The One with the Baby on the Bus

Who the winny-binny boy? Oh, you the winny-winny-binny-binny boy!

Ben crying stops when passed to different person, immediately resumes when passed back

You know, I once dated a Miss Cranky Pants. Lovely girl. Kind of moody.

Monica experiments with different positions/movements to stop Ben crying

He hates me. My nephew hates me! What if my own baby hates me?

You don't even have a boyfriend yet.

Joey, she does not look fat.

Ross gagging and reacting badly to pie

Kiwi? Kiwi?! You said it was a key lime pie. No, I didn't. I said kiwi lime.

Either that or my mouth is getting smaller!

Actually, it's getting better. Let's not go. Anyone up for Scrabble?

What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids.

I was gonna play basketball... but I guess that's out the window.

My uncle Sal has a really big tongue. Is he the one with the beautiful wife?

I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song, Stop me if you've heard it

And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget

It's that she's so bad she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.

Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?

Aim him at that pack of babes. Maybe one of them will break away.

Well, don't think me immodest, but... me.

I assume we're talking about the baby?

My uterus just skipped a beat.

My brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt. What agency did you two go through?

You can't just erase chalk.

And, like, you know, a gold stick with a ball on top?

Terry's a jerk! That's why we always say, 'Terry's a jerk!' That's where that came from.

You don't clean the cappuccino machine?

I'm not some sloppy second, you know, charity band.

Maybe they can take the needle and squirt it into my mouth. Like a squirt gun.

Ross squeezing Monica's hand so hard she screams

Next time we want to pick up women, we should go to the park and make out.

Can you tell him that? Because he thinks he looks too pink.

We're two heterosexual guys hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doing the usual straight-guy stuff.

We live in the building by the, uh, sidewalk.

BEN! BEN!

That's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord!

Sorry! I got my S's back! Celebrate. Celebrate...

My name was on there, but now it just says carrot cake.

Mine does.

I was wondering what somebody might do if they left a baby on a city bus.

Here's the deal: We lost a car seat on a bus. It's white plastic and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it.

Terry's a jerk and he won't let me work / And I hate Central Perk

Actually, uh, ahem, we're both the father.

That one has ducks on his T-shirt and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks. Or clowns.

That one's Ben! Remember he had that cute little mole by his mouth! / Okay, the mole came off.

Ducks is heads because ducks have heads.

What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

$8.27. But not really, because I put in the first two.

I got 25 cents and a condom.

Did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.

Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?

They were infected. He wouldn't have made it.

How come it says, 'Property of Human Services'?

Stay back! I've got kiwi! Run, Joey, run!

There is no 'top,' all right? That's the beauty of 'Smelly Cat.'