The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Whi

Joey:The trick is just looking at the card quickly

Joey:I did it! I actually did it! I'm a magician!

Chandler:Joey, that was just a lucky guess.

Joey:No, no, no. I felt the magic flowing through my fingertips. I have a gift, Chandler. I'm a real magician.

Joey:Okay, okay, I'm gonna explain the trick. You see, I moved my hands so fast that your eyes couldn't even see them. It was like, invisible.

Joey:Watch, I'll do it again.

Chandler:Do you have any rope? I need about twenty feet. Oh, and make sure it has a little noose at the end.

Chandler:His response was to throw a pretzel at them, taken from a random kid

Ross:I mean, I wasn't even looking for an excuse to bring it up. I just... okay, fine, I was totally looking for an excuse to bring it up. I have had a threesome! It happened! I'm not gonna apologize for wanting to talk about it!

Chandler:So... it's Joey's birthday party.

Mr. Kaplan:I shouldn't drink coffee, it gives me gas.

Rachel:Oh... okay.

Mr. Kaplan:Rachel, I have a special project for you. Something that will really showcase your fashion expertise.

Rachel:Really? What is it?

Mr. Kaplan:I need you to sort these hangers by size.

Rachel:That's it?

Mr. Kaplan:Well, and color. But mostly size.

Gunther:Order up! We got a Brad Pitt-za, a Courteney Cox-agne, and a Jennifer Aniston-etheless salad!

Mark:I named it the Streisand sandwich.

Rachel:Oh my God, you work at Bloomingdale's? Mark, you have to help me find the perfect dress for this event.

Mark:Sure, I'd be happy to help.

Rachel:Really? Oh, thank you so much! Here, please, take my pickle. I was saving it, but you deserve it.

Mark:Um... thanks?

Joey's Sister 1:Oh my God, he's wasted!

Joey's Sister 2:Finally! Hey Chandler, we need you to settle something for us.

Joey's Sister 3:Yeah, which one of us is the prettiest?

Chandler:You're all... beautiful... women.

Joey's Sister 1:That's not an answer! Pick one!

Joey's Sister 2:And be honest — Joey says you're always honest when you're drunk.

Chandler:Well, that explains a lot about my childhood.

Ross:He's in love with you! Why else would a guy do that?

Ross:Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?

Joey:No, only for sex.

Ross:Thank you.

Rachel:Oh yeah, I took out a billboard on the FDR Drive. 'Rachel Green is in a relationship. Discuss.'

Ross:That's not what I meant!

Rachel:Or maybe I could've written it in the sky. 'Rachel's with Ross!' in big letters so Mark could see it from his apartment.

Chandler:Wait, wait, wait. How many sisters does Joey have?

Joey:Eight.

Chandler:Eight?! Oh my God. Your poor mother.

Chandler:So what are you drinking?

Joey's Sister:Oh, just vodka and cranberry juice.

Joey's Sister:My husband and I have this thing where we shoot each other.

Chandler:...I'm gonna go.

Chandler:You know what? Speed dial is just a way of saying 'I love you' to my phone.

Chandler:And Janice... Janice was speed dial number 2. Do you know what that means?

Chandler:It means she was my second favorite person to call. My SECOND favorite!

Chandler:Well, not anymore.

Chandler:You know, I've been thinking about life, mortality, what really matters in this world...

Chandler:And I've come to realize that—wow, is that a low-cut dress or what?

Monica:Mark is so attractive, and when I see him I just... *makes exaggerated cartoon whistling and eye-popping sounds*

Rachel:Well, no. But I think if he really liked me, he would've figured out a way to see me.

Ross:A way to see you? Rachel, he knows where you live.

Rachel:Yeah, but he could've just stopped by. You know, casually, like he was in the neighborhood.

Ross:He lives in the neighborhood.

Rachel:Well, he should've showered first.

Chandler:I'm so drunk, I can't even see my apartment anymore. I think it disappeared.

Chandler:I may have fooled around with Joey's sister.

Joey:Which one?

Chandler:I don't know.

