The One with Ross's Tan

Hey, Chandler, why do you think they call it foosball?

Know what I like about you, Joe? You're curious.

What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?

It's okay.

You have to appreciate their uniqueness. Really? No, I do six things.

You mean like this?

No, not like that. No, no. No, like this:

I see what you mean. That's quite nice.

Hey, stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no. Stop staring at your sister's legs.

Did I say spray-on tan places? I meant surf contest. Which she won.

Chandler gets pedicures!

What? You do? Like, with the toe separators?

Why? Why?

Sure, then you should get a miniskirt so you can really show it off.

So do you get colors or just French tips?

Hey, I know where this place is. It used to be an X-rated video-- Florist.

Monica, darling, it's Amanda calling.

Are you trying to do a British accent?

Chandler gets pedicures.

Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect?

Oh, so sorry to catch you on your mobile. If you didn't wanna get me on my mobile, then don't call me on my mobile.

I slept with Billy Joel. All right, who hasn't?

Have you ever done that? No. Had it done to me, though. Feels good.

Puerto Rican. Two. I think a two.

Well, I have a Ph.D., so....

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three-- Wait, wait! I'm not-- I'm not finished counting!

Mississippi? I said count to five. Mississippi-less-ly?

I'm a four? Yeah, but your back's a zero. You'll wanna even that out.

Wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall. How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello?

My eyes!

The same thing happened again! You got two more twos? I'm an eight!

Guess we won't be going back there.

Hey, what do you say we move this onto the likes of the couch?

I say cheesy line, but okay.

I don't get it. Chandler loved it.

Was that good for you?

I was just kidding about Rachel. Babysitting's a gas.

You're from Yonkers! Your last name is Buffamonteezi!

Okay, don't hold thy breath.

Well, in America, you're just an ass.

I get pedicures.

Fine. Fine. You would not hold up well under torture.

Oh, and you would? I did.

Nine? What kind of 9-year-old girl wears a bra? No, no. I was 9. See, she was 16.

I can't talk and work at the same time!

Sorry.

I could do it with one hand. I could do it with my eyes closed. Once I just looked at one...and it popped open.

It's a standard-issue bra clasp.

Then I blame you. Yeah. That's right. You threw me off with all your slapping.

No, I don't have another level.

Was that place the sun?

Oh, my God, you can do a duet of 'Ebony and Ivory' all by yourself.

How do you count to five? One, two, three-- Damn it!

What is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic?

Really? One time he just looked at my bra and it popped open.

You don't know.

What do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident? Are you kidding? I love it!

Touch my abs. I don't exercise at all.

Oh, smell my neck. It's not perfume. It's me. It's my natural scent.

Musty.

Well, it was 1992. And I remember, because that was the year I had sex with Evel Knievel.

Nope.

Oh, sure. Now. Yeah.

Okay, you're scaring me a little bit.

Yeah, baby! I'll show you how we do it!

You kneed me in my misters!

Soldier down.

I had a very bad car accident.

My flat is twice this size.

You know, they asked me to be one of the Spice Girls.

You look positively ghastly.

Well, aren't you a treat.

I am scrappy.

That's because I'm scrappy.

Can you believe it? I've never had any professional dance training.

Does it look like this is my first time?

Now, I want four two's, and I want them all on my back.

Wait. There's two sets of nozzles! Which one is it? Which one is it?

Oh, son of a bitch!

How did we do? I'm a twelve.

That fake British woman's a real bitch, but she sure can dance.

If felt like, 'I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time.'

I can tell from your expressions that's the good news you were hoping for.

If not, we'll just be a couple that never has sex. That's a plan.

I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.

Yeah. I'm not going anywhere for a while.

I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. Let me in.

Really? Did you count Mississippi-ly?

You're not tan. No. I just had to get a picture of this. I'll see you later.