support that decision.

Bill:You're my sponsor, Frank. Come on. My support system.

Frank:Right, right, right. Of course. So, do whatever you feel is best.

Bill:Well, I feel it would be best if I pounded a beer.

Frank:I'll support that decision.

Bill:I mean, it's a dry wedding, for God's sakes. They're serving milk.

Bill:I feel like maybe I should do some drugs then, you know?

Frank:That bad? You earned it.

Dee:You're a bad sponsor.

Frank:Why? I supported every decision he wanted to make.

Mac:Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Charlie:Yeah. We could definitely get laid here.

Dennis:Yeah, I realize my timing is a little unorthodox, but, I figure what better way to make sure your union is totally complete than by having you sign these documents that I need you to sign?

Dennis:You big, giant new titties, Maureen! Why would you do that now? Why not when we were together when I could've...?

Dennis:I'm talking about your tits! You big, giant new titties, Maureen! Why would you do that now? Why not when we were together when I could've...?

Mac:What is that all about?

Charlie:I'll tell you what that's all about. Zombies.

Charlie:Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through the pack like a wildfire. Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds.

Charlie:You know the thing about a rat? It's got life in its eyes. Black eyes like a doll's eye.

Mac:Are you doing the speech from Jaws? Are you doing Jaws? We don't have time for this shit.

Pappy McPoyle:The McPoyles sprung from my loins, fully formed! One of them babies tried to eat me! I ate him first!

McPoyle:Syphilis killed about half of us. Mongoloidism got most of the rest.

Syphilis killed about half of us. Mongoloidism got most of the rest.

Dennis:And we never saw Dee again.

No.

We saw Dee.

Yeah.

Charlie:She's infected!

Mac:She's infected!

Ryan:It's not our blood that's being tainted. It's us tainting the blood of others. McPoyles will take over the world!

Mac:Remember when Dee, you know, she sucked that bat poison or whatever out of Frank's head from the vampire bat?

Charlie:Why would a vampire bat turn you into a zombie? You're mixing up your horror genres.

Mac:You're mixing up your horror genres. If anything, it would turn you into a vampire. Right or a bat, or a bat. Or Batman.

Mac:That can't possibly be what Batman's about. It's about a grown man who dresses up like a bat?

Charlie:These are Academy Award winning movies. This is serious stuff.

Mac:Well, you know the Academy, Charlie, I mean...

Charlie:I know the Academy as well as anybody. Sometimes, it's atrocious.

Dennis:I did something bad. I did something really, really bad; guys, we got to get out of here before everybody finds out what happened.

Bill:Here, have a sip, right from the cow's titty. You'll love it.

Dee:How is drinking a glass of milk going to loosen me up, Bill?

Bill:Well, I spiked the milk with methylenedioxypyrovalerone.

Bill:It's bath salts. Yeah, yeah, it's like coke and acid and meth all combined. It's awesome.

Well, I spiked the milk with methylenedioxypyrovalerone. What? It's bath salts. Yeah, yeah, it's like coke and acid and meth all combined.

Mac:Dude, when was the last time you drove a car?

Charlie:Don't worry about it, man. I can drive; I remember how.

Mac:What happened, dude?

Charlie:I forgot how to drive.

Mac:Dude, when was the last time you drove a car?

Charlie:Don't worry about it, man. I can drive; I remember how.

Mac:What happened, dude?

Charlie:I forgot how to drive.

Dee:You sons of bitches! You're gonna pay! You're all gonna pay! I'll kill you!

Charlie:No, we won't pay. We never do.

Police Officer:Since you're the one with motive and the last one to be seen with her, you're my new #1 suspect.

Dennis:God, Maureen. That was terrible. Who did those tits? The nipple placement is crazy.

Maureen:Never. Let's run away together.

Dennis:I'm gonna run away, but not with you.

Detective:You expect me to believe this woman's gonna throw her entire life away just to sleep with her ex-husband on her wedding night? Really?

Maureen:Come on, silly head. Let's go home and put this whole adventure behind us.

Dennis:No. No! No, you got to help me. What have I done?