The One with the Apothecary Table

just kissed her!

Oh we kissed it up real nice.

I came over here to tell you guys. So she's just waiting over there for ya?

Y'know what? She-she kisses better than my mom cooks!

I am so glad you said cooks.

I'm not your garbage man. I'm your mailman.

Does anyone even know what an apothecary is?

A pharmacist. (Rachel mocks him.)

You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets! I was tired!

Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.

Hey! I made that for her!

Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.

Ahh, just like the apothecary tables of yore...so then the farmer says, 'That's not a cow and you're not milking it.'

Look at us, we're a couple of couples!

How are we gonna get out of that one?

Well y'know, he's blah, she's just? she's very loud for such a small person.

If you want, I'll sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents.

Ha! See, I knew, I knew you'd get it on the first guess.

Almost.

Oh, okay see I thought, I thought you meant how much was it when it was new, y'know like back then.

A dollar? And fifty. So it was like one and fifty dollars.

Uh, it's from yore. Like the days of yore. Y'know?

White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place.

Why did you do that? Because she hates Pottery Barn. She hates Pottery Barn?!!

Ooh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets! Ooo! Oh, I forgot they made sheets!

Yeah but Pottery Barn! Y'know what I think? It's just she-she's weird. Y'know it's because she's a twin. Twins are weird.

Huh. Y'know what's not one of a kind? A twin!

You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.

Yeah, she's been in there all day, uh high fever, a nose problem... Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm!

That's funny, I saw no phlegm.

Uh, y'know, starve a fever, go to a play for a cold.

Because she uh, she-she thinks that you are blah and that you, Monica, are too loud.

What?!! What?

And I am not blah, I am a hoot!

Eh, they're both good. I generally just go with, Monica's drunk again.

I do not like that woman! I can hear you! I am loud!

Hey Pheebs, could you please not put your feet up on my new...(On Rachel's glare)...old sheet?

Oh my God, Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique!

Well this doesn't even smell like opium.

Oh Ross, calm down, I'll give you the 80 cents.

Oh nothing, we're just talking. Y'know, blah-blah-blah.

That's right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!

We didn't give you any money! (Chandler is motioning, 'No!')

You don't think I know that!

Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue.

Oh it does, it does! It is a room separating apparatus from Colonial times.

Well there's yore. And uh, y'know, yesteryear.

Oh, come on! I think he's ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.

No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And it's all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I don't have that lamp!

Well are you saying that-that you would move out if-if I didn't buy that lamp? What?! No! I'm not gonna move out! But are you saying that you would move out if I didn't buy that lamp? Oh. Yes! I would so move out!

We have got to move!

And I'm blah? Listen, the only thing more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it, 'Oh Chandler, I just lost myself in the moment.'

Y'know, I know you're talking, but all I hear is, 'Blah. Blah. Blah-blah-blah.'

Y'know I think you can take her.

Or I'll hear you. That's it big girl Come on!

Yeah, I'm sorry man. You wanna go watch?

You're right! That did cheer me up!