Andy And Aprils Fancy Party

'Cause nobody wants to steal a Saturn.

No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no!

Dentist pulled the tooth out yesterday. But it's always a good idea to demonstrate to your co-workers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. Plus, it's always fun to see Tom faint.

which is officially my friend Burly's home, because I don't have a home.

And dinner parties do combine two of our favorite things... dinner and parties.

It's like if you could have a Xbox pancake.

Yeah. Apparently they want me to bring Avatar and 50 pairs of 3-d glasses and a 3-d-capable television.

Well, this is a great city. You know, it's definitely the best city in Indiana, probably America, possibly the world.

You know what, Jerry? I make fun of you a lot, but credit where credit is due. You know, I like how the... Damn it. I was so close. It's a terrible shirt.

I was in charge of the cake. To be fair, it's not a cake so much as it is a vegetable loaf.

So not only does this thing exist, but now you have deprived everyone of cake.

We're in the jungle. There are no friends here. It's every woman for herself.

Dating is a zero-sum game. If you get a man, I don't get that man.

Well, you are a huge nerd. But I'd be sorry to see you go, man.

So are you going on, like, a year-long walking tour of the set of The Lord of the Rings in New Zealand?

To be honest with you, I wasn't a fan of, uh, Peter Jackson's interpretation.

To each other.

Are you sick? Are you terminal? Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember?

Well, I mean, it's actually a really funny story. We were hanging out. And suddenly, I was like, 'What if we got married tomorrow?' And she was like... 'Fine.'

Like, a house or, like, a condo or something. Probably a condo. It's... you can't just get a condo. No, you're right... house.

It took me four years to find the right hairdresser, and we still fight all the time!

Is that that toothy girl from Mystic Pizza?

No, I'm not. Um, I-I was just ribbing you.

So you just laughed and said, 'Yeah'?

Did you grow up in the woods? Are you Nell from the movie Nell?

You get drunk. You make speeches. And you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

I'm going to. And then I'm gonna divorce him. Then I'm gonna marry him again.

One time, I fell madly in love with a Civil War reenactor that I had only known for six hours. And then I found out he wore those clothes all the time. And he was married. But the clothes thing really bothered me.

This shirt is hilarious.

Are there any strippers here? Former strippers? Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk?

I don't know, Ann! Help me, please!

No, Orin, I don't know how I'm going to die. Wait. Are you asking me or telling me?

My Brita filter is older than their relationship.

If you would do me the obligation of having your honor heretofore in the room doth right over there, uh, hence.

I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Is that cool?

And I don't care if I have to fight an ultimate fighter or a bear or him, your mom... I would take them down.

So that one is dead. We know that.

Leslie, I got married twice. Both times, I was a lot older than those two. And both marriages ended in divorce... And a burning effigy.

Oh, my God, you're right. I get to burn another effigy.

The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol... From a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.

Also, if anyone finds my gray hoodie, I lost it.

Joke, Vince Vaughn quote, obviously. Swingers Crashers? Fred Claus. Talk about Andy's ex-girlfriends. Quote from Love Actually. Hold back your tears. Pause. Drop the microphone. Get out of that bitch.

How can anyone ever possibly top that? Am I right? So thank you all for all the talking. Let's just get back to dancing, huh?

However, he proudly told me that he 'beat herpes.'

I'm a nurse, actually.

You're not still married, are you? But you... you're straight? Jean-Ralphio's just a friend?

I mean, seriously, I cannot emphasize how little we thought about this.

Oh, my God. That's the same girl from the thing. From the wedding ceremony, yeah. All the good ones are taken, huh, bro?

'Hope we can get together soon.' Okay, now you write, 'Who is this?'

We're having so much fun, except for, uh, Roberta here turns out sucks at water-skiing so bad. I'm gonna divorce you.