The One With All The Kissing

Character A:You look really cute in bubbles.

Character B:That's just the alcohol talking.

Character A:I've had such a difficult day.

Joey:Do you want some chicken?

Joey:Hey, how about dinner? I know this great place, they do extra-crispy, dirty rice...

Character A:No.

Joey:But you don't even know what I was gonna—

Character A:No!

Joey:I've got chicken!

Chandler:No thanks, Joey.

Joey:It's really good chicken.

Chandler:I said no.

Joey:Free chicken.

Chandler:How much chicken are we talking about?

Character A:I'll have a triple cheeseburger, extra bacon, large fries, onion rings, and a fried chicken sandwich.

Character B:And to drink?

Character A:Diet Coke.

Phoebe:So there was this cabdriver, right? And he told me...

Monica:Wait, weren't you just in London?

Phoebe:Oh my God, yes! Remember when we went to London?

Rachel:Phoebe, you didn't go to London.

Phoebe:I went in my mind! Anyway, the cabdriver...

Joey:What was London like?

Phoebe:Amazing! So wet. So... British.

Monica:Remember when we all went to London for my wedding?

Rachel:Oh my God, yes! And remember when Ross got off the plane?

Chandler:How could we forget? He was only gone for like five minutes.

Joey:I remember the fish and chips were amazing!

Phoebe:I remember the cobblestone streets. Very spiritual energy.

Ross:Actually, I remember every single detail. The way the light hit Big Ben at exactly 3:47 PM.

Monica:You remember that specifically?

Ross:I remember what everyone was wearing. Rachel had on her blue top with the—

Rachel:Okay, that's creepy, Ross.

Chandler:I remember the exact number of steps to the Tower of London. Two thousand, three hundred and forty-seven.

Joey:I remember the name of the waiter at that one restaurant. His name was Herbert.

Phoebe:I remember I saw a pigeon that looked exactly like my grandmother. It was a sign.

Character A:Wait, wait. Go back to your story. What happened with the guy?

Phoebe:Oh. Um, nothing. He just... left. That was it.

Phoebe:I'm gonna go get some gum.

Ross:I'm going to London!

Chandler:That's great! You'll love it there.

Ross:Love it? I'm going to have the best beer of my entire life! British ale, mate. It's going to change everything!

Ross:I would walk all the way to London for a beer right now.

Chandler:Couldn't you just go to the store?

Ross:She's not my wife!

Character A:Yet.

Ross:What? No, I mean... she's not... we're not...

Ross:I meant to say my girlfriend. Rachel is my girlfriend.

Ross:What? I can run fast! I'll race you right now!

Character A:Really?

Ross:Yeah! I'm very athletic. I'll beat you to the door!

Rachel:Oh my God, it was amazing! The beaches were so beautiful, the food was incredible, and the people were so friendly. I had the best time!

Ross:Twelve dozen roses. That's 144 roses. One for each day since we met. Well, actually, I rounded down.

Chandler:You know what? Just say her name right this time.

Rachel:It was a nightmare! The hotel was falling apart, the food gave me food poisoning, and I got lost for three days!

Greek Man:Mrs. Green, you okay?

Another Greek:Mrs. Green, we find you now, is good!

Rachel:I've made so many bad decisions. I'm a mess. My life is a disaster.

Rachel:Columbus sucks! Columbus sucks! Columbus sucks!

Rachel:Phoebe, will you make all my decisions for me?

Phoebe:No. No, I can't do that.

Rachel:Why not?

Phoebe:Because I'm not a good person.

Phoebe:I can't make your decisions for you, Rachel. I have too much baggage from my past.

Monica:I'll do it! I'll make all your decisions!

Rachel:Monica, that's really sweet, but—

Monica:No, I'm thinking about this. We need to set up a system. Color-coded binders, daily check-ins, I'll need access to your closet for pre-approval of outfits.

Monica:Rachel, please be careful with those! They're originals!

Rachel:I know, I know. I'm being gentle.

Monica:Gentle?! You're crying on them! Your tears are literally falling on my memories!

Rachel:It's just a little moisture—

Monica:A little moisture?! Do you know what moisture does to photographs from the '80s?!

Monica:It's okay. I know you're going through a lot right now.

Monica:Though I'm guessing at least some of that was about me.

Phoebe:Okay, okay, okay. There's plenty of great guys out there. Like Gunther!

Rachel:Gunther?

Phoebe:Yeah! He's sweet, he's sensitive, he makes a mean cappuccino...

Rachel:Phoebe, Gunther is in love with me. It's weird.

Phoebe:Exactly! He's available!

Rachel:I have to do what you tell me.

Monica:Okay, go up to him and say, 'Hi, I'm Rachel, and I have to do whatever you tell me to do.'

Phoebe · Character A · Phoebe:And me. / We've been talking about London too much. / Sorry, it's just because I couldn't be there.

Phoebe:I'm pregnant stuff.

Chandler:Wait, why did Joey kiss you goodbye?

Monica:It's a European thing. He picked it up in... I don't know, Europe.

Chandler:That felt French.

Monica:What?

Chandler:His kiss. It felt French.

