The One With The Blackout

Phoebe:when you suddenly realize what life is really all about

Chandler:...

Rachel:Oh my God, what if I meet someone during the blackout?

Monica:Rachel, it's a blackout, not a singles event.

Rachel:I know, but what if there's eligible looters out there?

Monica:I don't know my own phone number.

Monica:I've never called myself.

Chandler:Oh my God. Oh my God! That's... that's Janice Litman! I mean, no, wait—that's the supermodel! From the... from the thing! The thing in the magazine!

Chandler:Wait, is this a vestibule or an atrium? Because I've been saying vestibule, but what if it's actually an atrium? She probably knows. Models know about architecture, right? Or do they? Why am I thinking about this right now?

Chandler:Focus, Chandler. She's right there. Just be cool. Don't say anything stupid. Although, technically, is this space a vestibule or an atrium? Because Joey said it was a vestibule, but Monica thought—no, no, focus on the supermodel!

Chandler:Could you just... I mean, would you mind if I... look, I'm trapped here with you, and you're gorgeous, and I'm trying to focus, but you keep using words like 'buttress' and 'corbel'...

Chandler:Wait, no, that's not what I meant. Could we maybe talk about something else? Anything? Like... load-bearing walls? No, that's still architecture. My brain is a terrible, terrible place.

Chandler:I am some guy

Joey:I'm Rabbi Tribbiani.

Chandler:Oh my God, look at all those candles in Ugly Naked Guy's apartment!

Monica:That's a fire hazard.

Joey:Yeah, that had to hurt.

Chandler:So... nice weather we're having.

Jill:Yeah.

Chandler:*smiles widely*

Jill:*looks away nervously*

Chandler:You know what? I'm just gonna keep smiling. Women love that, right?

Jill:Actually, no. You're scaring me.

Chandler:*smile gets bigger* See? It's working!

Chandler:If you ever need anything, just call me. I'll come running.

Jill:That's so sweet. You know, I had 300 romantic options in high school.

Chandler:Really? Well, I had a peanut allergy and severe anxiety.

Chandler:Monica, Monica! I have the most amazing news!

Monica:What? What is it?

Chandler:Mmph mrph mrmph mrmph!

Monica:I'm sorry, what?

Chandler:Mmph mrph mrmph mrmph mrmph!

Monica:Chandler, I can't understand you!

Joey:Oh, oh! I got it. He said he's getting married!

Monica:Wait, what?!

Chandler:Yes! I'm proposing to Monica!

Monica:So there I was, on this pool table...

Joey:That's my sister!

Joey:So I did it in a movie theater.

Rachel:Oh my God!

Joey:Yeah, it was crazy.

Rachel:Phoebe, where's the weirdest place you've ever done it?

Phoebe:Milwaukee.

Ross:So there was this broken ride, right? And I may have... gotten a little too close to it.

Ross:And when security started looking for me, I may have hidden behind the mechanical Dutch children in It's a Small World.

Ross:Which is why I'm permanently banned from Disney.

Rachel:The weirdest place? The foot of the bed.

Monica:The foot of the bed?

Chandler:That's not weird, that's where feet go.

Chandler:And you didn't marry him because...?

Chandler:You know, in a long-term relationship, passion fades and gets replaced by other things.

Chandler:Like, in my case, my ex-wife became a lesbian.

Rachel:You know, Ross, you're really... you're really something special.

Ross:Ah. It's never gonna happen.

Chandler:You're in the friend zone, Ross. You need to make a move.

Ross:I'm laying groundwork. It's all part of my strategy.

Chandler:You're not laying groundwork. You're the mayor of the Zone.

Ross:That's not fair.

Chandler:Not only are you the mayor, you're the governor. You're the whole government. Pretty soon you'll be taking a vow of celibacy and joining the priesthood.

Chandler:The candles are lit, the wine is chilled, there's moonlight streaming through the window...

Chandler:Ross, when is it ever going to be more perfect than this?

Ross:I know, I know, you're right.

Chandler:So what are you waiting for?

Ross:I don't know. What if she says no? What if the moment passes? What if—

Chandler:What if? Ross, there is no 'what if.' This IS the moment. It doesn't get better than this. The candles, the wine, the moonlight... you think this happens every night?

Ross:I need to tell you all something. I've been wanting to say this for a long time, and I just... I can't keep it inside anymore. Monica, Phoebe, Joey, what I'm about to tell you is—

Monica:Shh! Shh!

Phoebe:Shhhhh!

Joey:Dude, be quiet!

Ross:What? What's wrong?

Monica:The game is on! Central Perk is about to announce the winner!

Jill:Do you want some gum?

