The Gang Dines Out

Mac:I tell you, I've been looking forward to this for... 29 days!

Mac:I did my hair good, and I wore two colognes.

Dennis:Maybe we'll get lucky and watch one of these dumb-ass waiters spill spaghetti sauce all over himself. And fall down or something.

Mac:Or the anniversary of us moving in together, which is like an anniver-- it's been a long time. Anniversary is what it is, really.

Mac:I was trying to feel your breast.

Frank:I'm sure at some point they'll come over to pay tribute.

Dee:They're calling me 'Scarecrow.' 'Cause I'm all alone in the cornfields, scaring away the other birds.

Dee:I have a Groupon for this evening that expires tonight.

Frank:Can't believe this. They still haven't paid tribute. It's been ten minutes.

Mac:My eyes, they slant down. I don't have a good peripheral.

Dennis:I'm already sitting in the wobbliest chair in the entire restaurant.

Dennis:I don't want to sit on a pile of matches.

Dennis:Here I am, a regular, a full-paying customer, and I'm sat by the kitchen on the wobbliest chair in Philadelphia. You know, forced to eat dinner with this swarm of coupon-waving trash.

Dennis:There's an old, short, fat man here. He's sat with his young sleeping partner. Bring them a glass of the house red from us.

Frank:Living with you has... changed my life. I-I used to be unaware...

Frank:One glass of wine for two people, and house red? That wasn't nice. They're just trying to agitate us.

Dee:There are men here, and they're watching me.

Dennis:Is that table having a meal consisting only of loud noise, screams, and hollers?

Dennis:Well, maybe my old pal, uh, Abraham Lincoln begs to differ.

Dennis:Maybe this George Washington will make it come here faster.

Frank:We'll say, we don't want that. You know? We'll-we'll tell them that, uh, what is it, Chilean wine is out of season, and that their taste in wine in general is very poor.

Dennis:I'm just gonna pour the wine out.

Frank:Those two guys don't give a shit about you, Charlie. You bought a business together; they made you a janitor.

Dee:Tie his shoelaces together.

Waiter:You want me to... tie a customer's shoelaces together?

Dee:Oh, no, I-I would lose my job. And I wouldn't be able to work at Gugino's anymore, and my family, and they'd be so disappointed 'cause they're currently so proud of my accomplishments.

Dee:I mean, God, lighten up, guy.

Dee:Oh, no, I-I would lose my job. And I wouldn't be able to work at Gugino's anymore, and my family, and they'd be so disappointed 'cause they're currently so proud of my accomplishments.

Mac:When I wanted to get the karaoke machine for our apartment, you laughed in my face.

Dennis:Your hair looks small.

Dennis:You remember that night at Dooley's pool party? On that fine summer eve, when I did that double jackknife twist and blew everybody's tits off?

Dennis:And then I went down on Chrissie Orlando on the trampoline later that night?

Frank:Frank Reynolds, Charlie Kelly. We would like to make a toast.

Frank:Those people refuse to drink. Yeah. They don't know how to pay tribute. They hate America! They hate the troops.

Frank:They hate America! They hate the troops. They hate the people who work hardest for them. They turn them into janitors.

Dennis:He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges, instead of just retreating to the sewers... nude to forage for rings and coins.

Dennis:He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges, instead of just retreating to the sewers... nude to forage for rings and coins.

Dennis:And I licked her asshole a little bit. It was pretty good. It was all right. It wasn't great. But it was fine.

Dennis:♪ Did you ever know That you're my hero? 'Cause you are the wind Beneath my wings. ♪

Dennis:I was talking about you.

Mac:That was about me?

Dennis:Yes.

Dennis:He wasn't there when I went down on Chrissy Orlando.

Dennis:Those goddamn sons of bitches. They turned up the A/C. Because they knew we were sitting right underneath a vent.

Mac:I'll pinch their dicks with this lobster.

Hey, his shoelaces are tied together.

Dennis:I've wanted to see that all night long.

Frank:Have you been here this entire time?