Charlie Has Cancer

Wow, dude! I thought my place looked like shit.

No. Yeah, it's... I found out I might have cancer, so ooh.

Uh, did you want to talk, like, right now?

It's just that Mac and Sweet Dee are down in the car waitin' for me. I told them I'd just, you know, zip in and zip out.

Could I get the... the basketball though? It's just we're supposed to meet, like, a bunch of people... and we were supposed to bring that.

And we cried together, and I held him for a while... and that was it.

That is so sad. He is gonna look so bad without that hair.

What's the one thing that Charlie never gets? - Laid.

So Charlie's wasting away, and we're gonna talk about Sweet Dee's feelings all morning.

Dennis, our bar is in South Philly in a scary alley. Might as well call it Rape Bar.

Carmen, you have the most amazing body. Are you bulimic, or what?

That's a dude. - No. The one with the exposed midriff and the cans.

There's an unmistakable bulge of a large penis in those jeans. - There's a dick in those pants.

Is that a penis in your pants? - Yeah. - You lied to me.

What time are... are you getting off of work? - It's not a thing to walk away about. Whatever.

You know what that symbolizes? Those bracelets symbolize jumping on fashion trends. And you know what the thing that's so rad is? They come in all kinds of colors now, so you can accessorize your compassion with your outfits.

She is in... way over her head. - In what? - Debt.

How about that game against Dallas... when Santa came out at halftime and we threw batteries?

Charlie has cancer.

I'm just a small-town girl... who moved to the big city with big dreams... just to find out... the only way to make it in the big city... is to shake it. And that's what I do... at the Coyote Ugly.

I won't be able to pay my bills! I'm thinkin' about goin' on welfare! What am I gonna do?

Uh, Rick Astley. What's up?

She's gettin' it removed. - So what? - I'm just puttin' in my time, you know? So that afterwards I'll be... - Gross, dude. - First.

Charlie has cancer.

You did what? - I slept with her.

Cancer... gold mine.

Gross. - 250. - Deal.

Charlie has cancer.

I'm Artemis.

I shake it. Shake it. I shake it. I shake it. I shake it. I sha...

I feel like an ice cream sundae, you know?

Here's the thing though... about cancer. I don't have it.

Oh, no. You know what? It's a dude. Yeah, she has a penis. So it's okay.

Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet.

The waitress doesn't even like you. We had to pay her $250 to have sex with you!

We didn't have sex.

I accidentally punched that tranny in the face. These two guys started chasing me.

Uh, we paid you $250 to sleep with Charlie and... And you never actually had sex with him. So we were wondering if we could get the 250 bucks back.

Uh, we paid you $250 to sleep with Charlie and... And you never actually had sex with him. So we were wondering if we could get the 250 bucks back.

She's probably gettin' the money though, right?