The One with the Birth

But when I spoke to her, she said she'd already passed the mucus plug. [GROANS]

I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handing out cigars.

Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.

It's only like $2 for the first contraction and then 50 cents each additional contraction.

What, it's okay when Chandler does it? You have to pick your moments.

I just thought we might be here for a while, so, you know, things might get musical.

Hey, where the hell have you been? We stopped at the gift shop. I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.

Susan wanted a-- You're having a baby. A baby. You don't stop for Chunkys.

I used to have that bumper sticker.

I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start.

Each one's like a little party in my uterus.

Fifty-nine seconds. Quartz. Ha. Swiss quartz. Ha, ha.

Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station. I'll get them. No, I'm getting it. Be right back. No, I got it. I'm getting it.

I'm Carol's ex-husband's sister's roommate. I'm your roommate's brother's ex-wife's obstetrician.

I want a baby. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.

Get up. Come on, let's get some coffee. Oh, okay, because we never do that.

Shoot, shoot, shoot. Or just fall down. That's good too.

You know, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.

They couldn't hit a boat if-- Wait.

Uh, let me get the father. Hey! We need a father over here! We need a father! There's no father. Oh. Oh. Oh, sorry.

[SINGING] They're tiny and chubby And so sweet to touch But soon they'll grow up And resent you so much Now they're yelling at you And you don't know why And you cry and you cry and you cry

Thanks, Ross. Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.

No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?

When we're 40, if neither of us are married... what do you say you and I have one? Why won't I be married when I'm 40?

Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?

Dear God. This parachute is a knapsack.

Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors? Is, like, your father a doctor? Yeah. Why?

What do you mean, 'Joey who?' [MOUTHS] Joey who? Tribbiani. Joey Tribbiani.

She's not much of a phone person.

Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Um, no.

So is this her? No, this is a loaner.

I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse and a helper guy.

Yeah, Knicks by 10. They suck. Eh, they're not so bad.

What do you mean, 'back to Jordy'? We never landed on Jordy. We just passed by it during the whole Jesse/Cody/Dillon fiasco.

You get to sleep with her. I get the cramps.

I'm trying to get a person out of my body here and you're not making it any easier. Now go!

What is that? Something exploded. It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?

Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along. Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.

There are children coming into the world in this very building and your fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing.

Don't make me do this again! I don't like my voice like this!

What are you gonna do, suck the door open?

He's in a whole other place. Yeah. No, he's gone.

I'm only 26. I'm not even thinking about babies yet. [BABY COOING] [SOBBING]

Where have you been? Oh, I just had a baby.

It's hard enough to get women to go out with me. Heh. Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.

Ahem. Yeah. Gotcha.

So is this her? No, this is a loaner.

Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Father's Day. There's Mother's Day. There's no Lesbian Lover Day. Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they fight over who gets to love it the most and it's not even born yet. It's just the luckiest baby in the whole world.

Uh-- Oh, that's great. Anybody seen a nipple?

Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital Worker Ben. It's Ben to the rescue.

Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is, in fact, a dark vent.

Wait! You forgot your legs!

So anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go.

Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?

Oh! A head. Oh. It's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?

What does he look like? Kind of like my Uncle Ed, covered in Jell-O.

How about Ben? I like Ben. Ben. How come you never mentioned Ben before? We, uh, just cooked it up. That's what we were off doing.

Susan, he looks just like you.

I know. I still am one of these.

I will always have gum.

And sometimes I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this.

Hey, Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.

He doesn't do much, does he? Nope, this is pretty much it.