The One Where Estelle Dies

Chandler:Paris? That's like a really long commute.

Chandler:Yeah, well my boss said I could have a desk by the window... if I get here by 6 AM.

Joey:Wait, wait, wait. Paris? You're moving to Paris? But... but you can't just leave! What about... what about us? What am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna... Oh my God, I can't believe... Congratulations, Phoebe!

Monica:Chandler, you said you'd be there for me!

Chandler:I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm not great at the whole 'being there' thing. Could I *be* any less supportive?

Joey:Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't just hug me like that!

Rachel:What? Why not?

Joey:There are rules! You need to fill out form 27-B, get it notarized, and submit it to the Department of Hug Affairs. It's a whole thing. Very patriotic.

Rachel:Joey, that's not real.

Joey:Not real? Rachel, hugs are serious business. I have a three-hug limit per week, and you've already used two on Chandler.

Joey:Wait, you're going to France? No, no, no. I can't be around you anymore.

Rachel:What? Joey, it's just a trip!

Joey:Just a trip? You're going to become French! I can see it happening already. Pretty soon you'll be wearing a beret, eating snails, and not shaving your armpits.

Rachel:That's not—

Joey:Don't touch me with those arms! Those are French arms now! They've probably already been to Paris!

Ross:Oh. Yeah. I'm fine.

Chandler:Oh yeah, that's a great idea. Why don't I just wish upon a star while I'm at it? I could also throw a coin in a fountain and ask a genie for three wishes. We could make it really magical.

Monica:How well do you know Rachel's boss?

Ross:I've met him like twice.

Monica:And you don't even know his name?

Ross:I know his name! It's... it's Mr... Mr. Geller.

Chandler:We shouldn't look at another house. Every time we do, we get our hopes up, and then something goes wrong.

Chandler:I mean, we're not smart enough to keep looking at houses.

Monica:So what do you think? Should we look at that place in Brooklyn?

Phoebe:Monica, that shirt makes you look like a sad clown at a funeral.

Phoebe:Oh no! Estelle died! It says here she was a pioneering aviator who made the first solo nonstop transatlantic flight in 1927.

Monica:Phoebe, that's Charles Lindbergh.

Phoebe:Well, no wonder Estelle never talked about her flying career!

Monica:Yeah, and you've also won a Golden Globe, starred in three hit movies, and once saved a small country from complete economic collapse.

Monica:Joey, you might see Estelle's obituary in the newspaper.

Joey:An obituary? What's that?

Monica:It's when someone dies and they write about them in the paper.

Joey:Oh. Well, I don't read the newspaper.

Monica:Yeah, the only thing you read is the picture on the Peanuts lunch box.

Ross:We met at your Christmas party.

Rachel's Boss:Oh right, Randy!

Ross:It's Ross.

Rachel's Boss:Right, right, Ross.

Ross:Actually, I've gotten used to Randy.

Ross:Rachel was completely irreplaceable at her job. I mean, no one could do what she did.

Boss:Really? What exactly did she do?

Ross:You know... that thing. With the... I have no idea what she did, I was just guessing.

Boss:There's nothing I can do to rehire you.

Rachel:Nothing? Really?

Boss:Well, actually, there's plenty I could do. I just don't want to.

Ross:Is that your son?

Boss:Yeah, that's my boy Ross.

Ross:Your son's name is Ross?

Boss:That's right.

Ross:Huh.

Ross:Wait, my name is Ross, not... whatever you've been calling me.

Boss:Oh! Well that explains everything. I've been calling you 'Ralph' this whole time because you remind me of this guy I knew in college.

Ross:I know how that sounded.

Ross:So you'll come to the museum? We can go together, just the two of us. I'll show you my... bones. I mean, I'll let you touch my bones. The fossilized ones! I work with fossils!

Boss:I'm worried my son is becoming a nerd. He spends all his time reading books and watching documentaries.

Ross:Oh, that's nothing to worry about. Reading books and documentaries? Those are perfectly normal interests. There's nothing nerdy about that at all.

Phoebe:Well, you know what my grandmother used to say? 'Never call a woman before the moon hits the East, or your hair will turn into soup.'

Phoebe:You know, when you think about it, the real treasure is the friends we make along the way to find the treasure.

Joey:Wow, that's... that's actually really profound.

Joey:I was just going to call Estelle.

Joey:And then she calls? What are the odds of that happening?

Joey:I haven't gotten a single audition in three weeks!

Phoebe as Estelle:Whoopsie.

Joey:Why would you do that?

Phoebe:Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you said you wanted me to tell you about the newspaper I found in the trash!

Phoebe:Yeah, it's been a rough week for Estelle. First she dies, then she gets fired.

Ross:You're pushing dinosaurs on her?

Rachel:I'm not pushing dinosaurs on her!

Ross:She can't sleep without a dinosaur! A dinosaur, Rachel!

Rachel:I can't believe Ralph Lauren called me back! They must be desperate without me!

Ross:Actually, I called them and told them you were the best candidate they'd ever see.

Rachel:You did what?!

Ross:Wait, wait, wait. So you're just gonna throw away this job offer?

Rachel:It's not throwing it away. Louis Vuitton is amazing, but Paris is...

Ross:Paris?! Rachel, I love you. I can't let you leave.

Rachel:What?

Ross:I'm in love with you. I have been for a really long time. And I know it's probably too little too late, and there's probably no chance, but I had to tell you.

