The One Where Ross Finds Out

What is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something repellent about me?

A woman literally passed through me

I've put on a little weight?

No, not weight. More like insulation

that might get in the way of my lying-around time

if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home

Ooh, can't make hands meet!

Just never seen you in little stretchy pants before

And we're changing

Five more and I'll flash you

One... two... two and a half

Just show me one of them

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

She's got me doing butt-clenches at my desk. And now they won't bring me my mail anymore

The guy still won't put out? Nope. Zilch. Nothing. Uh-uh.

Maybe he drives his car on the other side of the road. If you know what I mean. No. What do you mean? He's not British.

No, I felt it on my hip. I could tell.

Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it

He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.

Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toys?

That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really long time

With a man. Ahem, okay. You guys have a really, uh, good night and you two have a, uh, really good cat. Heh.

We're not supposed to take these when we leave

How long do cats live? Figuring you don't throw them under a bus or something?

Monica told you I was cuter than this, didn't she?

Yeah, he wishes

So... Did you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?

I said, 'Excellent butt, great rack.' Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm officially offended. But that's so sweet.

Ugh, you are so yum!

Why can't they get one of those bugs? One of those fruit flies. Those things that live for a day. What are they called? What are they called? Fruit flies? Yes! Thank you.

But only because I've been playing the movie Diner in my head

God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?

All right. Fine. I'll call you back. Thank you.

Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And you see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously I am over you.

Because it's Sunday! It's God's day. Ha, hey. If you say stop, then we stop. Stop. No, come on! We can't stop!

I am the energy train and you are on board! Whoo.

Um, I think there was a restaurant. I know there was wine.

I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I don't remember

Rach, I got a message from you! Who's Michael? Oh, my God. God, Ross, no! Hang up the phone. Give me the phone! Give me the phone! Give me the phone! Give me the...

When were you... under me?

You had feelings for me first. Whoa, huh. You know about my...? You know I had...? You know?

I'm gonna stand... and I'm gonna walk. I'm walking and I am standing.

I've got a cab. I've got a girlfriend. I'm gonna go get a cat. Okay. Okay. Cat!

I can't find the remote

Is he gonna call me the next day? And Where is this going? So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be serious.

Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a great idea? This man is my god.

I didn't get a cat. Oh, that's, um, interesting. No. No, it's not interesting. Okay? It's very, very not interesting. It's actually a hundred percent the opposite of interesting.

Not... Not... Not... every night

There was one Italian guy, okay? And do you have a point?

I don't need your stupid ship! Good! Good! And you know what? Now I got closure!

What? Heh. Nothing. Except tell you, uh, it's wonderful how much energy you have. Well, thanks. Especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.

You can't tell your parents you were fired, because they'd be disappointed. It's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.

If it were me, I'd have difficulty getting out of bed at all. You know, I try to stay positive. So you? You feel like going for a run?