The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath

That stuff about Rachel? You don't feel that now. It was crazy. You're fine. You're better than fine.

You are, as your friend Tony would say, 'Great!'

Hi, sweetie. - Hey, it's your girlfriend, Rachel!

Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy. It's the wet, naked lady.

You just sit in there, stewing in your own filth.

It's 2:00 on Wednesday, I'm watching 'Road Rules.' How stressed am I?

Is this a cold pizza or a leftover-meat loaf talk?

I feel a lot better. Thanks. - Wait a minute. Just come back.

Yes, when Monica and I were in London, we were both in London.

If that.

Are you two talking about the same baby?

If it's a girl, Phoebe. And if it's a boy, Pheebo.

That's a really pretty name for an industrial solvent.

Our child will be beaten in the schoolyard.

Yeah, by Sandrene.

Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln, and my dress is made out of wheat.

I know her! I bought a homemade soap from her at a Dead show!

Why do you hate our child?

But only if it's a girl.

I'm sorry. Are we having an 89-year-old?

Is it me, or is Veto starting to sound really good?

I don't like baths. Could you draw me a picture of sex on the balcony?

And got you this little plastic Navy ship! So it's a boy bath.

This does butch it up a bit.

I'm gonna need a bigger boat.

Oh, my God, I can practically hear the mahjong tiles.

You know if it's a boy or a girl? Dayton or Sandrene? Phoebe or Pheebo?

I know it's really not my place... but please don't name your child Pheebo.

Third one from the left? - Yeah. Why is it staring at me?

Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

Okay. A couple months late on the lecture, Ross.

The water's tepid, the salt didn't dissolve and is now lodged places. And the scents I used don't compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomile?

They're starting to effervesce.

He hasn't had this much trouble getting out words since he was in 'Macbeth.'

My God, he wants to do it with Phoebe in London!

Why would I? That two of our friends could start a great love affair? They'd have me to thank. Then we could all start having babies!

I got a new one a month ago. - Oh, just as well. I broke this one.

It's a humdinger.

You know, I mean, on the one hand, 'Mother, may I?'

Well, I must say, I am on fire! First Chandler, now Joey.

Unless you know we're never gonna have to use it. You did see. You know it's a boy!

That's when you'll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.

Unless you anticipated that I would figure all this out... and you know that it actually is a girl. And you really do want her to be named Ruth.

Well, I'm not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!

But, Ross, you want the name Ruth. - Not like this!

I mean, it's Rachel, for God's sakes. - For God's sakes, it's Rachel!

She made me switch to light mayo. That's it! That's all I got!

You know what? Tastes the same and my pants fit better.

I've had them for all you guys. Except for Ross and Chandler.

Not really. - Throw me a bone here.

That's right. The student has become the master.

Sometimes I can't believe it's with you, but still, we're having a girl!

It's so hard to care when you're this relaxed.

Now you're just a girl in a tub.

She's like a conversational wizard! How did it go?

How would you like it if I told you that Lee Majors liked you... and you found out that he didn't like you?

Really? Lee Majors is hot.

Dude, you gotta rearrange your bubbles.

Honey, cover it up with the boat.

Well, hey! What's going on? Oh, cool boat. Oh, no.

Like my friend the bird here would say, 'It was cuckoo!'

Hi, sweetie. - I love you.

I'm not touching you. - You're not? - It's the salts.

Sweet Lord, new realms of pleasure.

Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy.