The One with Russ

You might wanna consider wearing underwear next time. Because when you sat on your throne, you could kind of see your... royal subjects.

The only thing worse than the mindless adolescent direction... was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king.

Does anybody have one from a different paper?

In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiani was able to achieve brilliant new levels of... Continued on page 153... sucking.

When I was little, I wanted to be a veterinarian. But then I found out you have to put your hands into cows and stuff.

Stegosaurus fell over, trapped a kid.

All right, it still works.

Public display of affection coming up. You can avert your eyes.

Well, at least my cup is half full. Half full of love.

Cabin of love.

I got boned at the Museum of Natural History mug.

Whoa. Oh.

So I wake up and I'm in this Dumpster in Connecticut.

Or to a club, or to the... zoo.

Oh, well, too late, you already had some.

I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask.

Or 'Hey, come on, it's Flag Day.'

Oh. Why?

Ooh, ooh. Lorne Greene? No, Pheebs. You know why? Because he's dead.

Oh, no. Okay, I guess this is gonna seem bittersweet now...

Hey, yeah. We could all sleep together, and then one of us could get amnesia.

You have other friends?

[Extended awkward silence after Russ introduction]

It's just that with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left.

Joey. Have you ever seen me ecstatic? No. Well, here it is.

If I would have sent the little general in.

Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.

There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.

But apparently... there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.

Bye... ridiculously dull Bobby.

Not that bad? Did you not hear the hammer story?

Okay, okay, don't get all squinky.

He's probably always been dull. You just, you know... set it free.

Chat with your, uh... friend-type people.

Huh. Bob Saget?

She buttered a spider into her toast this morning.

Oh, you're, uh... Oh, you're the date.

You know, this is actually good... because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.

See? Now they're as different as night and... later that night.

Much like a... you know. Ahem.

I don't know what she sees in that goober.

It takes him, what? Like, I don't know, uh... hello, a week to get out a sentence?

Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?

I'm guessing you didn't get the part... or, uh, Italy called and said it was hungry?

Well, I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I needed to know.

You know, after having slept with her.

Throw in a tree and a fat guy, and you've got Christmas.

Didn't you used to call it the little major? Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.

I'm sorry. Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross?

Try mendelevium. And weenie number two has it.

Unless of course 9 Down, 'Nights in White Satin' was sung by the Doody Blues.

Steve, sleeve. Okay, no one is named sleeve.

For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark. You could not be more wrong. You could try, but you would not be successful.

You're jealous. Uh, of what? You're jealous because I'm a real doctor. Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in.

It's like, day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.

Ew. Ew, ew, ew.

Me. Why would I have to sleep with you? It's my game. You want the job or not?

That way, he's still sober, but I find his stories about shoelaces more amusing.

Ugh, God. Even his knock is boring.

What, these? No, these are, um, for cuts and scrapes.

Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.

Oh, I do. It's Bob Saget.