The One with the Cat

I get tetanus shots every time I get dressed!

Can we stick you in another cabinet? They seem all right with it!

Hey, why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because you have doody on your head.

Yeah, it was funnier when Ben told it.

You're so lucky! He's like the most popular guy in school!

Why? Did you write it?

I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.

Dumb drunken bitch

First tell us where you got the prettiest lace in the land.

Gepetto? Five thousand dollars? Are you insane?

What kind of profit is that? And you call yourself an accountant?

I can't believe you don't know. I actually don't know.

There's a kitty in my guitar case. Everyone's gonna want one.

I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my mother.

That makes the fact that she owns beach-front property all the more impressive.

Have you been taking your grandmother's glaucoma medicine again?

No, Dr. Skeptismo.

My mother's favorite fish was orange roughy.

You had me with orange felt.

Phoebe's mom's got a huge pair of... Let it go!

I couldn't find him for hours! He was having sex with Amy Welsh!

Oh, yeah, you're right, Moni-cow.

They had that specially made?

Oh, my God! They said it was for the mascot.

I never let her eat.

If possible, could you leave him and have sex with another guy?

Not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.

Just like when she was alive.

I just spelled the wrong word.

Hey, you swore you would never tell.

You won't suck me into this. Sure I will. Because you always have to be right.

Jurassic Park could happen.

And you know what? Actually, I do think Kirk was smarter than Spock.

Pardon my roommate. He wanted to marry this.

Then when you get home, throw the canoe away. We're not throwing it away. I built it.

Apparently Phoebe's mother also goes by the name 'Julio.'

Wait a minute. This is not the same cat. This cat's only this big.

Yeah! $200 reward split five ways!

Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat.

He is right, isn't he? This might be one time when he's wrong. Oh, no. He's right.

Mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred.

Not yet, not yet, not yet!

So, Monica about ready?

My roommate bet me $5 I couldn't. Then he stuck a board through the handles and locked me in.

It was funny till I felt like it was a coffin.

Sometimes I come in here just to get away from it.

That's what we called your motorcycle in high school. A motorcycle's a chopper. And you're Chip.

A lipper from Chipper.

After high school, you kind of lose touch. I ran into Richard Dorfman. How is he? Me and Simens gave him a wedgie.

Isn't he an architect? They still wear underwear.

How were you locked in? Where the hell is all of our stuff?

Bend over?

Still at the Multiplex? Like I'd give up that job! Free popcorn and candy anytime I want?

Do you still live with your parents? Yeah, but I can stay out as late as I want.

Why couldn't he have been a kidnapper.

Man, he took the five of spades! No, here it is.

Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!

Tonight, I actually went out with Chip in high school.

They said, 'You don't have insurance. Stop calling us.'

Ross, how many parents have you lost? None.

I think she would like that.

If she'd come back as a couch, we'd really appreciate it.

Dude, you don't have to brag. We got nothing here.