The One with the Videotape

That was the best part? Good honeymooning, tiger.

A couple? Like two people? Like one, two people?

Ugh, Greg and Jenny. Ugh! 'Hi, Greg. I'm Chandler. This is Monica.' 'Hi, Monica. This is Jenny.' 'Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg.'

Why don't you give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here.

We didn't get anything for anyone. - Mm-hm, yeah. Nice necklace. - That you can have.

Ross, it's got your wavy, black lines.

When did it happen? How many times did it happen? - Monica, that's not right. - What? - Start with where.

I guess he'd been hanging out with Joey. - You're welcome, buddy.

That you came on to me? - There's the one!

It doesn't matter who came on to who. - 'Whom.' - That's right.

Okay, anyone think that I'd actually send Ross begging signals? Please, show of hands.

I can show you! I have it on videotape.

It's an expression.

Yeah. You gotta tell a girl before you tape her.

Such a rookie mistake.

Hello? 8th Street Deli? Hey, hang up. You get food poisoning just talking to that place.

Hello? It's the deli again! - All right, I'll have a sandwich.

You got fake-numbered.

You asked those insightful, great questions. And you've never been funnier. I mean, joke, joke, joke! You were a hoot!

Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects.

Okay, listen, I am not a pervert. - That's, like, the pervert motto. - Yeah, they have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants and repeat that.

How about, uh, you showering with your mom?

Five, to be... lying. Six.

The sky's blue, Ross. And I had sex yesterday.

Heh, you were backpacking across Europe? - Have a nice six more months, Ross.

It's from France. - In Europe. - Western Europe.

I think it's 'Tibidabo.' - Okay, do you want to tell the story?

Great. I'm across the street having sex right now.

No, Ross, I'm not hot. Are you hot? - It's been six months. I'm always hot.

That means a lot to me, man.

That's less embarrassing. Yes. Yes, I was.

What a great idea! That'll get Rachel to forgive me.

[MOUTHS] You'll show it to me. - No. - You're right.

Hi. Ken Adams. Nice to meet you. - Regina Phalange.

I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke, joke, joke! - Joke, joke... [BABBLES]

The sheer volume. It was like flying with the Riddler.

Really? How would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? - Oh, forget it.

Oh, there he is, the father of my child, the porn king of the West Village.

[ALL SHOUTING] - What? [ALL SHOUTING] - You don't want to see this, do you? - Hell, yeah!

Clearly you don't want people to see this tape. I don't want people to see this tape either. But you so badly don't want people to see it that it makes me want to see it. See?

Fine. But I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road. Because in about five minutes, I'm gonna be saying: [LAUGHING] 'I TOLD YOU SO!'

Oh, there I am. - You're gonna get pregnant.

Sweetie, it's okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. - I'm fine. - Kind of hurting my hand though.

Whoa, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! - Did you do it on our invitations?

Not on the ones we sent out. - So just the ones you gave back to us and we had framed?

Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?

You used the Europe story! That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!

I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy. - Some guy!

No, no, she told me that his name was Ken Adams. - Ken Adams!

You think it looked amazing? - I, uh... I don't know. I honestly didn't watch it. - Yeah, me neither. - Yet.

Six months, Rachel. Six months.

Ew. - Ew. - Oh, that's not pretty. - Oh. - Oh, God. - Oh. - Oh, no. Oh, no! No! - Make it stop. Make it stop.

Their old number! Jenny's been giving it out since they moved! - Jenny! That is so Jenny!

We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions. And if you and your precious Jenny can't see that, then... January 15? - We'll see you then! Okay!