The One with Joey's Award

thing-a-ding-ding

put eyes on the 'hoojies' and we'll just say it's just some sort of weird elephant

I'm sorry. Too soon. You go.

Is that something you're making up? / No, no, no, it's real! And it has been, since 1998.

write 'NASA' on the side and then give it to Ross

That's the third most prestigious soap opera award there is!

You're getting married. This is all I have.

With two tennis balls.

But in my head, it sounded something like this: [dinosaur noise]

What did I get? / Seven.

That brings me in the loop a little.

In spite of what may be written on the backs of these chairs.

But if Chandler's in an accident and can't perform sexually... he'd want you to take a lover to satisfy needs he'd no longer fulfill.

You should be embarrassed.

I thought you knew I looked at you. / I did, but that was really fun.

I'm fourth?

No big deal. I do that with my shampoo bottle. / Really? / Yeah. / What award are you practicing for? / Grammy.

You're up against the guy who survived his own cremation.

You practice losing the Grammys too? / No, at the Grammys, I always win.

What's your dog's name again? / Joey.

I feel like I've had 10 drinks today. I've only had six.

No, a guy would say, 'I'll never get to sleep with anyone else.' / I'll never sleep with anyone else!

Whoa, what? / Ross has a boyfriend!

Not right now.

How'd you get over that teacher? / I didn't. I got under him.

Bye! / Bye! / I'll miss you! / I'll miss you too!

Pull my finger.

I was in the bathroom, and Susan Lucci came out of a stall... and she had toilet paper on her shoe, so I took it.

Can I squeeze your ass? / On TV? / Yeah!

What the...?!

Unfortunately, Jessica couldn't be with us tonight... so I'll accept this award on her behalf.

Sure I do. It's a verb. As in 'I be half-in' it'!

It could also be a Grammy.

Joey, it says 'Best Supporting Actress.' / I can scratch that right off.

If I can't have it, you can't have it! [breaks award]

What? / He's totally yanking your chain. He's done this with three other teachers.

I love you. / All right. / What? It's true.

All right, fine. You love me so much, come over here and give me a kiss.

You got an 80! You didn't even fail! Have some self-respect!

When you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship... don't communicate them to your husband.

The woman who married a bunch of times and killed herself when you were 13?

Does this also mean that putting out doesn't get you love?

No, I try to save that for real awards.

No, when I first meet somebody... it's mostly panic, anxiety and a great deal of sweating.

I was dangerously dehydrated the first six months of our relationship.

Besides, you know what? I'll have a lot of new things with you. The first time we buy a house. Our first kid. Our first grandkid.

Water. Water. Water.

Did you get a little haircut? / Yeah, yeah. Do you like it? Do you love it?

You used me! You don't love me and you never did!

And, you know, to win one for a massage! Especially just after winning a Tony Award for Best Actress... in Reservations at Eight by Neil Simon.

Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!