The One with Rachel's Going Away Party

All right, Joe, you remember the rules. Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.

Just flip. - Tails! - Damn it!

And after I took a shower this morning, I just threw my towel on the floor.

Oh, God, it hurts to even joke about it.

...and that's the sandwich I made for the plane.

Oh, my God. I have nothing left to teach you.

At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport?

...but your hand's kind of blocking the part where the baby's gonna come out.

That's because I'm pregnant.

I'm just always afraid that people think I'm just fat with big breasts.

Okay, well, stop staring at them. - She brought them up.

Plus, hotels are fun! My room has this little fridge full of free snacks.

Erica, those things aren't free. In fact, they have one of the highest markups of any consumer product--

Ross, she's giving us her baby. She can eat you if she wants.

Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?

Hmm. Packing. Sexy cheerleader comedy. Hmm. Helpful brother. Creepy loner at teen movie.

Try it. I can't feel a thing.

This is packing? - We're taking a break. From? Jumping on the bed.

Let's put Styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him!

Joey, you pack them, and Ross, you repack whatever Joey packs.

Hey, handcuffs. And fur-lined. Nice.

Chandler, you don't have a sister, so you can't understand...how much this bums me out.

Maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard.

Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky.

I once did a naked dance for her with scarves.

Bumming hard, guys. Bumming hard.

It's kind of like being married to a rock star, you know? My husband has a gig.

Rock on!

Smoked oyster casserole with a breakfast-cereal crust.

Kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.

It feels like when Melrose Place got canceled.

I mean... Ah, forget it, I miss Melrose Place.

Who loses 57 coin tosses in a row? You know?

Heads, she wins. Tails, I lose.

Wait a minute. - Yes, Joe? - I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning.

You know, in six months, the statute of limitations runs out...and I can travel internationally again.

If I had to guess, I'd say...Rachel's putting on the bubble wrap, and Phoebe's doing the punching.

Well, it's a cotton swab...with a bit of my saliva on it...so that if they perfect the cloning process while you're over there...you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs.

I'm gonna throw this away...but thank you so much for the gesture.

Oh, yes, I decided to leave those out for you in case Richard stops by...and you want to engage in a little light bondage and mustache play.

Good luck getting another scarf dance from me.

That would be a terrible punishment.

Rachel. With handcuffs. Interesting.

Joey's bare ass.

Well played.

Please don't turn into, you know, a French bitch.

Are you wearing waterproof mascara? - No. Oh, you're so screwed.

Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations.

What? [STAMMERING] --See you every day!

Oh, no, she took down Monica. And I'm the crier in the family.

Maybe she won't talk to me if it looks like we're in conversation. - Okay. - That thing you said about the thing...it really made me think about that other thing.

I really made you think about that thing, huh?

Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get.

I think you're forgetting the kinkiest former resident of that room.

These are not mine. Look how flimsy they are. Come on. My God, you try to hang a guy from a water pipe with these...they'll snap like a piece of licorice.

You don't really handcuff guys to water pipes do you?

Where do you think Mike really is?

[IMITATES FARTING] - I'm sorry, give me one more chance. - Okay. [IMITATES FARTING] - Oh! - I'm sorry. Just go. Just go. I can't. I can't.

You cried yesterday at the 6:00 news. That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic.

But, God, Joey seems to be handling it surprisingly well. ALL: No!

Lucky bastard.

Well, it needs to be 'plicit.'

The hell I do!

Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What do I gotta do to get a goodbye? Huh? Be best friends with you? Go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute! I did all those things!

Or maybe I'm just not giving you enough credit. Uh, I mean, it is difficult to say goodbye to five people. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, g-- It's physically impossible!

I thought I was going home to bed...but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here.

You couldn't be cool.

Good. I need you to be careful...and efficient. And remember, if I'm harsh with you...it is only because you're doing it wrong.

Who's that dirty old lady? Monica's grandmother. Oh, my God. Nana liked it rough!

I keep getting these stomachaches. They come and go every few minutes.

She doesn't have a stomachache! She's in labor!

If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger.

I cannot believe that after 10 years you do not know one thing about me!

It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right? There's your goodbye!

Doesn't work.