The One with the Thumb

"We should do this again" means "You will never see me naked."

"It's not you" means "it is you"

"You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."

"I think we should see other people" means "Ha, ha, I already am."

"Like when you're a kid and your parents put your dog to sleep and they tell you it went off to live on some farm."

"That's funny. No, because, uh, our parents actually did... uh, send our dog off to live on a farm."

"Uh, Ross...?" [Awkward silence as Ross realizes]

"Oh, my God. Chi-Chi." [Realization their dog is dead]

"Hey, that was really good." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Thanks."

[Joey coughs violently after smoking] "I think this is probably why Dimon smokes in his cell alone."

"Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that has been missing from your hand."

"When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete." "You miss it?" "No, not so much."

Penis size measurement conversation with thumb and index finger

"That's ridiculous. Can I use either thumb?"

Phoebe correctly guessing everyone's coffee orders

"And there's 500 extra dollars in my account." "Oh, Satan's minions at work again."

"Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping."

"Do you know what I'd hear with every step I took? 'Not mine. Not mine. Not mine.'"

"And even if I was happy, okay, and skipping... I'd hear, 'Not mine. Not mine.'"

"We're with you. We got it."

"You've been so good for three years." "And this is my reward."

"Okay, so this time I won't quit."

[Lisping] "We love Steve. Steve was sexy." [Normal voice] "Sorry."

"They're like coyotes picking off the weak members of the herd."

"Listen, as someone who's seen more than her share of bad beef..."

"Let it go, Ross." "Yeah? Well, you didn't know Chi-Chi."

[Thunder crashes when Monica asks Chandler to promise to be good]

"You can come in, but your filter tip little buddy has to stay outside."

"Now I have $1000 and a football phone."

[Lisping] "I've heard so much about all you guys."

"Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do this. Can't do it. We loved him."

"Yes, yes. Like the man in the shoe." "What shoe?" "From the nursery rhyme."

"So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured."

"I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhoff impression alone."

"We won!" "Fantastic. I have one question: How is that possible?"

"He was like that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions. But instead of Bugs, it was first base, Alan. second base, Alan..."

"We sure showed those Hasidic jewelers a thing or two about softball."

"Do you ever think that Alan is maybe sometimes-- What?" "I don't know. A little too Alan?"

"Oh, no. That's not possible. You can never be too Alan."

"Yeah, it's his innate Alan-ness that we adore."

"I, personally, could have a gallon of Alan."

"Did you pick out the vowels?" "Yes, but I left in the Y's. Because, you know, 'Sometimes Y.'"

"Do you want my tinfoil hat?" "No, because you need that."

"I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitchhiker."

"Maybe it's a contest, you know? Like 'Collect all five.'"

"So I have a flaw. Big deal. Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying?"

"And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word."

"And Monica, with that snort when she laughs. I mean, what the hell is that thing?"

"Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody, or just him?"

"Well, is it, like, a little annoying? Or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?"

"Now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, all right? I think it's endearing."

[Monica demonstrates her snort-laugh]

"You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly." "Indeed there isn't."

"Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered."

"Oh. The hair comes out and the gloves come off."

"We talking about the coyotes here?" "All right. A cow got through."

"Honey, you should always feel the thing."

"No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about."

"The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it."

"If I had a sock on my hand for 30 years, it'd be talking too."

"Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?"

"Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."

"You know, those stupid soda people gave me $7000 for the thumb."

"And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. What is up with the universe?"

"It's even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear."

"I'm getting a déjà vu." "No, I'm not."

"All right, we have to talk." "There it is."

"We didn't change."

"I wanted him to meet my family."

"I just can't stand your friends."

"Yeah. He could row like a Viking."

"He says he's really gonna miss you guys."

"If you never smoke again, I'll give you $7000."

"Yeah, all right."