The One with Rachel's Big Kiss

Hey, out of all of us, who do you think will get married next?

Probably Monica and Chandler.

Oh, my God. Melissa Worbert. I don't think I have the energy for this.

Ray-Ray Green?

You've been MIA for seven sorority newsletters.

Oh, shut up more! Are you friends with Ralph?

You're having dinner with me.

Oh, no, heh, that's an old card. Um, I got out of that to do something where I could... help people and make a difference. ... I'm a party planner.

Hey guys, look who's back. It's Ray-Ray.

Who you what? Who you what?

They were lovers.

So that's two of my wives.

Why don't we just put me with a Manhattan in my hand... talking to the cute bartender.

Chandler, relax. It's not a contest. Certainly not a close one.

Stop picturing it!

Well, if this is the wedding hall, then, um... your parents would be over here at home in Queens.

Look, I thought parents were coming. Your parents are coming. Chandler's parents are coming. Ross' parents are coming. Ross' parents are my parents.

You just want more blue pins.

Maybe you'll order a little sangria.

I'm Monica's maid of honor. Okay, don't try to blue-pin me.

Might I suggest watching a little more ESPN... and a little less E!

He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN.

Ah, it's not just that. I would be England's most powerful weapon. A jet-setting heartbreaker on Her Majesty's secret service. A man who fears no one, with a license to kill.

Would Monica let me wear this?

No, I'm not wearing a tux. What are you gonna wear? Multi-colored robes. Ooh, and maybe a hat.

I won't talk. You'll just hear my video camera.

Yeah, I'm sure that happened. It did. Sure.

Which means she had a couple spritzers and a peck on the cheek.

Why are you taking this away from me?

Okay. I just didn't know that you were a lesbian.

Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. I do lots of crazy things. I mean, I got drunk and married in Vegas. To Ross.

You should get inside my head.

A freakishly thin date with a hanger for a head?

Made expressly for Val Kilmer, and worn by him in the hit film... that Batman film he was in.

Hello! You have the most special thing of all. You are marrying the woman you love. [SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Pretty please? Not very, uh, 007.

You slept with my sister. That was pretty 007.

That's too bad. It's true. But too bad.

Is it her fault if some didn't make it to you?

They hate the post office. And the Irish. But I don't think you could blame it on them.

What are they, Irish?

Yes. I was a, um, Thigh Mega Tampon.

Yeah, we were huge too. But they had to shut us down... when Regina Phalangie died of alcohol poisoning.

Isn't it a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch?

Remember we... Come on, we had sarongs on and the coconut bikini tops. We went back to the house and got really silly... and we made out.

Wow, Ray-Ray, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time.

Batman has Robin.

Actually I don't like martinis. A Yoo-Hoo with a funny straw? Ooh, yum.

Right, the wedding. Gotcha.

My part's in the beginning. I'm not in the rest of the show... Wedding.

In Joey Tribbiani, you get a minister and an entertainer. I'm a 'ministainer.'

I don't remember a lot of things that never happened.

Our coconuts kept knocking together. Somewhere Joey's head is exploding.

Maybe I passed out and you did stuff to me while I was sleeping.

Yes. I find it to be something of a conversation piece. Between you and? Gunther.

I could see 00 and 7 in those things.

Holy double-vented comfort, Batman!

The only super power you have is the slightly heightened sense of smell.

You want your mom at the altar screaming racial slurs? I don't care.

I wear it like this when I marry you guys. And then this... is for party time.

That night was the one wild thing I've ever done in my life. I won't let you take it away from me.

Oh, my God. You love me.

I can still hear the coconuts knocking together, I... I didn't want to tell you, because I didn't think you'd return my love.

I'm just a good kisser. Shut up.

I don't picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend.

What the hell was that? Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. And? I've had better.

Well, you know what they say? 23rd time's a charm.

Diane Keaton.