Charlie and Dee Find Love

Charlie:I just... I can't believe you just bought, like, another ridiculous ugly car.

Sweet Dee:You are lucky I am letting you into my goddamn... Oh, shit, okay, okay, here she comes

Charlie:Charlie barking at potential bike thief

Charlie:I keep a list of things that I do, okay? I watch your bike so it doesn't get stolen, okay? I put, uh... I put vitamins in your shampoo so your hair doesn't fall out. I test your food so it doesn't get poisoned.

Dee:Mm, no, I'd like to follow her around.

Sweet Dee:If you don't have car insurance, you better have dental because I am gonna smash your teeth into dust!

TREVOR:So sorry, that was completely my fault.

SWEET DEE:Yeah, it's goddamn your fault, I... Oh... look at you. My God.

Mac:My uncle even drowned in a vat of their molten steel.

Dennis:He didn't drown, he burned up.

Frank:Yeah, he probably burned.

Mac:Yeah, I don't think he drowned.

Dennis:Charlie, do not eat any cheese or any cheese-like substances, okay? If you see any cheese, you run away from it!

Dennis:Dee, do not be a drunk, punchy whore, okay, you whore?

Sweet Dee:Oh, yeah. Well, I imagine they destroyed many an Indian. Mm. I too sort of have distaste for the Indians, you know? They're savage things. They're nasty, really.

Well, and I, too, am of a large... um, money-ful family. He, too. Shippers of-of goods and, uh... Services. Builders of... tall... Buildings.

Charlie:Charlie sees cheese and has a breakdown despite trying to ignore it

Sweet Dee:Oh, shit, that is such a relief because look at this pit stain. I mean, we're, like, totally, like, normal.

Frank:This is like Lady Di being plucked from the streets like the trash she was and the trash that Charlie and Dee are.

Dennis:This is a Les Liaisons Dangereuses... Dangerous Liaisons... Cruel Intentions... She's All That? Can't Buy Me Love? Almost any movie made in the late '90s?

Mac:What about Dee?

Dennis:What, Dee? No, she's constantly being crushed. She'll bounce back, she always does. Or she won't. It doesn't matter. I don't care about that.

Sweet Dee:No. No. No, not friends. Hobos.

Ruby:I think you look really pale. Do you need some sunscreen?

Sweet Dee:How about I free that big fat snake in your pants and uninhibit myself all over it?

Charlie:I got more of a Catholic thing going on. You know, sort of the hand of God.

Ruby:Oh, oh, Waitress. Why didn't you just say that?

Waitress:Uh, because my name is not Waitress.

Frank:Putting rat poison in her shampoo. Just gonna make her hair fall out. Crazy.

Charlie:There's a girl who lives in this building, and, um, well, she's... she's the love of my life... And I like you so much that before we move any further, I just... I don't know. I had to get that out there, 'cause I think I'm ready to let her go

Charlie:Oh, shut up, bitch! Who the hell is this, Charlie?! She's my girlfriend.

Mac:My uncle's probably built into the foundation of this place.

Trevor:Well, you guys'll be out here with some of my frat brothers' guests.

Oh, yeah. We'll... we'll meet you af... we'll see you after.

Sweet Dee:Oh, no, Mac. I see what's going on here. He's doing to us what I like to do to Charlie and the waitress.

Dennis:You see, you thought you all could get together and play your little games, have some fun, you know, invite some geeks to the ball, swap some stories, have a laugh. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! But you took it a little too far... when you gave an inside-trading tip to my friend Mac, didn't you, Trevor?

Mac:What was the context? Wrestling. It's wrestling. We're oiled up and wrestling. What is so hard to understand about this?!

Waitress:Charlie, look, I don't know what's been going on, but if you think you can make it stop, I need your help. I want you back in my life... I need you.

Charlie:I was using you. That's why I kissed you in front of the waitress. That's why I banged you a bunch of times, just to make the waitress jealous... You know what you were acting like? A stupid little rich slut. And that's all that you are.

Charlie:She says no to a man, for years, like, ten years. That's what a real woman does, okay?

Frank:Guess Charlie had the cruelest intentions of all, huh?

Waitress:Uh, I don't think there's 50 feet in this room, so...

Charlie:I don't think there's 50 feet in this room, so...

Waitress:I'll go down the hall. Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.

Charlie:All right, well, that's fine. From a distance, though.