Rachel:Ross... I...

Ross:No, no, no. You don't have to say anything. I just... I had to tell you the truth.

Monica:Looking at another house feels like cheating.

Chandler:Well, if it helps, I'm feeling very guilty and I have no idea why.

Monica:This house is terrible.

Real Estate Agent:So, do you love it?

Monica:I love it!

Monica:(dramatic gasp and physical reaction)

Joey:Firing won't kill her.

Phoebe:No, the chewing gum did.

Joey:Yeah, she's got this other client who eats paper.

Phoebe:Because if you don't wait for the call, the call waits for you.

Phoebe:You know, Joey, the universe has a way of working things out. If you're meant to get that apartment, the universe will provide.

Joey:Wow, that's... that's really profound, Phoebe. You know what? You're right. I'm just gonna stop worrying about it.

Phoebe:Exactly. Just go with the flow of the cosmic energy.

Joey:The cosmic energy. Yeah. That makes so much sense.

Phoebe:And that means never having to give a reason.

Chandler:Of all the apartments in all the cities in all the world, she walks into mine.

Chandler:You know, if I ever meet Jennifer Aniston, I'm not gonna waste it like this.

Janice:Oh, Chandler and I have such a special connection. He calls me his little love muffin, and I call him my snookums! Nyeah!

Janice:Why are you buying next door?

Chandler:I... we just thought it would be nice to have more space. You know, for the baby.

Monica:Maybe another couple will get the house instead of Janice

Chandler:Yeah, well, the only people worse neighbors than Janice would be literal Nazis

Chandler:Whoa, whoa, whoa! Both houses? Monica, did you hit your head? Or did you finally figure out where you've been hiding all that money? Because from where I'm sitting, we're not exactly rolling in it. I mean, what, did you rob a bank? Did you sell a kidney? Did you finally monetize that thing you do with your eyebrows?

Chandler:I'm picturing it now... a beautiful country morning, birds chirping, leaves rustling...

Janice:OH. MY. GOD!

Chandler:And there it is.

Monica:We should eliminate surprise Janice encounters.

Monica:Whenever Chandler sees her, he practically jumps out of his skin. His eyes get all wide, he starts sweating...

Chandler:Oh. My. God.

Ross:Look, I know you're upset about being fired, but what if I could make it worth your while? I have something special here.

Ross:This is a genuine replica Rolex. It's worth at least... well, let's just say a lot of money.

Employee:That's a fake.

Ross:No, no, no. It's a replica. There's a difference. See, replicas are made to look exactly like the real thing, which makes them very valuable to collectors.

Employee:Ross, the price tag is still on it. It says 'Made in Taiwan, $12.'

Boss:This egg will make you popular.

Ross:Romantically popular? Because I should tell you, my track record suggests otherwise.

Phoebe as Estelle:I won't drop by unannounced anymore.

Joey:Wait, what? You're not gonna drop by? But you're dead!

Joey:How are you gonna drop by if you're dead?

Phoebe as Estelle:I'll try my best.

Joey:No, no, no! You gotta drop by! You're my agent!

Joey:She's dead.

Janice:We're making an offer on the house!

Chandler:That's great! But we should probably outbid the Hitlers.

Chandler:Oh, I'm so happy Janice is our neighbor now.

Chandler:In fact, I've been thinking... maybe we should give our relationship another chance.

Chandler:Janice, I have something very important to tell you. You are the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most talented woman I have ever met.

Janice:Oh Chandler!

Chandler:I love you, Janice Litman Gorelick Hosenstein!

Chandler:No, no, no, Janice is right. We shouldn't buy the house. It's too expensive, it's too big, we don't need it.

Janice:See? I told you!

Chandler:Yeah, but... I mean, if we really think about it, the market is only going to go up. And it does have that great backyard, and the schools in this neighborhood are excellent for when we... you know... eventually...

Janice:Chandler!

Chandler:But you're right, you're absolutely right. We shouldn't do it. Absolutely not. Unless you change your mind. Which would be fine. Either way, I'm happy. Mostly happy. Fine.

Chandler:Okay, just go with me on this. I'm going to pretend to seduce you so Ross thinks I'm over you.

Janice:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm in.

Chandler:Alright, here we go...

Janice:Oh Chandler, you're so irresistible!

Chandler:I know, I know. Now we have to make this look real...

Janice:What do you mean?

Chandler:I mean... we have to kiss.

Janice:Nasal laugh! Oh, Chandler!

Chandler:I'm sorry, but every time I kiss you, I just keep seeing your face!

Rachel:Oh my God, you guys! Ralph Lauren just offered me this amazing job in Paris!

Monica:Paris? That's incredible!

Rachel:I know! And Russ said I should totally take it.

Ross:It's Ross.

Rachel:That's what I said, Russ.

Rachel:I don't know what to do. Paris is this amazing opportunity, but...

Ross:You should go. You should absolutely go to Paris and follow your dreams.

Joey:Wait, wait. You're not expecting me to perform, are you? Because I didn't prepare anything.

Al:Of course you have to perform. You're her client.

Joey:But I don't have any material!

Paper-eating guy:That's okay, I'll go first.

Joey:Oh wow, Al, that was... that was really something. You know, I gotta say, I've seen a lot of acts in my time, but eating paper? That takes real talent. Real commitment.

Joey:You know what? I think Al would've loved this. A real show. A real performance. That's what he was all about.