The One with the Vows

Do you realize you get louder each week?

I figured I'd just buy those. "Pat, I'd like to buy a vow."

You know I've no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.

Look at her go. She must love me more than I love her!

What's wrong with me? Don't open that door.

There are no words! This shouldn't be this hard!

With Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.

Except your breasts look kind of small. Those are my eyes! Those are my breasts.

All right, there's a nuclear holocaust. I'm the last man on earth. Would you go out with me?

There are seven? That's one? I was looking at it upside down.

Well, you know, sometimes that helps.

...a four, a three-two... two, a two-four-six. Two-four-six, four, two... two, four-seven... five-seven, six-seven... seven, seven... seven, seven, seven, seven, seven... seven!

No fair! I don't even have one, how come they get two?

Why wouldn't I be married when I'm 40? Hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? What is it? Seriously, is there something fundamentally un-marriable about me?

Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!

Nothing! I said, you're so great, and then I just stopped talking.

You said you love me! I can't believe this. - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't! - You love me! - No, I don't!

What if we live together, and you understand what I'm saying?

There's a reason why girls don't do this!

How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass" inappropriate?

Let's say it's lucky she's got a sweet ass because she's not so good at the writing.

Nine out of 10 marriages end in divorce. - Phoebe, that's not true. - Yeah, you're right. How's the missus?

Chicken? I could eat some chicken. Hey, Joe!

Laundry? Is that my new nickname?

You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big...

It's okay! It's okay! - No! They're doing it! I know! I know! - You know? - Yes, I know!

Or we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.

The messers become the messees!

They don't know that we know they know we know.

Couldn't if I wanted to.

Well, come here. I'm very happy we're gonna have all the sex.

You should be. I'm very bendy.

Okay, okay, okay, fine, you win!

I love her! That's right, I love her! I love her!

I thought you guys were doing it. I didn't know you were in love.

What are you doing? Get off my sister!

But I don't want them to move to a Volvo dealership.

That little naked guy would be me. Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grownups now?

Let me see. No, that would be me again.

Don't worry, honey. We'll make yours funnier.

How did you write this? I stole Monica's and changed the name.

If he goes first, he can!