The One With The Chick And The Duck

Phoebe:That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Roller skating waitresses? What idiot came up with that?

Rachel:Um, actually, I did.

Monica:Here, I made you some hot cocoa.

Rachel:Oh, thanks! I'll just grab it while I'm—

Rachel:Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Monica:Rachel!

Rachel:Ahhhh!

Monica:Oh my God, Chandler, you look like Satan!

Chandler:Is that bad?

Chandler:Yeah, well, a woman on the street told me I look like Satan once.

Chandler:I was like, 'Thank you, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now.'

Chandler:Were you crying about Kate?

Joey:No! I was watching this medical drama and this doctor told his patient he had only six months to live.

Ross:I'm going to be on the Discovery Channel! They're doing a whole segment on my work with fossils.

Rachel:That's... that's great, Ross. How many people do you think watch that?

Ross:Are you ready to go?

Chandler:Yeah, but I have to say, that shirt is not working for you.

Monica:Oh, you should've seen Chandler on roller skates. He looked like Bambi on ice, except Bambi was eventually able to stand up.

Monica:Do you want regular or decaf?

Pete:I don't really drink coffee. I'm more of a herbal tea guy. Actually, I just had my kitchen renovated with a $50,000 espresso machine, but I mostly use it as a conversation piece.

Pete:So what did you do today?

Pete:Oh, you know, just bought an entire restaurant.

Monica:Pete offered me a restaurant.

Joey:What? He said you look like a restaurant?

Monica:It's like when I didn't accept that necklace in 7th grade.

Rachel:Monica, that wasn't a necklace. That was your teacher.

Chandler:Hey, nice suit! You look like you're about to host a riverboat casino!

Ross:Do you like my white suit?

Rachel:You look like Colonel Sanders.

Rachel:Oh my God, Ross, you look like you're about to invent the cotton gin.

Rachel:Well, I suggested topless waitresses three months ago.

Joey:So, uh, how do I get the chicks to like me?

Chandler:Well, you're holding one of them right now, so I'd say start with not crushing it. As for the other kind of chicks, I'm equally useless at both.

Chandler:Joey, you're like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. You're gonna love that chick to death.

Monica:Oh my God, that's great! I'm so happy for you! Oh, this is wonderful!

Monica:I'm quitting! I'm finally doing it!

Monica:I'm going to skate right into his office and tell him exactly what I think!

Monica:*crashes through the door*

Monica:Don't worry, I'm fine!

Pete:I met someone in Japan.

Phoebe:No you didn't.

Phoebe:I'm not just good at reading people, I can see into the future.

Phoebe:I'm psychic. I know things before they happen.

Pete:You can't tell anyone about this, okay?

Phoebe:Okay, I won't tell anyone.

Pete:I'm serious, Phoebe. This is important.

Phoebe:I know, I know. Your secret is safe with me.

Pete:So you understand how important this is?

Phoebe:Totally. What was it again?

Joey:You think the chick's a she?

Chandler:Well, I had to look. And then I had to look away. And then I had to look again.

Joey:I'm the one who feeds her, I'm the one who changes her litter box!

Chandler:Oh, so now you're the only one who cares about her?

Joey:Well, maybe if you spent less time at work and more time at home, you'd know that!

Chandler:Look, we need to talk about this. We can't keep avoiding it. Do you want to have children or not?

Joey:I don't know, man. Do you?

Chandler:I'm asking you first!

Joey:Well, I think we should wait a few years.

Chandler:A few years?! We've been living together for how long?

Phoebe:Your butt looks great in that blue suit.

Ross:Really? Thanks!

Ross:Well, the aspirin is working. Look at her go!

Ross:Hi, I'm Rachel Green, and I'm in excruciating pain.

Joey:Hey, can you help me get ready? I got a date tonight.

Chandler:Sure, what do you need?

Joey:Well, I was trying to impress her, so I got her a little chick as a gift.

Chandler:That's... sweet?

Joey:Yeah, but there's a problem. It got stuck in the stereo.

Ross:You know, you should wear more makeup.

Rachel:Excuse me? Why would you say that?

Ross:I'm just saying you'd look better with—

Rachel:Better? Ross, I didn't ask for your beauty tips. Since when are you a makeup expert?

Ross:I'm not, I just thought—

Rachel:You know what? I'm happy with how I look. Maybe you should focus on yourself.

Ross:The makeup will make you look more sophisticated.

Rachel:Oh yeah, because nothing says 'sophisticated' like looking like a clown who got into a fight with a makeup counter.

Monica:Okay, what is it? What's your secret?

Phoebe:I can't tell you.

Monica:Come on, Phoebe. Is it worse than what Chandler does in the shower?

Chandler:Hey!

Phoebe:Wait, wait, wait. His sock? What do you mean his sock? Like, did he lose it? Is it missing? Because I once knew a sock that ran away. We never found it. It could be anywhere by now.

Ross:Is the makeup job good enough for your party?

Rachel:Yeah, it looks great. My coworker did it—she's really talented.

Ross:I've seen you naked before! Remember that time in Barbados?

Rachel:That was an accident!

Ross:Well, I remember it very clearly. And very fondly.

Rachel:Ross!

Ross:What? And then there was that other time, when you came out of the shower...

Rachel:Okay, that's enough!

Ross:And you had that little... you know, that little...

Rachel:Ross, stop!

Ross:I can see Rachel naked anytime I want.

Ross:I just close my eyes and remember.

Ross:I'm picturing her in a negligee... no wait, now she's on a bearskin rug... oh God, now there's a saxophonist playing in the corner... and she's feeding me grapes... giant grapes, the size of apples... and I'm floating... I'm literally floating above the bed...

Monica:This is like trying to communicate with Lassie!

Phoebe:Woof woof.

Joey:Oh, yeah. Pamela Anderson. Whoa... I mean, look at the little guy, he's mesmerized. He loves the fuzzy thing.

Joey:I love you both, but in different ways. I love you like a brother loves a sister.

Joey:And I love you like a man loves... Yasmine Bleeth.

Joey:Because I fell in love with it! I named her Yasmine!

Chandler:You named the chick Yasmine?

Joey:Yeah, after Yasmine Bleeth.

Joey:I have a funny story to tell you guys.

Monica:Wait, wait. I need to know something. I need to know if I'm attracted to you.

Monica:The only way to find out is to kiss you.

Rachel:Will you tell me the truth about something?

Ross:Yeah, of course.

Rachel:Do you think I look fat?

Ross:No! No, of course not. You look great.

Rachel:Really?

Ross:Really. I mean, if you were on an x-ray, you'd be invisible.

Chandler:Hey! Hey! What is wrong with you? You can't just go around biting people! Now apologize to the nice man. Go on, apologize!

Ross:I missed it. I missed my appearance on TV.

Chandler:What? How did you miss it?

Ross:I was at the museum, cataloging the new exhibits, and I just... lost track of time.

Monica:Ross, this was the biggest moment of your career!

Ross:I know.

Chandler:Actually, birds are excellent swimmers.

Joey:Hey, maybe it just needs practice. You know, like, it could learn to swim!