The One with the Home Study

I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell.

I'm responsible for just like half of that

Maybe you do that next time you get married

No, no, no, the next time's going to be Hawaii at sunset.

But maybe the time after that

"We"?

You can't have it both ways!

It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity

"Little people"? "Celebrity"!

I don't and I'm offended by the insinuation

Okay, so there's not a magazine under the couch or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank. or a filthy video in the VCR

I admit to the cigarettes and the magazine but that tape is not mine

I guess we'll never know whose it is

Well, I think you're going to appreciate the crap out of this one

Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay

Not necessary - Buffay is spelled B-u-f-f-a-y

And X is spelled Mike Hannigan

Oh, look, we get this free T-shirt. Uh, actually that's the shirt I wore to the gym

Um, it's moist

There was one! She's it! All the rest look like they should live under a bridge!

Like I said, I was thinking of taking Emma to the museum of knives and fire.

And it was uneven for weeks

And you made it 'through' that?

I wonder who's going to play you in the movie.

And I was thinking Claire Danes

Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour, okay? and there's this moment when you're at the top, you just don't know if you're going to return back to earth!

Space 'is' filled with orbiting children

Oh, yeah. That's the same, I'm sure there are 30 different species of poisonous swings

Hello, is this the creepy residence?

I told you I am not coming to a naked wedding!

well, radiant!

You know, I was just there for jury duty. They've really spruced that place up

That's way more important than some stupid kids

That's sweet, honey but save something for the adoption lady

Rach, she's got like three hairs - I know, I know but they're just so beautiful

Oh my God, I just pulled one out

We're seriously asking for the money back?

Alright, now. Is this guy gay or straight? Cause one of us's going to have to start flirting

Gay, go!

Oh my God! I love your shirt

This feels really good

We've really been spoiling the children with all the food and warm clothing

And I, and I spent my sweet 16 being chased around a tire yard by an...escaped mental patient, who, in his own words,'wanted to kill me' or whatever.

She could've been talking about either one of us

We love kids Love'em to death Well, not actually to death. That's just a figure of speech

We love kids the appropriate amount As allowed by law

Because we should get a baby before them! That guy tried to sell me drugs!

But other than that, wholesome, wholesome building

Rat Bastard!

Oh, God, no! No, no, no, no. No! Nope...... No, no, no, no....

Hello Anybody in there ordered a celebrity?

Oh, that's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here He's great with kids though

Oh, relax! I didn't say the F word.

I know what this is all about. You've always been jealous of my hair

If you hold the spider. What? Where? Where? "IF" you hold a spider.

A.....doption!

Keep on roaming, Bert! We don't want any crazy today!

Oh, yeah. He has a caretaker, his older brother. Ernie

Bert and Ernie? You can't make this stuff up!

Oh, it ended okay. One of my friends shot him

And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really~ long time.

Oh, by the way, you're more than welcome to look under any of the furniture because, believe me, you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there.

We don't have a code word! We don't? We really should

From now on, Bert will be our code word for danger.

Some people don't get him but I think he's really funny.

I forgot my bat.

And we don't want to buy your bat!

Bert, Bert, Bert.

Oh, yeah. Probably you don't even remember my name! It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours because I totally remember it Lady

No, don't try to turn this around on me, okay? I am not some kind of....social work, okay? that you can just....do

You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you?

Joey, wait! No! I waited a long time. I can't wait any more

Boy, you people are nice and I've got to say I think you're going to make excellent parents

Are you here to take more money? Because I think what you're looking for is an ATM

On behalf of the children of New York, I reject your money

And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian. Oh, is that you? No

Have you seen Joey's bat?

I got a spider There were two. I picked the bigger one

You know what? I'm actually getting used to this little guy I don't really even feel him in here any more That's because it's on your neck

Ross!