Celebrity Booze: The Ultimate Cash Grab

Dennis:Any idiot could take a bottle of booze, slap a celebrity's face on it and make a fortune. I mean, we could do it if we wanted.

Dennis:Premium.

Mac:I was gonna say that, dude.

Charlie:Premium.

Mac:I was gonna say premium.

Goldschläger.

Goldschläger.

Yeah.

Goldschläger.

Charlie:I can get a bunch of nickels and I could smash them up and put them into a 'schläger. We call it Nickelschläger, and we pitch it as the working man's spirit.

Dennis:Well, that sounds disgusting, and, uh, potentially dangerous as well.

Charlie:Yeah, I'm-a try it, though.

Jägermeister.

Yes.

Jägermeister.

Yeah, yeah.

Jägermeister.

Jägermeister, yeah.

Dennis:Those drinks that make people feel premium, you know? So I say we do a blend of all the most premium drinks. We put them all together, and we make one drink called Paddy's SchlägerSchnappsterMeister.

I want money, lots and lots

Frank:I'm in the sky.

In the sky?

What?

Frank:That's right, dicknips.

Frank:I once had Greg Louganis as the face of my apricot brand in the '80s. But when he cracked his noggin at the Olympics, the business took a nosedive with him.

Dennis:Have you ever hear of a little show called Malcolm in the Middle?

Dennis:Have I? Changed the game. Changed the game, Frank.

Dennis:And Malcolm. He's here, too, although he's all grown up now, so you might not recognize him.

Dee:How are they gonna bring them to Aruba?

Frank:We were never going to Aruba. We're circling Philly.

Frank:I got to put enough miles on the jet to make it look like I went to Aruba and back. It's a tax thing.

Charlie:Charlie dressed as a limo driver with a cap he wants to 'tip' to celebrities

Charlie:It's Nickelschläger, man. It's delicious. I've been drinking it all day.

Charlie:Guys, why is it going off on my stomach?

Mac:Because you have a belly full of nickels.

Charlie:I'll make myself throw up and then I'll get... Should I throw up here or, uh...

Mac:I'm going for a 'Jordan in the '90s' look. I mean, who's more premium than MJ, right?

Mac:I'm thinking that I go pitch a fashion line and sort of expand into a lifestyle brand.

Frank:Bathroom on the plane is busted. You can use the emergency can. You're sitting on it.

We don't shake hands. Sorry. We're not shaking hands. We don't know these people.

Dennis:I think... We can't kick this off without a firm handshake.

Bryan Cranston:I really don't mind shaking his hand.

Aaron Paul:How many times do we have to go through this?

Bryan Cranston:Wow, look at that suit. I love that.

Mac:I'm not supposed to talk.

Dennis:It was... Malcolm. He was throwing me a weird vibe. Yeah. He's very aggressive. He's super aggressive.

Mac:Malcolm's not in the middle. He's on top.

Charlie:I've been throwing up for a little bit. I actually kind of can't stop. I think I'm having a reaction to the metals.

Charlie:On my next hurl, you know, do you... Could you see if you see any loose change in there?

Charlie vomiting on someone's car and then volunteering to watch it

Stranger:Hey, man, are you the Dos Hombres driver? Who? You know, the Malcolm in the Middle guys.

Charlie:Yes, I am.

You always were good against the rush.

Now, that is true.

You are good against the ru...

Now, you're not gonna get away from us, though.

We gotcha.

Mac:Imagine this lifestyle: you're on a Caribbean island in an ill-fitting suit.

Dennis:Gritty? Wait... What the hell is this? I thought you said Jalen Hurts came in here.

Dennis:How do you confuse a young Black man with a giant orange monster?

Mac:Okay, Gritty, picture yourself on a Caribbean island.

Charlie:I did vomit in here earlier.

Aaron Paul:Oh, oh, great. Thank you for that. Wow.

Charlie:We can go by whatever code name you feel most comfortable with, sir.

Charlie:I haven't driven a car in a long, long time.

Aaron Paul:My name is not Mr. Malcolm, it's Aaron.

Charlie:Okay, I got you. Yeah, yeah. We can go by whatever code name you feel most comfortable with, sir.

When I first stepped onto the boards in the Great White Way of Broadway...

Oh, and here we go again about Broadway.

This clown lost all of his money playing slots at Pechanga.

Yeah.

It... I-I... No, you have a problem.

He was a week away from sucking off tourists, okay? To pay his rent, and you know that.

Frank:That can is from a shellfish company I started with Tony Danza back in the '80s. Tony's Oysters in a Can-za?

Why don't you just shut your eyes and go to sleep? And then I will let you know when you can wake up. Okay? Shh. Okay.

Oh, but sleep's for pussies.

Frank:This plane, this pretty little bird can be yours for a mere price of $35 mil.

Dennis:We're here to sell you a, uh... Nickelschläger! No, goddamn it! None of that.

Dennis:We're gonna start all over, and we're gonna do it with a firm handshake.

Bryan Cranston:Oh. I'm not supposed to.

Mac:I think you're in an abusive relationship.

Aaron Paul:Put your hand down, Bryan. Put it down, you silly little bitch.

Bryan Cranston:Boom. And that, my friends, is acting.

What?

Wow!

That was... That-that was all fake?

Dennis:You should consider doing a drama, Mr. Middle. You really should consider doing drama.

Dennis:Hey, so listen, do you guys want to invest?

Boss? Fuck no. Fuck no! No. Fuck no!

Aaron Paul:You people are insane. Get me off this plane.