Chandler:No thanks, I can't. Do you know how much sugar is in gum? It's like chewing a liquefied candy bar.

Chandler:Why did I say that? She was being nice. I should have just taken the gum. Now she thinks I'm weird.

Chandler:Gum. It's just gum. It's not like she offered me a mangled animal carcass to chew on.

Chandler:I can't believe I rejected the gum. What was I thinking?

Chandler:At this point, I'd take anything from Jill. A piece of gum? Sure. A wrapper? Why not. A mangled animal carcass? Hand it over.

Phoebe:There was a blackout in New York City. This song's about how when we all work together, we can get through the worst of times. I stay away from dairy.

Monica:Wait, so you told Rachel about Ross's party before me?

Joey:I didn't mean to! It just came out!

Rachel:And now I know about it, which means I'm ahead of Monica in the information chain.

Monica:This is so typical. I'm always the last to know everything.

Rachel:Actually, wait. I just realized I didn't even know I had a crush on Joey until Chandler told me last week.

Joey:You have a crush on me?

Monica:So now you're second to last, and I'm third?

Rachel:No, you're second to last. I'm last on knowing about my own feelings.

Ross:Monica, there's something I need to tell you. I've been wanting to say this for a long time and—

Monica:Oh my God, Ross, wait! Have you seen Mr. Whiskers? He got out of the apartment and I've been looking everywhere for him!

Ross:What? No, I haven't seen— Monica, I really need to—

Monica:This is a disaster! He's microchipped and he's up to date on his shots, but what if he's scared? What if he's in the rain? Oh God, we need to check the fire escape, and the basement, and—

Monica:Oh my God, a kitten! Everyone, look!

Chandler:Aw, it's so scared. Here little guy, it's okay.

Phoebe:Oh, we should sing to it. That'll make it feel better.

Rachel:Um, Phoebe, I don't think that's—

Phoebe:♪ Little kitten, don't you fear... ♪

Monica:♪ We are here, we are here... ♪

All:♪ Little kitten, we will care for you... ♪

Monica:Oh no, what happened to you, sweetie? Don't worry, I'll fix you right up.

Monica:There we go, a little of this hot wax and you'll be good as new.

Chandler:Monica, that's wax. You're waxing the cat.

Monica:What? No, I'm not— Oh my God!

Monica:We should try to find the owner.

Chandler:Or we could just leave it in the hall and let it get trampled.

Monica:Yeah?

Chandler:I said 'perfection'? What was I thinking? 'Perfection'? That's not... I mean, who says that? That's not a word you use in a real conversation. I should have said 'nice' or 'great' or literally anything else. But no, I went with 'perfection' like some kind of idiot. I'm an idiot. A complete and total idiot.

Monica:So you're saying this is your kitten?

Neighbor:That's right. We've had her for months.

Rachel:Then what's her name?

Neighbor:Uh... Fluffy.

Monica:You're lying. Watch this.

Rachel:Come here, sweetie!

Monica:She only responds to us. She doesn't know you at all.

Rachel:You're trying to steal our kitten! That's so messed up!

Joey:So where's Paolo from?

Monica:Italy.

Joey:Italy? No, I mean... tonight. Where's he coming tonight?

Chandler:That is funny. And Rachel keeps touching him.

Monica:I know!

Chandler:Watch this.

Chandler:*chokes and gags*

Jill:Are you okay?

Chandler:*continues choking*

Jill:That was perfection.

Chandler:Yeah... yeah, it was.

Chandler:Okay, Rachel, I don't know what you're doing here. You're not like this.

Rachel:I know, I just... I want to bite his lip.

Phoebe:Yeah, three seconds with Paolo and you're like weeks with Barry.

Ross:P-Paolo, I... I think you should know that Rachel and I, we haven't... I mean, we haven't...

Paolo:Haven't what?

Ross:We haven't been together. That way. And I would be... I would be very sad if you hurt her.

Paolo:Very sad?

Ross:Yes. Very sad.

Ross:You know what? You're a crap-weasel!

Chandler:Okay, I'm ready. Start the countdown.

Monica:Five... four... three... two... one...

Chandler:Wait, what happens at zero?

Monica:That's when we kiss, you idiot!

Chandler:Oh! Okay, start again. I wasn't ready.

Monica:Five... four... three... two... one... zero...

Chandler:Now?

Monica:Yes, NOW!

Chandler:Okay, okay. Let's do this. Start the countdown again.

Monica:Five... four... three... two... one... zero... negative one... negative two...

Chandler:Monica, what are you doing?

Monica:I don't know! I got confused!

Ross:Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

Monica:Ross! My party!

Jill:I had a great blackout.

Chandler:Yeah, me too.

Chandler:Could I get a copy of that tape?