Rachel:Oh my God, Ross! You sent Emily flowers?

Ross:Yeah, I wanted to make a grand romantic gesture.

Chandler:How'd that work out?

Ross:Emily destroyed them and sent them back as mulch.

Monica:Well, we could make potpourri out of them!

Ross:Potpourri? Monica, they were beautiful roses!

Monica:They still are... just in a more... fragrant way.

Ross:I'm going to go wander dramatically in the rain.

Character A:It's not raining.

Ross:Well, even the weather won't cooperate with my misery!

Rachel:I'm sorry, I have to go. I dropped my socks in the dryer and I need to get them before they wrinkle.

Monica:Rachel, you don't have a sock drawer. You have a sock pile. In the corner. With a chair on top of it.

Rachel:Monica, I'm going to have to let you go from your decision-making position.

Monica:As someone in a decision-making position, I've decided that's not happening.

Joey:I'll help you with that door.

Joey:But first, you gotta kiss me.

Monica:You can't tell him! It'll ruin everything.

Monica:Look, relationships are like swing dancing. You have to have the right partner, the right timing, and you can't just throw yourself at someone mid-routine or you'll both end up on the floor.

Ross:Are we talking about swing dancing or...?

Monica:I'm just saying, some things are better left unsaid.

Monica:It's like swing dancing. You have to let the guy lead, and if you're tense, it doesn't work.

Ross:Yeah, that's true. I took a swing dancing class once, and my partner kept stepping on my feet because I was too stiff.

Ross:I need to cancel an order. I sent five teddy bears to London, and I need them stopped before they arrive.

Clerk:Five teddy bears? Sir, that's not a massacre.

Ross:Well, to Emily it will be!

Monica:We wanted to do something really special for you, Phoebe. We've been planning this trip for weeks.

Chandler:Yeah, we're taking you somewhere you've always wanted to go.

Ross:Somewhere exotic and amazing.

Rachel:We're going to... Central Park!

Phoebe:Central Park? That's it? I walk through Central Park all the time. I once gave birth to triplets behind the Bethesda Terrace.

Phoebe:I can't believe we're not actually going to Central Park. I was really looking forward to it.

Phoebe:And what if we run into a street performer? They always want to give me a high-five, and my hands are very sensitive.

Chandler:Oh, could you BE any more of a lip-locking machine right now?

Joey:It's a cultural thing! In some countries, men greet each other with a kiss on the lips.

Chandler:Well, in THIS country, we call that sexual assault!

Phoebe:Who came up with the Atlantic City plan?

Monica:I did!

Rachel:No, I did!

Chandler:Actually, I mentioned it first.

Ross:But I organized the logistics.

Joey:I drove us there though!

Phoebe:So basically, nobody knows.

Character A:I'm going to go pack my ass off.

Ross:Well, I'm reading about the latest paleontological discoveries in the Mesozoic Era, the geopolitical implications of trade tariffs, and a rather compelling exposé on municipal infrastructure.

Rachel:No, I'm right about this. People are wrong all the time and they don't even realize it. Like, did you know that the human body is 60% water? No wait, it's 70%. Actually, I think it might be 65%... I mean, the point is, people confidently state facts they're not even sure about, which is exactly what I'm talking about!

Rachel:What? What do you mean 'I know'? I just told you I'm in love with you! I can't believe you're being so cruel right now.

Rachel:I know, I know, it's ridiculous. I'm being ridiculous. I'm laughing at myself because... because what else am I supposed to do? I mean, this is insane. It's completely insane. I'm insane. Do you hear how insane I sound right now? Because I sound insane. Very, very insane.

Rachel:I was floating above myself, looking down, and I was like, 'Wow, she really should have said something to Ross years ago.'

Rachel:And then floating me was just shaking her head at regular me like, 'Girl, that outfit does NOT work with those shoes.'

Ross:So let me get this straight. My wife is missing, and I have no idea where she is. I mean, what kind of husband doesn't know where his wife is?

Ross:"Oh, where's Rachel?" "I don't know, she could be anywhere! Peru? The grocery store? Who knows!"

Ross:I'm a paleontologist! I can identify a fossilized bone from three million years ago, but I can't tell you if my wife is in the apartment!

Rachel:I know! See? I told you! I was right!

Chandler:We're going to Atlantic City!

Joey:Yeah! We're gonna roll some bones, baby!

Chandler:Did you just say 'roll some bones'?

Joey:What? It's a thing!

Chandler:No, it's not a thing. You just made it a thing, and now it's awkward.

Joey:Wait, wait, wait. Who's sitting in front?

Monica:Oh my God, Phoebe's in labor!

Chandler:We need to get her to the hospital!

Joey:This is it! This is the big moment!

Ross:Everyone stay calm. I'll call an ambulance.

Phoebe:Okay, okay, I'm ready. Let's do this!

Chandler:You got this, Phoebe!

Joey:High five! This is amazing!

Joey:Hey, I'm just saying goodbye to my friends.

Chandler:Well, while you're at it, why don't you just do that thing we talked about in the bathroom?

Monica:Chandler, you realize that most people don't actually have sex in public places, right?