The Camel

We've had someone throw acid at it, tomato sauce. Someone tried to stab it once. We really need better security here. We also need... better, less-offensive history.

Leslie, what's your design gonna be? A tree? / Joe, you work in sewage. Your department literally specializes in crap.

Crap is a slang term, and I don't like that term. But at least we don't specialize in losing... Like you guys.

How does sewage always get the hottest interns?

Look at Madonna... Great singer, amazing arms. Look at O.J. Simpson... Heisman trophy winner, naked gun.

That's not true. I've seen your fingernails. / I pay someone to do this.

Only Ron can order the whole department to do something. Ron, order them to do this. / Do whatever Leslie says.

Designers, make it work. / Tim Gunn.

I got my first job when I was nine. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country.

No, I have a bunion that's practically its own toe. Normally, the pain howls through my loafers like a banshee on the moors, but... for these past three minutes, it's been reduced to a faint growl.

Here. Just gimme $20 worth of art. Just something that seems personal that only I could have done. Well, tell me about yourself. No. Just paint.

I have no interest in art. Let me clarify. I have no interest in non-nude images.

Dude, what the hell kind of art is this? Looks like a lizard puking up skittles! / I'm an abstract expressionist. / No, you're a con artist, and I'm a guy that's out 20 bucks.

I know everything about this town and these murals, and that's why this is a dream come true... Literally. I have had a dream where I designed a mural. But then it turned into a nightmare because the mural started talking, and it came alive, it was whispering, and I couldn't hear what it was saying, so I leaned in close, and then it ate me. At one point, Gina Gershon was there.

Never understood the term elbow grease. I guess it's not really grease. Just hard work.

I feel right at home as a shoeshine. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well.

That looks like something a death row convict would make in art therapy.

You can't make art because you are art. You're beautiful... But that sucks.

A piece of art caused me to have an emotional reaction. Is that normal?

Who's the Jesus? / That would be Greg Kinnear. / I didn't know he was from Indiana. / Yeah, you know, I read that he was.

He was great on ER... / Greg Kinnear wasn't in ER. / Yeah, he was. / I don't think that he was. / Who am I thinking of?

You said 'murinal'. / No, I didn't. / You said 'murinal'. I heard it. / Why don't you put that murinal in the men's room so people can murinate all over it?

Go to the doctor. You might have a murinary tract infection. / Murinal, murinal, murinal!

It's pointillism. And each dot is a photo of a citizen of the town. / No one cares. At all.

This is a human-sized hamster wheel that will be next to the mural, if we can get one, and it'll be spinning, and there'll be like a fat guy in it all the time like screaming and like eating raw beef and like bleeding, and like blood will come out of his mouth and stuff.

I have one question. Why? / If you have to ask, you don't get it.

Like the Mona Lisa or the music of Squeeze.

Look at the oscars. This is our holocaust movie. This is our English Patient.

One to one to one to one to one to one. / We all voted for ourselves, didn't we?

What the ****, man? / I don't know what happened. Frankly. I emitted a noise. The noise was involuntary. Sometimes a sound is just a sound, you know?

Ann's blows. / Don't hold back.

Only god could do that!

It's like if you got Michelangelo and Andy Warhol and Jackson Pollock and Jim Davis from Garfield to do one painting. Imagine how good that painting would be!

Ann's in trouble. We think it might be pills. / What? / That's a lie. But this is as important.

You made a camel. You've never heard that saying? A camel is actually a horse designed by a committee

I've seen you sketch things. Like poles for stop signs. That everybody stops and looks at. / By law, they're required to.

I was gonna go to Arby's and watch Frontline.

It's like what motels put up, and it hangs there for years, and no one ever throws acid at it.

I'd take Jerry's Murinal over this.

How's life in the Parks De-fart-ment? / Better than life in the Sewage De-fart-ment. Which makes more sense.

The moan. The weird moan you made that was super-weird? Do you not remember that? I talked about it with the lady who went after for 1/2 hour. She said she thought it was an animal...

It's your basic dogs playing poker, but, with an everything's-on-fire theme.

This is my nephew over here. And this is an attractive lady with a hamburger for a head.

It looks like he's carrying Kinnear into the burning building. / That's because he's moonwalking. So he... Should be goin' the other way.

They're changing the title to the diversity express.

Shut up and do more art for me.

I like the green one and the red circle right here. / I'm tearing up, man.