The One with Joey's Porsche

When? After the birth of our first secret child?

At what point did you think this was a successful marriage?

Maybe it's best not to think about it.

Another lie. You have a sickness!

For my own peace of mind, are you married to any more of us?

I make 4 bucks an hour. I saved up for 350 years.

I didn't realize till I got home. I wasn't gonna walk back with one shoe.

By the way, they're not actually puppies. They're Frank and Alice's triplets.

I'm gonna pass, because I was kind of iffy when it was puppies.

It'll give us great practice for when... people with babies come to visit.

Nice car. / It's not mine. / I love your car. / Yeah. It's mine.

It's got them!

December 26th. Maybe she's Santa Claus.

Oh, look who it is. My husband, the apple of my eye.

Sure, if you say you'll take care of it, I have no reason to doubt you.

Okay, Rach, but-- / You're peeping!

Oh, I am so mad, Ross! I don't think I've ever been this angry!

What about when I said we were on a break?

Little Baby Girl Chandler. Where have I heard that before? Oh, Coach Rubin.

We should really be playing a zone defense. / Things'll go smoother if we each have a zone.

I'll be in charge of looking at how cute they are when they put their hands... / Sounds great, but you should be in charge of wiping.

Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.

Yeah? Well, this is not what I ordered.

Shocking, since you still have the keys.

What equity investments? / The ones that got me the Porsche. Will you keep up?

I know. Once there was a dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it. / And? / And six others.

But it's my car. / Yeah, but it's my wax.

Yeah, two hours, a lifetime, that's the same.

That thing could put someone's eye out. / He can do more than that. He can destroy the universe.

Also, look at his smooth area. That's just gonna mess them up.

When I was a kid, my mom used to throw me into a pile of broken glass. / What? / Glass, sand, whatever.

I wonder when you stop putting both legs behind your head. / I can still do that. / How are you still single?

I swallowed his sonic blaster gun. / How did that happen? / I was trying to prove that I was right.

This whole time we were concentrating on the babies... and no one was watching Chandler!

What? / Yes. Heroin and crack. / Crack isn't even an intravenous drug. / Well, you would know.

Ross, please. I found the magazines.

Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin.

I'll consummate this marriage right here, right now!

And when we were dating, we consummated like bunnies.

Strike 'consummated like bunnies' from the record.

Well, yes. We got married in Vegas. / And the names, I think.

Stop typing! / Stop typing, stop typing!

Okay, do you see what you're keeping me married to?

Lady, here's the deal. I came here for an annulment, and I'm not leaving here until I get one! / Would you like a night in jail? / Thank you for your time.

But you found the keys to his clothes?

Of course. Only an idiot would wear this stuff if he didn't have the car. / That is true.

Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun. / Oh, I've been there.

You know you don't actually have one. / What are you doing? I'm in character. Will you talk to her?

But a doctor won't be able to help him. And it's just gonna... naturally pass through his system in seven years. / I think that's gum. / I'm pretty sure it's gun.

No! What would Krog do?

Maybe because you've got the keys?

Did a Porsche throw up on you?

It's 'Porsche-a'!

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Because, let's face it, we're at Monica's.

I broke it. All right. Well, that's just the way things go.

Now would be a good time for your first words.

Let's just say, Krog will be equipped to destroy the universe again... in 12 to 14 hours.

And protected them from a tornado?

Was the setting of Phoebe's triumph.

And I thought it would be funnier if we got married. / So, as a compromise, we decided first to get married and then... to eat a lot of grapes.

I gotta say... I know I divorce a lot of women. / Never thought I'd be divorcing you.

And we wouldn't have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. / Did I even treat? / No, it was on the house. It was a newlywed special.

That may be the most depressing thing I've heard.

Hi, Joey. / Hey. How you doing? / He has the most amazing Porsche under there. I'd show you, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping.