The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance

Monica, which of all of this kitchen stuff is mine? / This bottle opener. / -And...? -And it's a magnet.

How weird is that? You're moving in with me... and you have the one thing I don't have. It's like, in a way, you complete me.

You complete me kitchen, matey!

I know what you're thinking. That she'll move in with you, then fall in love with you, and then... when she finds out you're already married, she'll be happy.

You know? You're just very sad.

I see what this is. You are in love with Rachel! It all adds up! You're obsessed with her. It's always: 'What will you do about Rachel? Why are you moving in with Rachel? When will you confess your secret marriage to Rachel?' You want her!

Saved by the bell.

Aren't these candlesticks mine? / No, I bought those. / Oh, right. I forgot. / That you're a liar!

That was the head of the paleontology department... at N... Y... U.

-They loved it. -Well, who wouldn't?

How great would that look on the mailbox? Professor Geller. Professor and Mrs.

And Mrs.? / You and Ross are still married. / What? / Just kidding!

Saved your ass.

You know that psychic I see? She told me I'm gonna die this week, so I'm bummed.

She'd say that to you? / You don't believe her, do you? / I don't know. She said that I'd have triplets... but she also said one of them would be black.

Just out of curiosity, did she say how you'd go? / She didn't tell me I'd die till the end of the session. I wasn't gonna waste a whole other hour there! I've only got a week left. I've really gotta start living now!

This is it. This is what's gonna kill me.

Are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?

I never seen a guy stare so hard at something that didn't have chicks on it.

Open with a joke? It's a university, not a comedy club. / Wait a minute, hold the phone. You're not talking about Chuckles University?

-You know what's a good visual aid? -Don't say naked chicks.

That's the way I did it till I was 19. / All right, 20. / Twenty-three.

It's probably a residual check. / 'Benefits lapsed.' That's weird. I don't remember being in a movie called Benefits Lapsed.

When I had insurance, I could get hit by a bus... or catch on fire, you know? And it wouldn't matter. Now I gotta be careful?

There's never a good time to have to... stop catching on fire.

Hey, you're still alive!

How are you feeling? / It's so exhausting, waiting for death.

Preparing you for.. Didn't you think I was dead? Did that not come off? / Yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought we'd lost you forever.

I liked them so much that I bought some for myself. / They're really great, aren't they? / I love them. / Nice try.

I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks either.

Everyone's all, 'Ross, you have to be funny and sexy.' Well, I proved them wrong! / -That you're not funny or sexy? -That's right!

Joey Tribbiani. So you came back, huh? They think they can do better, but they all... come crawling back to Estelle.

What are you talking about? I never left you. You've always been my agent. / Really? / Oh, well, no harm no foul.

All right, first thing we gotta do: damage control. / -Why? / Well, I think... someone out there... may have been bad-mouthing you all over town. / The bastard!

Hey, sisters. / Wow, we really are bitches.

What he believed to be igneous was, in fact, sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when.. / Oh, bloody hell.

That's great, but shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?

I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before. And then I passed out... and I haven't been able to stand up since. But I don't think it's anything serious.

If I go to the doctor, it'll be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! / That's a hernia.

Why'd I have to start working out again? Damn you, 15s!

Look, I was nervous. You guys had me all worried I was gonna be boring. I got up there and they were all, like, staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.

Yeah, and not a very good one.

You can have an accent, but I can't? / Top of the morning to you, laddies! / Would you just please stop? / Yes, yes, Bombay is very, very nice this time of year.

Besides, it's getting darker and more painful. That means it's healing.

Besides, when my insurance kicks in... I can get all the free operations I want. I'll probably start with that laser eye surgery.

Joey's got a hernia, but it's nothing a little laser eye surgery won't fix.

Hey, maybe you'll die! / Chandler, I'm scared. / No, we can go together. Just don't wait too long, because I'm out of here sometime before Friday.

Wait. Could I come back and haunt Monica and Rachel when they're in the shower? / -That's my girlfriend. -Hey, I'm dead!

Just wanna each take one? / Yeah, that seems fair. We never use them.

Why don't you call Mummy and Daddy?

Why don't you phase it out? Yeah, phase the accent out. People will think you're adjusting to life in America.

They're probably not even listening to you. / They're not listening to me? / Of course they're listening to you. / Monica, do you think I should try this phasing-out thing? / I think you look fine.

Hey, Timmy. I've got a surprise... for you. / Hold it. I'm sorry. The surprise is a new swing set. If you could play it less intense.

Hey, Timmy. I've got a surprise for you! / Oh, my God!

The line is, 'Pick up a bag,' so you need to pick up the bag. / Or I could just point to it. / Purina One. Point to a bag today.

Hello, Ross? This is Dr. McNeely from the Fake Accent University. We'd like you to come onboard full-time!

My reading was wrong. I'm not going to die. / Really? How do you know? / My psychic is dead! She must have read the cards wrong.

And thanks again for helping me take a shower. / Now, is that 'never talking about it again'?

As you can see, my hands are not in my pants.

One thing, is it all right if I scream... right up until you say, 'Action'? / Sure.

We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!

Yes, this is Russell, Ross' divorce lawyer. Since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's giving the marriage a try.

What's happening to your accent?

All right. I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous, and the accent... just came out. I'm sorry.

Ross! Are you crazy? I am still your wife? Were you just never gonna tell me? What the hell is wrong with you? I could just kill you!

Well, hello, Rachel!

We're just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.

See? Now let's try one without the helmet.