Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom

You own his hair?

Divorce is a tricky thing. Oh! I found it. I got the hair now. Found the hair. So I guess I'll just, uh, see myself out.

Right. Thank you for the hair.

Oh, shit.

Wild sex. Whoa! I mean... You name it, we did it.

Why? Why would a person wipe their own shit onto a wall?

What? Cleaning toilet? No, that's what Charlie does. I'm not doing Charlie work anymore.

I guess it doesn't, really.

Are you not wearing makeup? Really? Do you have any more?

I'm gonna bang her tonight, probably around 10:30 or so. Now, I really don't wanna do that... so all you have to do to stop me is call my cell phone... by 10:30... and say, 'Dennis, you don't have to do Charlie work anymore.'

Dennis's mom tried to have sex with me. Yeah, man, she got naked, she came on to me... That woman is straight crazy, but I think I wanna bang her.

An opportunity like this only comes around once in a lifetime, right? You'd be a fool to let it slip through your fingers.

I am not having sex with you, Charlie.

It's not sex I want from you. It's sex I don't want from Dennis.

Well, I've slowed down quite a bit once I met my husband, Carl. Oh, you told me you weren't married. Oh, I'm not. Carl passed a few years ago.

For starters, you've got kids and shit. And you talk about 'em. You talk about your kids, you talk about your dead husband. I mean, it's kind of bummin' me out.

Frank, I'm two years younger than you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

I... love you.

Looks like we got a blown fuse in here. Better get on that. Blown fuses count as Charlie work.

That was, like, the best sex I've ever had, Mrs. Reynolds. Like something magical happened.

You're not gonna start talking about your feelings and shit, are you? No. Gay.

It doesn't 'un-bang' your mom. You gotta do something worse... You're gonna have to bang Mac's mom.

I think you're an ugly man. You think I'm ugly? I'm not ugly. You're ugly.

That move always works with the ladies. Frank, you have never gotten a chick with that move. Really? Yeah. So don't go blamin' the move. The move works.

Charlie is forcing me to have sex with him. Mac's getting laid. You're getting laid. Now even Charlie's getting laid? This makes me look terrible.

Am I the only one around here who's not getting laid?

I'm gonna stab his face off. No, stabbing's bad. You need to do something worse... You gotta sleep with Charlie.

I'm sorry, sweetie. I just don't find you sexually attractive.

Are you kidding me? You don't find me sexually attractive? What in the hell is going on? What is wrong with you people?

I only slept with you to piss Frank off. Afterward I felt like I was gonna throw up.

Check this out. L...

Hey, guys, uh, can you do me a favor and not get too drunk? All right? 'Cause I got some kegs that I need changing. There's, like... There's some rats down in the rattraps.

I had sex with your father... because, just like you, I like my sex old and ugly. And with fake hair on their heads that falls off when you're having sex with 'em.

And with fake hair on their heads that falls off when you're having sex with 'em. It just falls off because that's what you do, Dennis Reynolds.

You said, 'I love you,' and so I thought, 'Okay, I love you too.' How do you show love? You go and have sex with old people. So that's what I did too!