The One with the Sonogram at the End

Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. / Yeah, I think, for us... kissing is pretty much like an opening act. I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through... before Pink Floyd comes out.

See, the problem is, though... after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was... you girls are always looking for the comedian again.

Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise, you're gonna find yourself... sitting at home listening to that album alone.

Are we still talking about sex?

He's out banging other women over the head with a club... while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet.

Okay, they have issues like: 'Gee, that glacier's getting kind of close.' See?

How about I'll catch up with you in the Ice Age?

...stands erect...

A lesbian? Well... You never know.

Oh. Looks like she didn't leave in such a hurry after all.

I think this is the episode of Three's Company... where's there's some kind of misunderstanding. / Then I've already seen this one.

Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.

See, I wrote a note to myself, then I didn't need it. So I balled it up and now I wish I was dead.

Yes, we know how cruel a parent can be... about the flatness of a child's pillow.

I mean, you're, like, all chaotic and twirly, you know? Not in a good way.

You see, he's the prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.

Ew, ew, ew. / What? / Ugly Naked Guy got a ThighMaster.

Hi, Barry, remember me? I'm the girl... that stomped on your heart in front of your entire family

When did you have it on last? / Doy. Probably right before she lost it.

You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days.

Oh, but look how straight those noodles are.

Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagna.

Oh, I found it.

Kind of puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?

She is so great. I miss her.

I mean, presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.

Well, this is still ruined, right?

What's that curry taste? / Curry.

No, Mom. I don't have a restaurant. I work in a restaurant. / Well, they don't have to know that.

Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar.

Even when you were a kid, and you were chubby... and you had no friends, you were just fine. You'd read alone in your room. And your puzzles...

And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God... our little Harmonica doesn't seem to have that problem.

[Long awkward silence after Ross reveals Carol's pregnancy and lesbian relationship]

You're a twin? / Oh, yeah. We don't speak. / She's like this high-powered, driven, career-type. / What does she do? / She's a waitress.

Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend... who my parents actually preferred.

Well, you may want to steer clear of the word 'dumped.'

Or, you know, hey, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring. And you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB-GYN.

Quack, quack... quack, quack, quack. / Ross? / That opens my cervix.

I dumped him. / Okay.

As in 'Mouse'? / As in my grandmother. / Still, you say 'Minnie,' you hear 'Mouse.'

Oh, no. You went on our honeymoon alone? / No. / I went with Mindy.

You got plugs. / Careful, careful. They haven't quite taken yet.

But you hate sticking your finger in your eye. / Not for her.

Helen Geller? / I don't think so. / Hello, it's not gonna be Helen Geller.

That's funny. Really? I don't remember you making any sperm.

And we all know what a challenge that is.

I don't know, but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.

You know, if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes... it kind of looks like an old potato.

I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose.

Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.