The One with the Tiny T-Shirt

Say, Rachel... I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime... as my lover.

Mm. Too out there. Maybe you'd just like to get something to eat with me sometime... as my lover.

[CRASH IN KITCHEN]

I dropped a cup.

It's not gonna be able to do any of those things... but it'll understand what you're saying.

We were out of Doritos.

Mr. Millionaire. New, from Snooty Playthings. Third wife sold separately.

Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image? Two.

Wow. Can Joey and I put them on and fight?

Oh, Mommy. Oh, Daddy. I am a big old baddy.

Either that or Gloria Estefan was right. Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.

Are you one of the retarded cousins?

She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the middle class... Oh, forget about it. She rocks.

Dr. Drake Ramoray? Days of our Lives? Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat?

So you're a soap actor. Well, this must be exciting for you, being in a real play.

That infomercial. For the milk-carton-spout thing. You're the guy who doesn't know how to pour milk.

See, I actually can pour milk. But I got you believing that I couldn't. Now, see, that's acting.

Right. At the end, you choked on a cookie. Yeah, that was real.

Okay, so it's probably just the Ross thing.

Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realizes that life without me sucks.

It's possible. You are very lovable. I'd miss you if I broke up with you.

[IN DEEP VOICE] If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.

Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop. It's still a gift. I got it from the gift shop.

You are a petty man. You are a petty, petty... Petty... petty, petty... small... small...

You haven't worn that since you were 15. It doesn't even fit you anymore. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What, like, 'Pete Dakota'? Or 'Mississi-Pete.' Ooh, ooh, I got it: 'Pete Chicago.'

That's not a state, Joe. Oh, and 'Mississi-Pete' is?

Okay. You're our age. Okay.

Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him.

Yeah, kind of.

Tasty.

Oh, hey, how about this one? Uh, it says so in the script.

It doesn't say that in the script. It does in mine.

Does it bug you? You bug me.

Is there any chance you didn't see that?

You can't just stare through the peephole for three hours. You're gonna get peep-eye.

I mean, bullets have left guns slower.

And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

That way, if one of them is missing, she can be like, 'Where's number 27?'

Look, you wanna get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really. No, no. I say we get back at him right here on this couch. Right here.

I can just go home and get back at him by myself.

Well, with all these doctors and nurses... I'm gonna say, Midget Rodeo.

Yeah. I know I'm no Jon Bon Jovi.

Yeah, stupidly charming, isn't it?

I don't think this town is big enough for the both of us to relax in.

I wasn't doing anything.

Ah, Sliced Bread. A wonderful Lady Macbeth.

God, I just... I hate her with her 'Oh, I'm so talented' and 'Oh, I'm so pretty,' and 'Oh, I smell so good.'

I think somebody has a crush on somebody. Hey, Chandler, can we please try and stay focused on my problem here? You know? I'm talking about you, you big, big freak.

If you were in school yard... you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now. Oh, yeah? Then how come I keep thinking about her... in all these sexual scenarios and stuff, huh?

You guys make me fly. High.

Why isn't it 'Spiderman'? You know, like Goldman, Silverman? Because it's not his last name. It isn't? No, it's not, like... Like Phil Spiderman.

But there's no gold man. Oh, okay. There should be a Gold Man.

Although I did sit down where there wasn't a chair.

What about things that are already gold? Ah. His work is done.

All right, you yellow-bellied, lily-livered... Draw. Yeah, it's fun.