The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad

Well, thank you in advance.

You're going to make a joke about my special present. Why would you do that?

Oh, my God! It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.

I can't even use Chandler's computer, except to find porn.

And that's only because it's there when you turn it on.

Our lover's spat will start a little early this month.

Because the last one was such a big seller?

And as I'm the only one who has read them... I can tell you that they have all been very well received.

Wait a minute. Hold the phone. You're not Elizabeth's dad?

We know how tough those parent-teacher conferences can be.

Wow! He's so lifelike.

This is the temporary robot, right?

Well, I just thought it was gonna be a really cool robot. Like the Terminator, or when I first saw you.

I prefer that Liz's boyfriends address me as Mr. Stevens.

Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?

It's funny... It's not funny.

Daddy. Fine. Two minutes. Go.

Not 'it.' We haven't done 'it.' I mean, we've done stuff...

Two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish. I'm Irish. And the Irish guy wins the joke.

...rugged handsomeness.

Is there a Mrs. Stevens? There's a Mr. Bing!

...because usually he's at the children's hospital. But not looking for dates.

Your roommate in college died, didn't he?

A part of him did, yes.

You said we would get the kind with the little girl. You said the baby creeps you out. The little girl does.

And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as it's a compliment.

Maybe you could date him then. It would save me the trouble of killing him.

You just don't look old enough to have a 20-year-old daughter.

We? Yeah, it usually takes two people to... Oh, no! Yes! Of course. I know that!

Damn those robots. They're supposed to be our faithful servants!

There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor.

You did. You came in, got all awkward and ran to the bedroom. You were shouting, 'Joey!'

You know, he lost his keys. So he was looking for them. In your mouth?

You dated my sister! That was different!

Go back there and kiss some serious robot ass!

Yeah. That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side.

I'm not writing about you. I'm writing about other people. Who? Marsha and Chester.

Fine. Then you know what? I will just write about Phyllis.

I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!

I can't believe this! God!

I definitely did not see that one backfiring.

...and partly because they just keep coming to me.

'Not all bad.'

I know what you mean. I do that, too.

That was just a big drunken mistake.

The only way that I said 6:00... would be if I said the sentence, 'Let's meet at 7:00, not at 6:00.'

If I had said 7:00, I would have said: 'My boyfriend is such a wiseass. 7:00!'

Thank you for writing your book. It's a great book... and you are the queen of everything.

'Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis.'

I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman. You know, Sarah. I wish I could talk to her. Are you in love with her? Yeah. Her. All of them. Anyone.

How to make the next one even shorter?

So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?

That's okay. I'm not so crazy about myself right now either.

Kids!

Wayne! Wayne!