The One with the Late Thanksgiving

Don't you put words in people's mouths. You put turkey in people's mouths.

This is Emma's first Thanksgiving. - No, it's not. - It's not? When was she born?

What? You are way off, lady. - Am I? Really? Am I?

That's my favorite kind. Okay, we are doing this.

Stay out of this, Chandler. This is between me and me.

Did you not watch the Dr. Phil I taped for you?

Oh, yeah. Happy Meatless Turkey-Murder Day.

Two minutes, twelve pies and a part of one tin.

This dinner is gonna be so great. In your face, last-year me.

Well, let's see, uh, I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer... and then she has to make a very big poop.

Oh, my God. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard.

And compared to Emma, she's a real dog.

Agh. Phoebe, all babies are beautiful. - Oh, okay.

And a thousand dollars. ...is something I'm very interested in.

He still believes that what's on the inside is important.

Take the clothes off Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid!

Did someone drop the baton again? Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?

I don't get older, I just get better.

Next year, it's gonna be you, me and little Hemingway Bing.

What? He's my favorite author. - Name one of his books. The Firm?

Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Dr. Phil tells you to do.

I'm serious, let me do something. Just not the turkey. Nothing high-profile.

It's easy to make, and no one really cares about it.

Not with soap!

You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes.

Three tickets to today's Rangers game! - Dude, I wanted him to guess.

Guess where they are. - Center ice. Did I do something to you?

Dude, two times that happened!

Or should I say 'Chan-berries'?

That's some gentle comedy, dude.

I've been watching this guy over there. I don't think he came with a kid.

I just saw a 1-year-old run around with pantyhose on.

Oh, I know. We should've been more prepared.

My God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms. Hello, Michelin Man.

Rachel, the hottest babies in the tri-state area are in this room right now.

All right, let's give these babies something to cry about.

No, I'm not letting you put makeup on my baby. - Why not? - Because I already did.

Oh! You bum! Get off the ice! - You suck! Get off the ice, you idiot!

But I gotta say, I am really enjoying nacho chair.

When I was here for 'Holidays on Ice'... I was sitting so far away, Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner.

They've ruined Cranberry Day.

We were at a spelling bee. And I won.

Yes. Y-E-S. Yes.

Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division? That's me. Heh.

She won a thousand dollars. - So this is an annual thing?

That's Alicia May Emory's outfit!

And, Rach, while you're in there, throw something on Alicia May.

We'll say that we were mugged. You can't get mad at someone who's been mugged.

Good. But you don't look like you were mugged. No. Here.

It looks like Joey has a giant hand.

Oh, they are in for a world of pain.

I got mugged, and they stole my pocket.

Or we could plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.

That would be a good way to get rid of all the PCP we have lying around.

I hate that thing. It's like a bolt of lightning.

Ha, ha! I win. - What is that? - That's fire. It beats everything.

Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon?

Well-played, Phoebe Buffay. Well-played.

When they're having sex on the couch, it's like: 'Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy!'

That's a lie! You went to the game. I can see Joey's hand.

For the love of God, take it off!

I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that.

How are we gonna decide who gets this? - Water balloon!

Oh, my God, it's Brussels sprouts! That's worse than no food.

Ha, ha! All you got was Monica's stinky Brussels sprouts. Stinky?

I don't wanna be with them either... but it's Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together together.

Ugh, enough! A monkey could've made them.

He's doing that weird eye-contact thing. Don't look at him. Don't look at him.

The floating heads do make a good point.

Pies. Oh, we thought you said 'prize.' Here.

It's a day to be thankful. - Don't make me come up there!

That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling. - Ew, is that what that is? - Sorry.

The three of us? - Yeah. You, Chan and the vein.

Uh-oh. I'm stuck. - Joey, that is not gonna work. - No, seriously. Unh. I'm really wedged in here.

It's a little late for that.

Can you ever feel your ears? Interesting.

Oh, I left them on my bulldozer.

I left them at the park.

I'm finding it really hard not to mess with him. I stuffed Brussels sprouts down his pants.

Now, when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The vein has spoken.

Stop putting things down my pants.

Look! Look! Look what the... Look what the floating heads did!

I don't care.

This Thanksgiving kicks last Thanksgiving's ass!

I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid. I know. Have you considered pageanting?

I went through the exact same thing with Alicia May Emory. The waiting, the wondering. Then one day, I get that call from Toys'R'Us. She was in stock.

That is the exact same thing.