Chandler:You guys are arguing about which one is which? You've known them your whole lives!

Monica:Well, they're twins!

Chandler:Yeah, and you're sisters. I've been married to one of you for years and I still can't tell you apart sometimes.

Chandler:I remember sticking my tongue down someone's throat.

Monica:It was me.

Monica:I just got a little overly friendly when I was drinking.

Chandler:Overly friendly? Monica, you practically attacked me!

Monica:Well, that's what I said — overly friendly.

Joey:You and my sister, sitting in a tree!

Chandler:K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Phoebe:I finished my book!

Monica:That's great! What's it about?

Phoebe:I have no idea.

Chandler:Cuba? No, no, no. I'm going to France. But you know what? Cuba's not a bad idea. I could learn Spanish. 'Chandler Bing es en la casa!' No wait, that's not right. I could hide out in Havana, lay low for a while. Maybe grow a beard. Do I look good with a beard? Actually, don't answer that—I'm going to Cuba!

Joey:She was, like, the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body.

Joey:My mom's at the dentist and my dad's at the track.

Joey:It's like every other Wednesday.

Rachel:He was busy. He had to work late.

Ross:Yeah, and I'm a paleontologist.

Rachel:Monica, what should I wear? I want to make a good impression.

Monica:Okay, here's what you do. Dress as unsexy as possible.

Rachel:Unsexy? Monica, it's a job interview, not a costume party.

Monica:I know, but trust me. The less attractive you look, the more they'll focus on your qualifications.

Ross:Wait, wait. Mark is going to prep Rachel? What does that mean, prep? Is that some kind of medical thing? Because I've seen those videos, and prep does not sound good.

Chandler:Ross, it just means he's going to help her prepare for the interview.

Ross:That's what they want you to think! But prep... prep is what they do before surgery. He's prepping her. For the removal. The surgical removal of me!

Ross:Grow up? Monica, I'm a paleontologist. I have a PhD. I think I'm grown up enough.

Monica:You're afraid of the bathroom at work.

Ross:Well you're a control freak!

Chandler:Can I get the tiramisu recipe?

Grandma:The recipe dies with me.

Chandler:So will I.

Chandler:Wait, wait, wait. How did this happen again?

Mary Therese:What do you mean 'again'?

Chandler:Nothing! Nothing, I just... you're not the sister I thought you were.

Chandler:Hey, hey, hey! Joey! Want to play a game?

Joey:A game? What kind of game?

Chandler:It's called 'You Stay Over There' and I Stay Over Here. It's very popular in... Canada.

Chandler:Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me that Monica and Rachel are sisters?

Monica:Yes, Chandler. We've been sisters since birth.

Chandler:Right, right, I know that. I just... I'm confused because you all look the same to me.

Rachel:We all look the same? Chandler, it's just Monica and me.

Chandler:I know! That's what I'm saying. You two look identical. It's very confusing.

Joey's Sister:Did you hear what Chandler did?

Joey's Sister:We're gonna kill him!

Joey's Sister:Nobody treats our Joey like that!

Joey's Sister:So you two are good now?

Joey:Yeah, we worked it out.

Joey's Sister:Well, you can still punch him if you want.

Chandler:What? Why would he—I thought we just—

Rachel:Ross? What are you doing here?

Ross:Oh, hey! I was just in the neighborhood. I have a paper route.

Rachel:You have a paper route?

Ross:Yeah, yeah. Very early mornings. You wouldn't know about it because you're usually asleep when I'm out there throwing papers on people's lawns.

Phoebe:Were you eavesdropping on my date?

Monica:I was not eavesdropping. The noise you two were making was destroying my apartment!

Phoebe:Maybe the pogo stick enjoys it.

Monica:Phoebe, don't worry. It's not that bad.

Phoebe:Not that bad? Monica, I can hear everything!

Monica:Well, look on the bright side. At least you know they're having fun.

Phoebe:Fun?! It sounds like they're rearranging furniture up there!

Monica:Okay, well... it's kind of like listening to someone eat cereal. At first it's annoying, but then you realize they're just enjoying their breakfast.