The One with Phoebe's Dad

You should see the size of his Christmas balls!

Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone cares. / We're broke, but cookies do say that.

A plate of brownies told me a limerick.

Not especially. But I think they had pot in them.

These are cookies smashed to the sports section.

Yeah, but not very well, unless 14 across, 'Gershwin musical'... actually is 'Bite me, bite me, bite me.'

Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.

Walks downstairs Alone or in pairs Everyone knows it's Just a big spring.

Go nuts.

Look at these authentic fake metals! Mom's gonna be voted 'best dressed'... at the make-believe military academy!

That's the guy that comes in the frame.

How have you never been on Oprah?

It's not a blue screen. It's just... Maybe it was just really clear that day.

But when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!

Just updating the phone book.

I smell smoke. Maybe because someone's pants are on fire!

Not impossible, but harder.

Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?

Who said anything about Christmas?

Don't you have to be Claymation to say that?

Monica, pigeons learn faster than you.

And you wear too much of that gel in your hair.

You know what? You shouldn't call yourself Information!

Hello, Grandma. If that is, in fact, your real name.

Upstate's pretty big. He's pretty small. You do the math.

But to me, he's still the irresponsible creep who locked up your mom and stole her Gremlin.

If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far.

Wish me luck, Grandpa.

Yeah, she brought the invisible cab. Hop in!

Brake, left. Gas, right? / That's my cheat sheet.

There isn't one. The paramedics had to cut through it.

Heat, heat, heat! And I'm the obsessive one?

That's right. I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.

Hey, it's Funny's cousin... Not Funny!

Yes, it's hot enough to bake cookies.

Here's a theme: 'Come on in, live like bacon!'

So that's what this is for!

An amount about the size of a pea. How can that be too much?

Hey! Get in line, buddy. I was next.

Is it hot? My body always stays cool. Probably because I have so much skin.

He's playing baseball. / You mean hardball? / Whatever.

Nice seizing... gel boy.

If it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss you. / No, it's still basil.

Mailbox. / All right, we're getting closer.

I've already lost a fake dad this week. I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.

That's fine, never mind.

Wiper blades! / I don't even have a car. / No, but with this new-car smell, you'll think you do!

Toilet-seat covers!

You got me a cola drink? / And a lemon-lime!

They're ribbed for your pleasure!