The One Where Rachel Tells...

No, I already packed. The only thing I couldn't find, though, was your Speedo.

Speedo? I don't have a Speedo. I'm gonna go pack my regular, long bathing suit.

And I'm gonna be an uncle! Come here. -You're all gonna be aunts and uncles. -Yeah, but I'm the only one related by blood.

Why am I talking like this?

What?! I am an excellent secret-keeper. I have kept all our secrets.

-What secrets? -No, no, Joey. I'm not gonna tell you, because I am an excellent secret-keeper.

-You'll tell me later? -You already know.

-Maybe you and I should do something. -All in good time, my love. All in good time.

-Maybe they don't trust us. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town. The time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it with Monica's guest towels?

-Hey, I washed those. -No, you didn't. Yeah, that didn't sound like me.

-What stuff? -Monica's chicken parm. I'll take care of it.

Gas leak. Oh, and bring garlic bread.

Damn. They left without my pass to the Nassau Fossil and Natural History Museum. There goes the honeymoon.

Wow, I thought you'd be a little more shocked.

Oh, sorry. And?!

Man, you know what I have to realize? Maybe I'm not the type of guy women can have just one night with. You know, they always seem to want a little bit more.

-They're kissing. Let's just go around them. -Leave them alone. They're in love. I'm in love too. But in an orderly fashion.

They bumped them up to first class because they're on their honeymoon!

-Let's act like we're on our honeymoon. -We are on our honeymoon.

Grab my ass.

See? If we'd gone around them like I said, she'd have given us those tickets! Damn it!

25J and K, any chance those aren't together?

Of course I do! And I'm gonna get it back to you.. just as soon as they're done with it at the key-shining place.

-You said there was a gas leak. -Why not use your key? By the time I found it on this thing, the whole place might have exploded.

If that happens at another building I manage, people will ask questions.

Well, we could have done that.

-Oh, my God! Oranges! -Nice to see you again.

Yes, of course. Would you move your thumb? I can't see the seat number. That's all right. I have it memorized. It's 1A.

-Sir, this isn't a first-class ticket. I'm sorry. -Apology accepted. Excuse us.

Ross and Rachel. Rachel and Ross. That's been one heck of a seesaw, hasn't it?

Seriously, what?

I'm pregnant.

Ross?

What?! Well, they should put that on the box!

-They do. -No, they don't!

Well, they should put it in huge block letters!

-Ross, let's just forget about the condoms. -Well, I may as well have!

I'm indignant as a consumer!

In fact, I wanna talk.. to the president of the condom company.

Yeah, I'll press one!

Because, you know, they don't have any kids of their own.. and this door was like a child to them.

It's looking like an all-day job. I'm gonna have to cancel my yoga class.

-Oh, my God! What happened to the door? -So it's noticeable, huh?

-Holy mother of God! -Oh, my God, I can't believe that! -That is brand-new information!

-You already know, don't you? -Little bit.

But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful.

Hey. Hold on! Are you serious? So, like, 3 percent of the time, they don't even work? They should put that on the box!

-Evidently, they do. -What?!

Well, I'll be.

No! You have been screwing us all day!

-Who are you? -We're you. Just 10 seconds later!

You're not the only ones on your honeymoon!

We don't care about where we stay. We're here to celebrate our love for each other. We don't have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.

We need the stuff.

-What? Are you serious? Joey smells gas. -What else is new?

Hi. He's doing it, he's breaking down the door.

-Okay, Rachel, are you comfortable? -If I said I was, would you judge me?

Oh, man, I swear, if they sold these at Pottery Barn..

Please, I really.. I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today. -That's fine. Can you stay up near my head?

-What? Oh, yeah, sorry. -Okay, head, Ross! Head, Ross!

Although, we can worry about that after we get married. -Married? -Well, yeah, I think we should get married.

Because that's your answer to everything?

-Excuse me? -You can't even eat alone in a restaurant.

-I can too eat by myself! -When have you ever? When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!

Well, certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl of soup!

Oh, please. You inhale your food. I grew up with Monica. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!

Am I interrupting?

But not the husband, because, evidently, she can do this alone.

-Why you can't admit you need me? -I need you to stay near my head!

Pretty amazing, huh? I don't see it!

But you just said that you did. I know. I lied. I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother.

I can't even see my own baby!

-Do you really? -No, I don't see it!

You see this tiny thing that looks like a peanut? Yeah. Sweetie, that's it. That's it? Well, I saw that.

I was trying to figure out how bad I want one of Monica's turkey pot pies.

-Hey, show them the picture of your uterus. I don't see the baby. Where is it?

Oh, no, I know. I couldn't see it either at first. But it's right.. Ross, I lost it again.

My way totally works. I feel totally relaxed and calm. Go, go, go!

- Mrs. Bing. - It is a funny name.

See, if we've gotten here earlier, those seats might not have been available. Compromise works. My name is "Mrs. Bing". Haven't I compromised enough?

My anklet. That was a close one.

Don't worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.

This is ridiculous. I was just making a joke. I know the sign says, "No jokes about bombs", but shouldn't the sign really say, "No Bombs"? Isn't that the guy we really have to worry about here? The guy with the bombs? Not the guy who jokes about his bombs? Not that I have bombs, but if I did, I probably wouldn't joke about them.

- He's my husband. - I see. Oh, but only for a few days. I don't know what he does outside of the house.

You see, this is the first time we're traveling my way, so it's very important we make this flight. It's her plan versus my plan. What do you mean by "plan"?

It took me forever to do this. There's like over 50 folded pieces. You're mean.

About those speedos, I don't know how they got in there.